Journal Content

July 10, 2010 One year old already...

I cannot believe it's been 6 months since I last found...rather "Made" time to jot down all my girl's milestones...sigh. Life is racing by me at the speed of a walking 1 year old and I simply cannot keep the pace!
Here we go...6 months worth of baby and "big girl" milestones!

New Happenings for Olivia:
FEBRUARY 2010:

2/13/10: Started "rocking" on her hands and knees

2/15/2010: Olivia started crawling backwards

2/25/10: Officially a crawler! Each day she gets better and moves faster...watch out world, here she comes!

2/2010-She will now peak up over the side of her crib at night. She is still in the master bedroom with Ron and I, so we have to hide under the sheets (at least I do) and stay VERY still, otherwise (is she knowswe're there), she'll cry and cry till I pick her up and nurse her back to sleep. I have to say, it's hard to be angry when I see those big, baby eyes staring me down over the crib bumper know. I'm a sucker!
-Olivia loves to "eat" (chew on) clothe. Her favorite thing is a cold, wet rag (though she will gladly take a dry towel any day)!
-She LOVES ice cream. She knows now when we head downstairs with bowls, that she's going to get some bites (and we can hardly keep up with her demands)!

MARCH 2010:

3/5/2010: Pulled herself up to a standing position, while holding onto her walker.

3/12/2010: Grandpa Ron teaches Olivia how to "High 5" during their visit with us.

3/15/2010: Started clapping and she does it all the time now (happily smiling and clapping her hands throughout the day).

3/17/2010: Love this one...Olivia will reach her little arm out to Madison, while we're driving (they each sit in a captain's chair, so it's a far reach across the console) and the two will hold hands as we drive.

3/20/2010: Crawls everywhere! She LOVES the electrical outlets (hmm...should I be afraid?)! Pulls open drawers and cabinets now, so we had to baby proof everything and watch her every single move. No fear of the fireplace either (lit or otherwise)! When we had a fire burning, we had to create a blockade and have someone sit guard till it burned down (and cooled off)!

3/23/2010: Now pulls herself up to standing everywhere, then "dives" to get down again (no fear)!

3/2010: Can't turn my back or under estimate her next move! While I get ready in the mornings, Olivia will get into the bathroom trash, pull (swing) my full length wall mirror, open and close the drawers, pull out electrical cords and empty my lingerie drawer, topples over all magazines and books and pull out all cords and remotes out of the entertainment center...very busy this one.

APRIL 2010:

4/19/2010: First tooth appeared!
Trying to stand (balance) without holding onto anything. She will go from the couch to the coffee table (and vice versa), or stand (hands free) while putting a cracker in her mouth.

MAY 2010:

5/1/2010: Olivia's blocked tear duct finally cleared up! Yay! Just one month shy of Doctors suggesting surgery to unblock it, she woke today with no tears!!! Thank you Jesus...

5/6/2010: Stood on her own for 15 seconds and is now trying to take a step forward.

5/20/2010: Crawls up the stairs (no! Up go the gates)! She will also walk a step all by herself (then fall).

5/30/2010: Two bottom teeth are in (one coming in up top)!

5/30/2010: First time in the swimming pool with Dad (about 63 degrees in the pool...poor baby)!

5/31/2010: First sign for "Milk". She will also shake her head "no", when we say "no". She'll even shake her head (vigorously) "no" if she's doing something she know she shouldn't do!

JUNE 2010:

6/2/2010: First steps!!! We were playing in Madison's room when she deliberately pulled herself away from Maddie's tea table and took 3 good steps (without any prompting from me...just decided to go for it all on her own)!

6/3/2010: Signs "Baby", "All done", "More", "Milk", "Dog" and "Bird" (she LOVES watching "Baby Signing Time" with Maddie).

6/29/2010: Signed "Sleepy" on her own to actually tell me she was tired! She signs extremely well and does them often and accurately to communicate.
-She is now walking more than she crawls and seems to be enjoying her new-found freedom.
-She says "Hi" (with a huge grin) to everyone we pass by (at the store, at the park...any where)! Makes for wonderful return smiles and she's always proud when the "Hi" is returned.

JULY 2010:

7/10/2010: All about the kisses! Olivia now gives "smacking" kisses (all the time)! She started this the other day and now smacks her little lips together for kiss after kiss (after kiss)! This morning I even received my first real hug (wrapped her chubby, little arms around my neck and squeezed and patted my shoulder)...honestly, does it get any better?!

LIFE TODAY:

Today Olivia is a very happy one year old. We spent her first Birthday in Anchorage (with family) and went all out decorating her "garden, butterfly-themed" party (hanging flower garlands instead of streamers, adorned with tulle bows and butterflies and flowering topiaries and stems throughout the room...it was beautiful)! Cheryl had a special cake made for her with hand made sugar butterflies and pearly white fondant icing...again...beautiful! Olivia herself was most impressed with the decor. When I took her into the dining room, she (literally) gasped and reached her arms up to point to each and every item we had hung, carefully touched the ribbons of flowers in the windows and batted at the butterfly mobiles. It was perfect (my little designer in the making, I swear)!
She did very well during the party (loved to dig into her own cake...had frosting from her head to her stockings) and even began to unwrap the presents herself toward the end (probably ready for a nap and just wanted to get it over with)! Ron and I had bought her a pink, baby grand piano for her own room, (looks like the real deal but made for children with a chime sound) but her favorite gift was (hands down) the annoying crying, gorilla that Grammy had bought her! It sucks on a banana and when you take the banana out, it hollers, screams and cries till you hug it or put the banana back in. Olivia LOVES IT! :)
She now sleeps with her "lamby" (the musical lamb that Madison had picked out as her first stuffed animal). She will cling to that thing, kiss and rock it back and forth in her arms, just loving the stuffings out of it any time we give it to her (she is such a cuddler)!
She's walking everywhere now (crawling is so two weeks ago) and loves to be outside in the grass. She walks around (swinging her arms) like she owns the place (quite proud of herself) and if she falls, she gets right back up. Speaking of...This girl is one tough cookie! I have jokingly nicknamed her "bruiser", since the poor child never doesn't have a nasty, green, bruise on her forehead (usually several)! She will fall and completely whack her head, cry for a minute, then be done with it. Yesterday she stood and fell in the bath tub (smacked her face on the side of the tub on the way down) and ended up with a bloody mouth (bit her lip I believe)! UGH! I truly never understood till now, why some Moms say they just have to "turn and look away" sometimes. Now I know well, what they mean. I am on constant watch with Olivia (the house is completely "Olivia proofed" now) and yet she still manages to get into things, fall and get hurt. Speaking of...when visiting my parents Olivia made Dowd history as the first child to fall down their (20) stairs! After 15 years of in-home daycare, no child had ever fallen down them. But within a week of us visiting, she had pulled the gate open (it was not latched, just pulled across) and down she went! I was in the bathroom and when I came out, I heard a "thud" and a cry...saw the gate wide open and my heart sank (I swear my knees were weak) and I ran to find her at the bottom of the stairs (her little bow on the stair half way down). She was crying horribly, so I (carefully) picked her up (worried she might have broken her neck or back) and within about 60 seconds, she was pushing away, trying to get down and walk around! She was completely fine (not even a bump or bruise I could see)! THANK YOU JESUS (her Guardian Angel is working some serious over time)!
Olivia is quite head strong (literally and figuratively). She will throw a little tantrum on the changing table, or when I try to clip her nails (any time she is pinned down to one location basically). But I hold my ground and she eventually gives in. I can easily make her laugh (she is always ready to laugh) and she's easily side tracked (love this age)!
Today Olivia eats 3 meals a day and her 1 year old well-baby check had her at the 50th percentile in both height and weight (completely "normal")!
I am still nursing her and plan to continue till she decides she's done (before her 2nd Birthday if she hasn't said "done" yet herself). She's doing so well and it is the one thing that can calm her enough to get her to sleep. She still wakes 2-3 times a night and as of two weeks ago is rooming with Madison while Ron and I decorate her new nursery (my former office).
Her nursery theme is going to be a "Secret Garden", with striped bead board trim, a trellace over her crib (with tulle and flowers), a cherry blossom tree wall mural and a chandelier (of course) and many little touches throughout! I can't wait to see it come together (and to get her into her own room)! I am currently working on projects (logos and such), saving money aside to buy her dresser, toy chest/shelving, new ceiling tiles and custom rug...Makes work all worth while when I get to purchase such beautiful things for my girls!
All in all Olivia is a very "hands on" baby with a happy, light hearted spirit, a soft heart for others and the readiness to tackle (literally) whatever challenge is set in her path. It is amazing to see her progress (I really cannot keep up) and we're just enjoying watching as she grows with her sister (and best friend).

MADISON'S NEW HAPPENINGS:

3/2010: Madison is reading EVERYTHING! She is sounding out words (even really long words) and is reading full sentances.

4/2010: Madison's 5th Birthday was held at McDonald's (per her request). Her guest list was smaller than most years but she still had Aunt Floss, Sierra (her best friend who lives 2 doors down) and Sara and Samantha (from her school).

5/2010: Madison now reads road signs (all signs in fact) as we go for drives. She is thrilled with her new-found talent (as are Ron and I) and I will often find her in her room reading her books (quite well).
-Maddie learned how to "pump" her legs on the swing! She was so proud of herself and now can't wait to get on the swing set in our backyard and "race" Olivia to see who can go higher!

Today Madison reads everything (road signs, nutrition facts on boxes, TV headings and books). She sounds out words like a pro (read "Information" the other day without missing a beat)! I am completely proud of her and try to encourage her learning as much as possible. She also remains a little Mommy to Olivia. She loves to "baby sit" while I'm in the shower (I turn on Baby Signing Time, baby proof the room and it's Maddie's job to make sure Olivia doesn't do "something" crazy)! She loves to feed her sister and is still quite patient with Olivia (who went through a horrible "hair pulling" phase about a month ago)! Madison's heart is incredibly mature for a 5 year old...she will often get teary and ask about the children who don't have any toys, food or homes (usually in that order). When asked if she were a super hero what would her super power be, she answered "I would give houses to everyone who needs one." That pretty much sums up our little Maddie and this kind heart works well when dealing with a 1 year old sister!
Madison remains my social butterfly as well. At Home Depot this evening, she spotted another girl about her age and the two of them were fast friends (sat themselves on the shelf of the paint sample wall and chatted non-stop about everything for the hour I hunted through paint chips)! She can make a friend anywhere (DMV, Grocery store, the park...home depot)! It's wonderful to see her open up to others now when she had been so incredibly shy as a little one. She loves to go to the park (of course), play at McDonald's playland, swim with Daddy in the pool and play "puppy" make believe at the house...this one is endearing but can drive me crazy (after several hours of 'Say, 'I wish I had a puppy".."Say, do you have a home puppy?"...). This game goes on and on...and on...but is totally Maddie!
She also still makes up the most amazing words like "mardona" (with the spanish na sound). She'll use these made up words in regular sentences and I swear it's hard to tell if it's a real word, or not! She has a great imagination and mixed with her genius of a brain, she comes up with some pretty great combinations!
So Po did not last all that long in the Owsley home. Even though we house-broke him and he was doing wonderfully, this family was just not ready for the added mess and chaos a dog brings to a home. It was truly sad to end that chapter but after we found and met Po's new owners, I had not doubt that he would be better off! Even Madison agreed when I told her about (and she met) Po's new "sister" and she saw photos of his doggie desert (Hagaan Das ice cream with a dog biscuit). So though it was sad to say good bye (lots of tears shed that night) it was the right decision for this family. I am hopeful that when the girls are older we might be able to get another dog...but we'll just have to wait and see on that one!
Madison starts Kindergarten this Fall and I have to say, I'm sad that she'll be an "official" elementary school student. Time has flown way too fast and both Ron and I have to stop and remind ourselves that she's just a little girl (she acts so much older than her 5 years...it's hard not to expect more from her). I try to balance between fun and rules but my mother guilt leaves me wondering if I'm doing a good job (while my sense tell me I would be a push over if I were any more lenient). So I pray for God's hand in it, that we might raise these girls up right and hope for God's blessing!
I know things will get easier once Olivia is a bit older (as she requires so much time at this young age), so I'm looking forward to that but also sad to see it going by so fast as it is. Surely I'm speaking the words every mother has, since the beginning of time but still, I had no idea till I became a mother myself. Sigh...so here I sit (round two of trying to finish this update today) with Madison asking me "Where are my special papers for Grandma Carmen?" and I tell her "I don't know..." (because I want to focus on finishing)...then stop myself, turn away from the monitor and say "Have you checked the flower dish on the table?"..."Which table?" she replies..."Which table do we have a flower dish on?" I say..."Oh the dining room table." She says...
Sigh...not much gets done around here but I hope that memories are made and lasting. And that my girls grow up knowing that a life full of finished "To do's" pales in comparison to my crazy, chaotic, "half done" life as their Momma!

January 31, 2010 Trying to keep up!

Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone and the new year finds the Owsley home bustling with energy (babies, puppies and "little mommies" afoot).
I am struggling to keep up with Olivia's milestones and am absolutely amazed at how quickly she changes from day to day. That said, I have been compiling little lists of all the milestones she has reached since my last entry and figured I had better write them down or I'll never be able to catch up!

New Happenings for Olivia:

12/1/2009: Olivia gave me a "real" kiss! There is simply nothing sweeter than the wide, (open mouth), slobbery kisses of an infant! Olivia will (somewhat viciously) grab the sides of my head, clutching my hair in her little hands and pull me to her, covering my mouth/chin with slobbery kisses! I will make "mwa, mwa" kissing sounds and she'll pull in harder and kiss even more! LOVE IT!
12/4/2009: Olivia began drinking ice water from my cup. While holding her in one arm, I'll lean in to take a drink and she'll smack her little hand on the rim, grab it and pull in to her open mouth, leaning in with her tongue out! She'll suck on the edge and get a small amount of water (most comes back out onto her shirt) with a bitter look on her face and then dive back in for a second helping!
12/13/2009: Olivia started rolling from her back onto her stomach. I looked down and there she was on her stomach. I flipped her to her back and she quickly rolled to her belly again. She now rolls all over the floor (side to side and in circles)! If I lay her on the bedroom floor, she will quickly end up under the bed and if I lay her on the living room floor, she'll scoot herself under the coffee table and over to the fireplace! What is amazing is how quickly she gets from one area to the next...no turning my back on this one!
12/10/09: Olivia started solid foods today! She had been "drooling" over our plates at dinner time and is finally able to join us at the table (literally on top of the table in her "Bumbo" chair). She loves to eat her baby food and in between bites (so that I can take one or two myself) she will suck on a wet rag...I know, sounds odd but she loves it! I have to pry the rag out of her hands to give her another bite of food! She started eating about 1/4 of the baby food jar and is now up to 1/2 to one whole jar at a time. She only eats solids once a day and is still nursing every 2 hours (with an occasional span of 3.5 hours) at a time.
12/23/2009: First word? It was as clear as anything and music to my ears! December 23 Olivia said "Momma" and both Ron and I looked at one another and said, "She said Momma!". We were ecstatic (Madison said "Dada" first) and certain that it was intended...HOWEVER, she has yet to repeat it! So I'm not sure if it was a fluke, or not. She does not jabber like Maddie did but will let out some ear-piercing "Screams" (with a huge smile...all proud of herself and that big sound) as she sits and plays (to each his own)!
1/1/2010: Sippy cups. Olivia started drinking out of a sippy cup (small amounts of water and now some completely diluted apple juice) and loves it! She has refused bottles since our trip to Thanksgiving, which makes me getting out at all, completely impossible! So the novelty of the sippy cup has helped tremendously (though I've still only been away from her a couple of times, for a few hours, since her birth). It also helps when we run errands and we were even able to eat an entire meal at Boston's last Friday (without my having to go and nurse her in the restroom, or leave the restaurant all together before the meal even arrived....like every other attempt we've had at dining out)! So this new trick has helped us to get a bit of "normalcy" back into our lives (whew)!
1/10/2010: Dedicated at First Baptist Church North Pole. It had been hanging over my head for the past (well) 7 months! Maddie was dedicated at 2 months old and I felt horrible that we have not been able to make it to a Sunday morning service (we've been going off and on for evening services) since Olivia's birth, so we had not been able to have her "dedicated". So when we happened to have an early start on Jan 10th, I decided to get her all dolled up (just happened to have a beautiful ivory dress, tights, gold Christmas shoes and big white flower clip all ready to go) and make it happen! Of course we spent the whole service in the nursery (she loves to let out a big 'ol scream during prayers...lovely) and I had thought we missed our chance, but Ron came in and got us just in time to have her dedicated by Pastor Johnny McCoy before the service ended. The whole congregation was invited to "lay hands" on us and Olivia, while Pastor Johnny dedicated her life back to Christ...Of course she arched her back, squirmed and wiggled, while folks gently touched her arms and legs (too funny and soooo Olivia)! I was relieved to have been able to do it and though I know it makes no difference in her spiritual life...the idea of publicly proclaiming our will to raise her right, means more to me than I can describe.
Of course Madison asked about the Dedication and I told her that we were "Giving her back to God" (oops...wrong wording for this literal child)! She immediately looked worried and said "I don't want you to give her away!" (Too cute!) So I tried to explain that we were going to really give her away, but that since we all belong to God anyway, we were just going to promise to raise her the right way. It took some more convincing before she would believe that we were not going to "Give Olivia away" but I still think she has her eye on us now!!! Tee, hee, hee...
1/23/2010: Running in her walker! I couldn't believe it...I placed Olivia in her walker (like I do everyday) and she took off "running" across the room! I thought perhaps it was an accident, so I turned her around and before I could let my hands off the sides, she was off and running again (all the way to the other side of the room, till she is stopped by furniture)! Two days later she got up enough speed to "jump" the wooden transition piece on the floor and actually get herself over into the front entry (at the top of the stairs)! So we're now placing "road blocks" to keep her safe (planning for gates as we speak).
1/25/2010: Sitting unassisted. She started sitting quite well with me behind her on the 23rd. Today she is sitting all on her own, leaning WAY forward and balancing side to side as needed! She has only fallen back a couple of times (in slow motion...no problem) and is quite happy with her new-found position. I will sit her on her play mat and blanket, placing toys strategically about (so that if she falls to her left/right to get on her belly, she won't land on a hard toy) and she is much happier with the new view.
Today (just 6 days later), she is still preferring the new sitting position but will also (slowly) roll down to her belly then to her back and last night tried to push herself back up into the sitting position (no luck yet but it'll be soon to come)!
1/25/2010: Pushing herself backwards. Whew...can I even pretend to keep up with this child?! Now that she is sitting unattended, she has decided to broaden her horizons by scooting backwards. Of course I recall Madison doing this as her first form of crawling (Maddie scooted backwards all over the place). Olivia is just getting started with the backwards scooting but definitely gets around and is even starting to pull her knees up under her. I'm watching! Won't be long before she is up and crawling this one!
1/30/3010: Standing up. Last night I stood Olivia up and let her hang onto the top of her plat mat (has 2 arches that hand over the baby while they lay down). She grabbed onto the arches, got all excited and stood by herself for several minutes! I kept my hands on her sides, but she was all over it. For the rest of the night she wanted to stand there, hanging tightly onto those bars, smiling, squealing, laughing! When I sat her down on the play mat, she would reach up to the bars and try to pull herself back up again! Not sure what I was thinking getting this one started...I'm afraid she just might choose to skip crawling and be scaling the furniture before we know it!
1/30/2010: First finger foods. So we're well into baby food now (as well as mashed up bananas and chocolate ice cream...her favorite...of course)! So I tried her on a "Mum Mum" Cracker on the 29th. She wasn't too thrilled (actually had a look on her face like 'what is this nasty thing in my mouth?!" so we tried it again on the 30th and she suddenly loved it! She ate the whole cracker (which I got on video) and loved the new experience. Later on I gave her (small) pieces of my buttered bread and again...loved it!
Sleeping positions: This baby even gets around in her sleep! Olivia likes to sleep with either her arm over her face (covering her eyes) or her body completely contorted with her face pressed up against the bumper in the crib, her back arched about and both arms grasping her "lamby" (the musical lamb that Madison picked out as Olivia's first toy). She does not like to nap (unless she is SUPER tired) and if she cries, will quickly roll onto her belly, peering over the side of the crib. If it's night and I'm asleep in the bed, I will look up and see this little head (bobbing up and down) while she's screaming and looking right at me like "I see you! Why aren't you picking me up yet?!" How can I ignore that one?! I now have to raise up the side of the crib as I'm worried that she will pull herself up and climb out somehow (seems like a stretch but I put nothing past this little one)!

12/3/2009: Lambs book of life. Lambs book of life. During bed time prayers at Grammy and Grandpa's house over Thanksgiving vacation, Madison asked me "how to get to heaven". I explained that we have to ask Jesus to live in our heart and then choose to follow Him through life...that He will then write our name in the "Lambs book of life".
Excited, she said she wanted HER name into he lamb's book of life, so she asked me to tell her what to do. Thrilled with the magnitude of her request, I told her that she needed to pray and ask God to come into her heart. So she said she wanted me to pray and she would say it too. I began, and she proceeded to copy exactly (word for word) what I said, asking Jesus to "live in her heart" and that she wanted to follow Him. When we were done she was VERY proud of herself, smiling ear to ear and said "Now MY NAME is written in the lamb's book of life!".
Honestly, as a mother (a Christian Mother), could I possibly be more proud of my daughter? The moment was all too familiar (bed time prayers, chatting softly, mommy/Maddie time) but the content was so very much more this time. I realize this is just the beginning for her, but my heart soared with hope as I looked into my little ones eyes and saw her yearn for more.
Thank you God! If I accomplish nothing more with my daughters on this earth than to be a part of their salvation....to help them to ensure that their name is written in the Lamb's book of life...my life will be fullfilled!
1/4/2010: Madison started preschool (again) and is now attending North Pole Christian school full time (from 8:20Am to 3:00PM). The first week was tough (loved school but hated naps). I received a call from the school every day for the first week, with Madison crying in the background and the teachers asking me to calm her, which left me wondering if I was doing right by putting her in school full time. However, by the second week (and fifth phone call), I decided to bribe her...making it worth her while to "stick it out". I agreed to give her a "real" tea party, with home made sugar cookies, pink frosting, sprinkles galore and real tea with honey and lemon, IF she could make it one whole week without tears. That was the trick! She happily announced each day that she was going to be a "big girl" and take her nap. Sure enough, no more phone calls, no more tears! After a week of success we woke Saturday morning, baked us some cookies, frosted and sprinkled them beautifully, dressed up special and enjoyed a lovely tea party in her room. Today Madison looks forward to her naps (since she wakes at 7AM they are much needed) and loves going to school. She can now count to 50, count by 10 to 100 and is sounding out words. I am simply amazed with how quickly she is catching on and love that she strives to be challenged. She loves to do crafts at home (pulling out her construction paper, glue, pens and sparkles on a regular basis), making cards for family and friends and also drawing fashion designs of wedding dresses and swim wear! I swear this was in no way my idea! She began this on her own and proudly shows off her collections to daddy and myself, once complete (I've saved most but couldn't possibly keep them all...she does about 10 at a time)!
Po: Madison's puppy (Po) is now 4 months old and about 8 pounds. He chases Maddie about the house and loves to play fetch or have Maddie rub his belly. House breaking is a trial we had no experience with and no idea of what to expect. We are hopeful that he will do better once he is neutered but both in agreement that if it does not go well...Po may have to go. The crazy thing is that Madison agrees! Ron asked her if she would be okay if we didn't have Po and maybe got another dog when she was older and she said 'Yeah!' (what?!). Sigh...I think we jumped ahead a bit with the puppy thing. Madison is only 4 and though she loves Po (most of the time), she gets bored with him quickly and he still wants to play. I had hoped that he would think Maddie was the mommy but he quickly figured out my role and is always at (rather ON) my feet. I would be fine with this, if I didn't have a (real) baby to care for but with Olivia in the picture, Po is not paid much attention to by me. Ugh. I feel guilty (he is the sweetest little dog EVER) and just hope that he can be housebroke soon and that Madison and he will grow closer with age). Otherwise, Po may be a short lived chapter in the Owsley home (defeat)!

Both Madison and Olivia are growing faster than I would like, though I am exceedingly proud of who Madison is becoming and excited to see what Olivia has in store.
Madison remains the most amazing big sister...thank you God for giving her such a kind heart! Olivia loves Maddie's hair (it's really quite strange)...if Madison is anywhere within reaching distance, Olivia will twist about to get a handful of Maddie's hair...hanging on for dear life! I will have to pry her little hands open to release Madison from her grip. But instead of crying (even if Olivia leaves with a good amount of hair still in her hand), Madison will chuckle and say "Oh, I love you Olivia." What?! Could I have asked for a more reasonable child?! Sometimes I'll catch Maddie whispering sweet nothings into Olivia's ear or (if Olivia is throwing a fit in the car) Madison will holler (over the screams) "I still love you, Olivia!". Yes, I feel absolutely blessed and hope that the bond these two girls have will continue throughout their lives.

Uh oh...cries from the crib tell me my time is up!
Till next time... "I thank you God for my children. May you walk with them throughout life and call to them till they answer. I pray that Ron and I will be the parents we need to be for our girls to full fill your plan! When I leave this earth I pray for peace in knowing that I will see my girls once again!"

November 23, 2009 Growing Up

Well Thanksgiving is just 3 days away and we are looking forward to 2 weeks in Anchorage with family to enjoy it with. This will be Olivia's first airplane ride and (though she and Maddie both have horrible head colds) I am praying that all goes well (no ear troubles please)!
This trip is an extra special one as we bought Madison a puppy for Christmas and he is waiting our arrival in Anchorage! Po is a Cavapoo puppy whom I purchased online and had flown to Anchorage (too cold to ship to Fairbanks) where Tab has (so graciously) agreed to puppy sit and begin to house train till we arrive.
Madison has NO idea what awaits her, though we keep telling her that there is an extra special present waiting for her...all she can say is "Is it a yo yo?!" Tee, hee, hee...I think she'll be pleasantly surprised (to say the least). She has been begging for a dog for over a year (even more so after meeting Celsea's dog, Jimmy). I was completely taken off guard when Ron asked if we should get her a puppy for Christmas! However, I quickly recovered and after searching over 140 dogs online, absolutely fell in love with this little guys face! I cannot wait to meet him (everyone in Anchorage says he is completely wonderful) and am dying to see Madison's reaction when she sees him for the first time at Grammy and Grandpa's house (in 2 days)! Can't wait...

Let's see, what else is new...Madison seems to be growing up quite fast lately, which is both exciting and sad. Seems with the arrival of her little sister, she has completely taken on the role of "big" sister and has aged 5 years to prove it! I struggle with dividing my time between the two girls, though both seem to be doing fine, I have to remind myself that this is to be expected and surely there is a reason why God does not double the hours in a day, or give Mom's a clone to ensure 100% of her time goes to each child. That said, I am trying to enjoy all the time I get with each girl...without feeling guilty for not doing MORE! Sigh...

Olivia is still my cuddle bug, though she is growing fast and wants nothing more than to join in the fun with her sister. Our newest game is to "chase" Maddie around the living room. I'll hold Olivia in my arms and together we'll run after Maddie, or Maddie will run past us and Olivia just squeals with excitement! I'm amazed at how few things scare or startle her! Must be a second-child matter as most everything scared Maddie (even the sound of packing tape...memories)!
Olivia is not nearly as talkative as Madison was (and still is), though she thoroughly enjoys "complaining" when sleepy and will often complain herself right to sleep if I join her conversation.
She has pretty much ditched the pacifier and now sucks her fingers of (entire) hand! She'll even latch onto my hand or forearm when changing her diaper (pinning me with both her hands and clinging for dear life!
Olivia rolls to her sides now and arches around to see or grab things. She loves it when I "click" my tongue and completely melts if I lightly tickle around her face/head...she'll close her eyes, duck her head down and open mouth smile (love this)!
Another new happening for Olivia is her talking scream! She isn't as "chatty" as Maddie but my goodness she can certainly communicate! Lately she will let out an ear piercing scream (with a smile) out of nowhere! I've started to "scream" back and she smiles and does it again. This can go on and on as the screams get louder and louder with each round. At times this will turn into a cry but can often be stopped if I laugh and pick her up.
I noticed that her little ear fuzz is nearly gone (she had some serious dark hair on her little ears when she was born...I even trimmed it down when she was 2 months old)! It's nearly gone now and her hair (on her head) is getting thicker. Her little head is still slightly flat on one side. At her 2 month appointment the Doctor pointed it out (I had not even noticed) and suggested it may have been from her position in the womb (she was stuck in there pretty good...can't help but wonder if that was it?). I was worried but the Dr. assured me that it is nothing more than cosmetic and that her hair will cover it completely later on.
I still love to place my hand on the back of Olivia's head and rub...takes me back to the last few months of my pregnancy when she was in breech position, I could feel her little head beneath my ribs...so very precious.
I am still nursing every 1-2 hours during the day (for about 5 minutes at a time). Olivia is gaining weight fine (weighed 15 pounds at her 4 month appointment) and wakes 1-2 times a night to eat. She often nurses to sleep and will play with my hands and face, while nodding off (so sweet)!
We've put the crib together in our room for now with her beautiful designer bedding as she has outgrown the bassinet but still wakes to eat at night (not to mention we are still unsure of how the girls are going to do in the same room)! It works well now (though our master bedroom feels ridiculously small now). Ron and I continue to discuss how to handle our needs for more space, without upgrading to a new home. Tab and I shared a room till I was 14 so I know it can be done. I just want each of the girls to have a beautiful space and I know that combining the two will make for one tight living quarter! Oh well...selfish wants that do not justify a larger mortgage payment (Ron and I both agree on this one)!

What's new with Madison?
We are continually amazed with how smart our little 4 year old is. For the past few months she has been making up (really long) words and using them in regular discussion. For example "Insection" and similar sounding words. She used this one with me last week! She'll use them in a way that I have to stop and ask myself if it is a real word!
She can now count to 30 without help and can add with her fingers. She is sounding out words for spelling and reading (spelled dog, cat, frog, lamp at lunch the other day). She will sound out words on her own and try to spell them (for fun). She absolutely loves a challenge and thrives on the praise she receives. We still love to bake together. Madison runs the mixer, helps to pour ingredients and even cracks the eggs (though I usually have to pick out the shells)!
She is wearing a size 5 or 6 (long arms and legs with a tiny little waist...just like me of course...tee, hee, hee)! Her best friend is Sierra Howard (who lives 2 houses down from us and comes over for play dates weekly). The two of them will be lost in make believe for hours on end playing tea party, cooking, dress ups, my little ponies and board games. Olivia loves to watch them play...I swear when wants nothing more than to join the "big" girls already)!
Another of Maddie's famous quotes...when Olivia starts to get fussy she'll say "Olivia is going to blast off to tears!" Or "Olivia is cranking!". She LOVES to hold her sister (has to hold her at least once a day) and is constantly kissing her. Olivia does well putting up with all the attention (wanted or not) and Madison even changes diapers (wet ones) on occasion. Olivia loves her sister and vice versa. When she sees Maddie in the morning, her face lights up and she smiles ear to ear at the sight of her sister. Madison also loves to see Olivia when she first wakes (asking me if she can tell her "Good morning" as soon as she hears a peep from her crib). Madison will help me every chance she gets (grabbing the burp rag, getting a toy for her sister or keeping Olivia occupied if I have to do a chore). She never complains and is always eager to help her sister...could I have asked for more?!

I suppose I should wrap this up...Olivia is beginning to stir and the clock for my "me" time is ticking!
Excited for our trip to Anchorage for Thanksgiving and our first Christmas as a family of 4!

October 12, 2009 Not a Newborn any more...

Today Olivia is 3 days shy of 4 months old! She wakes each morning with (enormous), toothless grins and laughs at the slightest eye connection, ending in a shy, turned down head into her little baby hands.
Mornings are my favorite...Our one time a day to be alone, to take her in, like I took in Madison and to enjoy the simplicity of motherhood (in my jammies with my coffee in hand and the curtains drawn).

What's New?
Olivia rolled over for the first time on September 22. At first I thought it was a fluke...I had just placed her on her belly and over she went! So I tried it again and she did it 3 more times in a row (all caught on camera)! She does not care for tummy time, though she will put up with it for a few minutes (before rolling over onto her back). She holds her head up really well and stands (with support). We put her in the Jumperoo last week and (though she does not jump) she seems to really like being up with the rest of us (not lying down). The night before last we pulled the high chair out as well and she was quite thrilled to be up with us at the table (rather than lying on her playmat next to my chair)...Seems like all these things are happening much faster this time around and (though it is exciting to see her progress) it's sad to see my baby is no longer a "newborn"!
sigh
Olivia blessed us with her first real belly laugh last month (cutest laugh ever). She loves it when I take off her socks and "eat her toes"...really loves the whole building up to it. She'll laugh as soon as I start to make the "Awwww...." sound! I love to see her character emerging. I've found she has that "twinkle in her eye" like she's just waiting for a reason to laugh at any time.
Though Olivia is sleeping through (most) nights at 8-10 hours, she does not like to nap (only taking 20 minute sessions every now and again) and will fight it most often (flailing her arms and head, when I'm bouncing her and she begins to doze). However, she definitely responds to the sound of my voice and is easily calmed when I whisper (low) "Shhh, it's okay, everything is okay...". Unfortunately Ron does not have it so easy. Since our return from our first trip to Anchorage, she is simply inconsolable by anyone but myself...meaning I cannot get away (out of the house) for even a minute. Ron has no problem just letting her cry it out (which I know is right), but I simply cannot stand myself. Though I will let her cry (if I know she has been fed, changed and in need of nothing). She usually just wants me to hold her which makes it quite difficult to work. I had planned to take "maternity leave" but found this impossible when running a business. I had hoped that I could send all new work to my contractors, but that alone proved to be a full time job. Right now I am redesigning "Flowline's" web site (where Ron is working), creating a Flash header for Johnson's Tire Service, a logo and 2 yellow page ads for Cooper Services and am also waiting a response on 2 other bids sent out last week. I am leery to take on too much however, as I simply do not know (from day to day) how much time I will actually have to devote to my projects. I am trying not to get overwhelmed with responsibility (as a mother and a business owner) but find I am pushed to the edge at least once a week...threatening to just close the business and devote all my time to my Husband, daughters and home. However, I know it can't be done as (even though we do not "count" on my income for anything specific) we rely on that money and would be in trouble if it weren't available. That said, as torn as I am, I know it is God's will that I continue to work and just pray the He keeps each ball in motion as I juggle all that I love!
Not where I had intended to go in this entry but definitely a topic at the forefront of my mind.

Madison will be starting school again in January at North Pole Christian School (another good reason for me to work) and is ecstatic to be going back. She has been such a trooper with the addition of her little sister...completely jumping into the role, helping with the baby any chance she gets and showing no animosity to Olivia at all (thank you Jesus)! However, I can see where her life is lacking as I find it harder than ever to get her out of the house to play with friends. So I am excited for her to begin school again, meet some new friends and just be a kid!
Last week Maddie wanted to say the dinner blessing and this is what she said: "I thank you Jesus for this blessing. I would like to live...I would like to stay alive for 59 hundred days, okay? Okay that's good enough for me, Amen".
I'm not sure where that one came from but thought it was pretty cute!
Madison is growing so fast and though she continually tells me she wants to be "Sixteen like (her cousin) Celsea", I think she is struggling with not being a "Baby" any more. She came into the office a couple weeks back...tears welling in her eyes though trying to sincerely smile through it. She looked so overwrought with emotion I thought something horrific had happened. I asked her what was wrong and she said this, "There are thousands of animals who need a home!" I knew instantly that she was referring to the ASPC (?) commercial that shows the abused animals and asks for help...it's really a sad commercial (even I don't like to see it). I explained to her that there are a lot of animals that need help, but that we could not take care of them all, that our home was not big enough. By now she was bawling, so I told her that what we could do was pray for them...just like I do for the children who need homes. Even though I would like to adopt them all, I know I can't. So I trust that God will take care of them. After some coaxing, she agreed to pray for the animals.

Lately emotions seem to rule that 4 year old...making me worry about what may be to come in her teens! I often look at homes for sale (as we are quickly outgrowing our current 3 bedroom). However, if Madison sees me searching, she will nearly be brought to tears saying "I only love this home!". One day I went to look at homes (just driving around and checking out for sales signs on a sunny day) and once Madison figured what I was doing, the only way I could keep her from crying was to tell her that we could keep our home (rent it out) and buy a new one too...possible (though not likely)...just a small white lie to keep the peace.
Oh Lord, just let us get through today.

I hear the coos of a 4 month old...let the day begin!

August 14, 2009 My Girls

I cannot believe that two months have already passed since Olivia's birth. She is growing...changing, so fast that I feel I can hardly keep up with her even now.
Today Olivia is smiling (huge, toothless grins, with dimples in her cheeks and half-moon eyes). She is nursing well, after a 3 week struggle that I had begun to think I was going to lose. Luckily, the same lactation consultant that helped me get through Maddie's nursing struggles, came through again for Olivia with several home visits to guide and encourage me and today Olivia nurses for about 10 minutes every 1-2 hours (during the day) and once at 10:30PM then between 3:30 or 4:30AM and again at around 7AM. So I am getting enough sleep to survive (since the feedings only take about 20-30 minutes including changing her diaper, nursing and resettling...both of us).
Life is chaos, though this time I was ready for it, knowing it will (eventually) calm down. My main concern at this point in my life is enjoying each (and every) moment...wonderful, or trying. Olivia will probably be our last baby and the thought (though I am in agreement with Ron in this decision) is heart wrenching. This pregnancy was difficult and (according to my Doctor) it will only be harder with each additional pregnancy. So, with that thought in mind, I am frantically trying to soak her in as a baby. To not only be "patient" with the crying episodes but to embrace Them, knowing that I will probably never be called upon to get through them again. I know...sounds a little crazy, but there is truly no greater love... or rather, a love more pure than when I look down at my baby daughter, Breathe in her scent and meet her gaze with my own. I can get lost in my own daughter's eyes...

a mother of a newborn gets little immediate return for her efforts, yet somehow it couldn't matter less. I am overjoyed with my daughter's first smiles and cannot wait to get to know the girl behind the dimples, as she grows. Yet at the same time my heart literally aches with the thought of her growing up (too fast). I struggle with the knowledge that I should be excited to see my girls grow into the woman God had intended for them to be. As difficult as this time in our lives is, tending to the constant needs of a newborn, I know now just how fast it all goes by and it tears my heart out to think that this might be the last time I breath in that baby smell and feel my soul leap with a simple smile...
I whisper prayers to Olivia each night, softly in her ear as she begins to nod off at the sound, and somehow I find myself saying (over and over again) "Thank you God for this baby...Thank you for lending her to us to care for...". I just don't think I can ever truly offer enough thanks for what I have been given on this earth.

I had not intended for this entry to give my soul an open mic. Today was an oddly successful day, though I did not get to complete (or even begin) the project I had intended to tackle (photographing all of my maternity clothes for an eBay listing). The box remains in the hall and the camera waits on the counter top. However, I feel accomplished to have tackled quite a few little "to-do's" that have been piling up and stressing me out! Today I successfully balanced my checkbook (first time since Olivia was born), fixed the seam in my new pillow (that darn store tag actually tore the seam when I tore it off)! I also mended our comforter, hot-glued Madison's pink feather onto her pink feathered headband and even added a rhinestone accent (to be honest, the rhinestone happened to by lying on the counter at the time...it was either put it away or glue it to the headband, so now the headband sparkles)! I folded laundry (though it has yet to be completely put away), played restaurant with Madison, returned client emails and am now updating Olivia's journal...of course all this was done between feedings/diaper changes every 1 to 2 hours and while carrying Olivia around in the Mai Tei carrier so she wouldn't cry!
In the end, I have nothing impressive to show for my exhausting day, but feel inside like I am "Super Mom!" and am considering starting a line of camisole's with a big "S" like superman, for all us mom's to wear under our blouses...others may never know the lives we lead, but all you Mom's out there know exactly what I'm talking about and a little super hero cami (I think) is well deserved, after an exhausting day full of "nothingness"!

Hmm, once again...not where I had intended to go with this! Perhaps, I am not getting the sleep I really need?!

Olivia is wonderful. She is a true cuddler...loves to be held and will fall asleep in the crook of my arm with dishes clanging, TV blaring and chaos all around. But if you put her in a quiet room on a bed, she'll be up within 5 minutes! Thank God for my new baby carrier! I've even been able to get back into a routine workout. Each morning I can strap Olivia to me and put in 40 minutes on the treadmill, while she sleeps soundly throughout the whole (jarring) ordeal! I have just under 10 pounds to lose from the pregnancy (thanks to my total junk food cravings and splurges) and am excited to (at least) be able to give myself time for a workout.
Madison remains the model big sister. She adores Olivia and feels that baby could do no wrong. She begs me to hold her (which I of course encourage), HAS to be in the room supervising each and every diaper change and prides herself on the fact that Olivia takes the pacifier better from her, than from anyone else (which is completely true). She is quite involved in all of Olivia's happenings and will gladly "read" to her and calm her down if I am tied up elsewhere. She has gotten used to the occasional crying fits (she used to cover her ears and nearly begin to cry herself), though she has to ensure that someone knows "The baby is crying". The other day I was working in the office (finishing up an email to a client). I heard Olivia crying on the monitor and was just trying to get the email off, when I heard Maddie's voice come over the monitor saying "Mom you need to get up here right now! The baby is freaking out!...(pause)...Mom we need you up here now!". It was just too funny to hear and certainly helped me meet the "freakout" with a smile!

Speaking of...Madison is begging me to play and I've been so tied up with the baby (and life's needs) that play time is hard to come by. So while Ron has Olivia sleeping on his chest, I am going to go play with my first born!

June 15, 2009 Welcome Olivia!

A woman's intuition

They say a woman “just knows” when it’s time (the second time around) and they’re right. Two days earlier I had noticed some changes (blood sugars suddenly high again, slightly nauseated on occasion and an upset stomach). I had also noticed a strange occurrence in my belly…When I would bend down, I would actually hear (and could feel) a gurgle sound! I know sounds a little crazy but when I later mentioned this to Dr. Wappett, he confirmed that it was quite common (I think from the baby dropping down into position, leaving room at the top of the uterus)! Anyway, each of these things weren’t monumental in themselves, but left me feeling the need to ready for what was to come (which I felt would be no later than that week).
My feelings increased when on Sunday and throughout the rest of that night I was feeling that (now all to recognizable) achy, crampy back along with Braxton hicks contractions. The contractions however hadn’t increased in intensity or occurrence to the point of action, though they did leave me convinced that there was surely some action (dilatation) taking place.
The next morning (Monday) I was just waking to ready for the day when I decided to take a bit extra time in the shower…Okay ladies (again, if you’ve had a child…you understand). I was thinking “If I continue to have contractions, odds are that I will be at least going in for an exam today…If this is the case, I had better “clean things up a bit” down there”! So instead of taking a quick shower as planned, I (blindly) went where I had not been (in a time that shall remain undisclosed) and tidied things up a bit…In an attempt to save myself from any possible embarrassment, should today be “the day”!
So shortly thereafter, Madison and I were rushing about to make it to our dentist appointment on time when Ron popped in the door at 9AM, surprising us with an impromptu early leave from work! I was excited to have Ron home early and planned to forgo the rest of our (in town) errands and bring Maddie home after the dentist appointment. We proceeded to rush about to get out of the door on time, so I used the bathroom (for the 100 time that hour) and noticed a “bloody show”…I know, sounds gory but any woman who has had a child knows that this is the actual “technical term”. I knew exactly what it was and immediately called my nurse Faith (unsure of whether or not this would mean we’re a few days out or if I should be checked since I had been having contractions). Well Faith felt that to be safe I should get checked (since Olivia is still presenting in breech and her size was expected to be large.
So our morning plans quickly changed and I realized how blessed we were to have Ron home early as I would not have to worry about bringing Madison along to the exam and possibly to the Maternity ward! Faith had not made me feel I should rush, so I decided to (just in case) pack up the remainder of our over night bags (mine and Madison’s) so that Ron would not have to try to find all our ‘Things’. Once that was done, I headed off to the Woman’s hospital to see what fate laid ahead! Amazing how quickly one’s plans (life) can change…
Two hours later I had been checked by the nurse who confirmed I was dilated to three centimeters and was discussing my options with Doctor Wappett. Here is what he presented:

1.I could send you home to see if the labor stops. The hope would be that we could last another week, allowing her lungs to develop further (since she is only 36 weeks 3 days along and Diabetic Mom’s have babies with lungs that develop 2 weeks behind). However, the fear is that since Olivia is presenting in the footling position (feet first), if my water breaks sooner, the umbilical cord or even a foot could actually begin to come out…not a good thing and making for an emergency C-section.

2.The other option would be to just do a planned C-section now and pray that her lungs are ready.

When presented with the option myself I was a bit unsure…simply because I would never forgive myself if I made the decision to do it now and she wasn’t “ready” to be born. However, as I shared with Doctor Wappett, I was certain that she would not stay put another week and even if I did make it another day, Dr. Wappett confirmed that it would probably not make a difference in her lung development. So in the end we both agreed that we should just do it now and hope for the best.
By 3:30PM Ron was at my side, Madison was headed up to Aunt Floss’s house (with her cousins Adia and Elsa for a slumber party…she couldn’t wait to go) and we were walking down the hall to the operating room. Faith Walsh (my trusted friend and nurse) was allowed to attend (though they kind of worked the system a bit to get this approved) and as they were prepping my back for the spinal she held my hand and offered words of encouragement that I was more than grateful to hear. The whole experience was surreal (to say the least). The Doctors and Nurses were chatting about (to me and amongst themselves) but I could barely make out a simple sentence as my body was wracked with nerves of what was to come. Faith continued to offer encouragement and each time she held my hand (as they laid me back on the table), I was surprised with how grateful I was for the friendly touch. Finally Ron was allowed to join us and he quickly took hold of my hand and stood at my head, assuring me of his love and thanking me for being such a good Mom.
It wasn’t but a moment before the procedure had begun. The anesthesiologist kept me informed with each happening around me (which truly did help to put my mind at ease), she continued to check on me and Ron would squeeze my hand and offer encouragement while also popping over the divider to take a peak! I was quite surprised that he looked at all (as he had previously warned me that he did not think he could stand to see his wife “cut open”), but once he took one look he couldn’t look away (like a train wreck I imagine)! I didn’t mind though…it was somewhat reassuring to know that he was overseeing the birth and that things must not be “that bad” if he could handle it!
Pretty soon they had announced that the uterus was presented and that they were going to have her out soon. I had feared the pulling and the pressure (I had heard so much about before) but was completely relieved when it proved to really not be what I had expected. However, the Doctor’s (there were 2, Dr. Wappett and Dr. Hess) kept referring to how large her hips were as they pulled and tugged. Finally (after 5-10 minutes of both of them pulling), they made incision larger and managed to wedge Olivia free. Words cannot describe my feeling of relief when at 4:43PM I heard this baby wailing (loud and long) at the top of her lungs, before she was even out of the womb! The Doctors remarked of her loud cry and then laughed as she respectively relieved herself on the Doctor upon her exit (peed on Dr. Wappett)!
I was overcome…absolutely overcome with emotion, unable to stop the tears as I watched my healthy daughter being quickly cleaned and prepped by the pediatrician’s. I was overwhelmed with relief that she was not silent…she was okay. I had feared for this baby’s health for months…much more so than I had with Madison, as the pregnancy with Olivia was so much more trying. I just feared that something would be wrong or that there would be complications during the labor.
However, despite my fears, Olivia’s Apgar was 8.8, she was pink, absolutely wailing, weighing in at 8 pounds 12 ounces and measuring 20 5/8” long with a beautiful, little round face and thick black hair. The Doctor placed her on my chest and gave Ron and I a moment to take it all in. What a day it had been!

Unfortunately the events to follow for me were not quite so fun-filled. Upon being wheeled around several corners to the recovery room, I immediately felt ill. I proceeded to throw up for the next 3 or 4 hours and finally, after receiving 3 different prescription anti-nausea medications, did I finally feel stable. However, I soon found that I had a (common) reaction to one of the drugs given during the C-section and couldn’t help but itch my face, hands, legs, arms, etc for the next 24 hours straight! The spinal remained in effect throughout the night, unable to move my legs. So the catheter stayed in (along with my insulin drip and other IV meds) and large inflatable casts were placed on both legs which proceeded to inflate/deflate continuously for the next 24 hours (to keep the blood moving and lessen the chance of any clotting)…all things not shared with you before you have a C-section!
I spent the night being woken every hour for a blood sugar test, spending no time actually in sleep that night. The next morning I attempted to apply some makeup at 7AM (wanted to feel “normal” at least somewhat), but ended up only crying because when I woke Ron asking him to get things for me (since I could not move) he instinctively responded with an early morning response of “Where’s the nurse?” which immediately sent me into tears, feeling trapped in my bed with no love or support from my Husband…Of course (upon waking a bit more and seeing me breaking down) Ron saw the error in his reply and helped gather all the little things I needed to attempt to make myself presentable.
Fortunately that morning’s events were the worst of it. A few hours later, the nurse and Ron helped me to sit up, slowly stand and take a few small steps on shaky “jell-o” legs that barely seemed to hold my weight any more (it’s amazing how weak I felt and how painful every small movement was). Luckily the healing process moved swiftly from that point. Ron and my nurse helped me walk (VERY SLOWLY) down the hall to the nursery (anything to see my baby), where I was able to nurse for the first time. Oh it was a wondrous relief! Olivia was amazing…She cuddled up to me, latched right away and began to nurse! I was ecstatic! After having spent a full 12 months struggling with nursing Madison, I was absolutely relieved to have this little one just take right to it without even trying! Thank you, God! Ron and I spent the next hour, amazed at this little wonder…both comparing her appearance to Madison’s at birth. I thought Olivia’s hair was lighter and that she didn’t look anything like Madison. Ron thought she looked just like Maddie (only smaller at almost a pound less). One thing we did agree on was how amazing it is to love this little child as much as we loved our first in less than 24 hours of having met her. I look into her little eyes and my heart aches with love for her. I press her close to me and breathe in her smell and fall in love again…I was told it would be, but couldn’t have imagined that it would be like this.

Olivia is now 2 days old and we are both still at FMH. She had some fluid in her lungs from the C-section and her blood sugar was 31 (which is common for babies of Diabetic mothers), so the Doctors are waiting for her blood sugar to remain controlled (without a sugar/water IV, simply by nursing alone) at this point. Tonight she nursed successfully for 20 minutes straight on both sides (which is a huge improvement from the last few feedings where we had found it difficult to keep her awake). This time she went right to it and didn’t fall asleep once! Huge success! And I was told earlier today that she will probably be able to move out of the NICU tomorrow and into my room (finally)! And will (more than likely) be discharged with me on Friday…Thank you, Jesus!!!
I too am improving rapidly. By last night I was moving from my room to the nursery without any assistance, standing and sitting on my own and was able to retrieve Olivia from the bassinet on my own (instead of having to sit and have them hand her to me). Today I am moving at a slightly faster than half pace walk and have asked to have my pain pills (Vicadin) dosed down to just 1 (instead of 2)…I hate feeling “out of it” when trying to move throughout my day! So I feel much better all around. The nurses have been wonderful…caring for my needs and truly caring for Olivia as well. I remember with Madison the struggles I had after the nursery continued to bottle feed her for the first 5 days. This time, they fed her with a tube (when she was first born and needed to raise up that blood sugar), but since have used the IV to stabilize her and called me to nurse each time it was needed. They have truly respected my wishes and I feel so much better about our odds with nursing the full length with Olivia.

Today was also a monumental day for Madison. She met her little sister for the first time. Ron has been at the house with Madison since yesterday (since I am still in the Hospital), so he showered and prepped Maddie and came laden with food and treats to the Hospital for Madison’s first visit to see her sister. We had expected however, that she would only be allowed to see her through the glass NICU window (since I had asked if we could bring her out into the hall just for a minute and had been denied), but when my nurse was walking me to the window she said “Well this will be easier”, popped open the door and said “I assume my secret is safe with you?” letting us bring Olivia out to see Maddie in person. Madison was thrilled! She just kept giggling and saying “Aww look at her little hands…little feet, her hair…” She seemed beside herself with awe over this baby but would not touch her! I tried to prompt her to give Olivia a kiss but she just wouldn’t. Ron really wanted her to kiss her, so he continued to encourage it but finally Madison said “I’m just nervous, Daddy!” and shied away. I truly think that she was a bit scared to touch this baby that we had made such a fuss over and waited to patiently for, for so many months. There were no signs of jealously or the like…she was absolutely in awe over her little sister. I’m excited to see how she is with her, once she is a bit more accustom to this baby at our home. It will be wonderful!
So here I sit at 12:15AM, trying to remember the amazing miracle of the past 2 (now 3) days. As I write, I am overcome with relief, love, renewal and peace as my life was stopped in its tracks last Monday and this week ends with a new baby in our home. I thank you, God for this miracle…for her health, for my health in the C-section and for my family as we begin this new path with another passenger on board. I know how blessed I am to have this precious gift and I just pray that I am the mother God wants me to be for both of my girls, so that they can become the woman God had intended them to be.
Amen.

May 27, 2009

Feeling wonderful...relieved...after a successful Ultrasound appointment yesterday (at just under 34 weeks along). Olivia is now measuring at 5 1/2 pounds (only about 1 pound more than "normal") and the NST (non stress test) shows her kicking and doing wonderfully! Our only point of concern is that she is still in the breech position (with her back to mine) and Dr. Wappett had to point out that her head is measuring larger than "normal". However, I did notify him that a large head in my family IS the norm! So I think we're good!

It's wonderful to feel Olivia moving about (rolling rather), though my belly seems so much larger than it was with Madison and there is one point on it that actually hurts quite a bit when she moves (can't even touch it)! Strange... But all is normal and at this point I could ask for nothing more.

The baby shower for Cheryl and myself was a success (on May 9th in Anchorage) and I've already set up Olivia's clothes and "things" in half of Madison's closet. Ron put together her bassinet last week (just in case...we were worried she might be arriving this week) and I just received her new diaper bag in the mail today. I've also ordered an amazingly beautiful "Glenna Jean Isabella" crib bedding set (on ebay of course for $175....a fraction of the "brand new" price of $400) and cannot wait for it to arrive!
Of course I'm dying to begin to move "the girl's" room around to accommodate the crib, but am making myself wait as she will surely be in our room for 3-6 months (and Maddie could use the room for ALL HER TOYS)!
The planning is too fun and I find that I cannot help but open her closet and thumb through the (tiny) clothing every now and again (imagining what she will look like and how life will change around here).
I am not in the process of packing my hospital bag though it's all somewhat surreal. I cannot wait to see this little angel, but in the same breath, cannot imagine being a mother of two and having a newborn in our home again! I'm trying not to obsess over my lack of control and inability to plan for what is to come but it can be truly consuming when I try to plan for future work or life in general (will I even be able to run my business with 2 little ones afoot)? I just don't know. I just pray that all will be well regardless and that (financially) we'll get by without issue.

Speaking of planning...I have come to terms with a C-section, if she is still breech at 37 weeks and at this point really don't care how she gets her, so long as she gets here safely! I just hope that Ron does well in the O.R. as he's already stated that he doesn't think he can watch his wife be "cut open" (can't help but understand that one)! So we'll see what God has in store.

My Aunt Floss has offered (so generously) to care for Madison while Olivia makes her debut. We've planned a "slumber party", bought a sleeping bag and will pack a night out bag all for Maddie (who cannot wait but spend the night with Aunt Floss), so I'm relieved to know we have a plan and better yet, that Madison is excited for it (she's never spent a night away from us so this will be a BIG venture for both of us)!
Madison is thrilled with the prospect of her little sister and will occasionally sing "Twinkle twinkle little star" to my belly, kiss it and just whisper to Olivia (not sure what she is saying to her...but it's too cute to watch)!
Maddie gets excited with every purchase made for "her" sister and seems to enjoy the preparation as much as I do! How could I have been so blessed?!
Maddie's last day of school was May 15th and her "preschool graduation" was on the 12th. Ron and I were so proud of her! She sang with her class on stage (even doing all the proper hand motions) and only had one melt down (when the kids sang a song that had them yell "AMEN!"...didn't like the yelling)! But she got back up on stage moments later and smiled and sang the rest of the program. Love it!
Summer is officially here (it's been 90-100+ on our deck for a week) and Madison and I have been out enjoying it daily. She has been practicing riding her new bike (though she quickly tires of it and opts to play make believe barrista instead)! She loves to play in the dirt and sand now (ugh), "planting gardens" in the rocks and making pretend coffee drinks for Ron and I to order. The funny thing is that she is the most disagreeable pretend barrista ever! She asks what you would like but no matter what you ask for she says "Um, we don't have that one" (with a smirk on her face)! Poor child will never keep a job! :)
She has one amazing imagination though. She will often just want to chat (like ladies) where she will proceed to tell me all about her 40 children and how each one has some kind of drama (usually their in jail or they've died)! Sounds completely horrible really and I don't know why they always have to have such bad outcomes! Hmm....Either way it's hilarious! She makes up names on a whim like 'Batista' and 'Salita' and can go on for an hour about all of life's (pretend) happenings. She's quite the story teller and gets truly lost in the details.
At my last Dr. appointment I had brought along crayons for her to color with but instead she said, "let's just chat" as she sat herself across from me in the chair and proceeded to tell me about her 40 kids for the next hour! It's too fun to partake in and I have to remind myself to slow down, look her in the eye and imagine with her.
I often remind myself that these days will come to an end and one day I may be dragging details out of her...Must enjoy this...encourage this now!
Maddie quote to remember: While sitting on my toilet and "reading" one of my devotionals, Madison was inturrupted with my hair dryer and said "You disapointed me while I was reading this book!"

Till next time...Thank you God for being with Olivia...for guiding her even now, Lord! Please be with my family always.

Only 6 more weeks left!

April 24, 2009

My Ultrasound revealed Olivia as 8 days larger than she "should" be. She is healthy (kicking like crazy and rolling about...I can even see it through my shirt now) and all appears fine. However, upon meeting with Dr. Wappett he informed me that although 8 days is better than the 14 he thoughts it was, she is going to be a large baby (noting that Madison never measured larger and still she was 9 1/2 lbs at 5 weeks preemie)! So he told me that he has no doubt Olivia will be larger than Madison...NOOOOO!!!!!
I just can't help but work the math in my head...if Maddie was 5 weeks early and 9 1/2 lbs, that would mean that if Olivia gets to 37 weeks (or more), she will be well over 10 pounds...right?!
I am beginning to think that a C-section is going to be inevitable and (as my Mom and friends have kindly pointed out) may be something I am quite grateful for...considering the size. However, I am a bit more than nervous as we get closer to the date (I'm almost 30 weeks now) and can't help but wish I could plan for the event more (at least knowing what to expect). But I know God has a plan and truly...As long as Olivia is healthy (let me say it again)...healthy...I am happy.

My discomfort with the ligament issue has gotten somewhat better (most days). Dr. Wappett explained that once it has stretched a bit more, it will get better. This was a relief as I had assumed the pain would only increase with the size of the baby, so I've been able to walk around a bit easier which has made a world of difference!
My biggest complaint now is at night. After dinner, my ribs (on my right side) feel like they are absolutely going to burst...it burns and aches so very badly and nothing seems to offer relief. I am finding it nearly impossible to even sit on the edge of Madison's bed at night (saying prayers, singing, rubbing her arms) as my side will burn so badly from the angle. I've tried bending over, straddling a chair, lying down...nothing works...Thank God my little Maddie is such a trooper. I have to say I am amazed at how reasonable she is for a 4 year old! I tell her that "my belly hurts" and that I have to cut the story time or arm rubbing short and she is fine with it. If I have to close my eyes on the couch (due to complete lack of energy)...Again, she is fine with it. Lately she'll lay at my side, watch a cartoon and if I open my eyes will simply say "Are your eyes awake now?". I am so thankful that she's been so open to my needs. She is so caring and nurturing, it's really amazing to see. I can't wait till she can do the same for her little sister, sharing in the rewards of loving her!

Madison's 4th Birthday was a huge success. We had it at Gymnastics inc with 10 of her closest buddies (most from her school). They all had a blast and Maddie was more than happy to have received her one (constantly) requested gift..."Lelli Kelly" shoes (these gawdy, beaded mary jane shoes that are extremely over priced...though I found hers for $40 less than retail on ebay).
We also bought her, her first "real" bike which she immediately began practicing on in the garage, after the party.

Later that week Grandma Carmen sent Maddie a pair of Strawberry Shortcake shoes (that light up with glitter on them) and (sad to say) my Lelli Kelly's were somewhat forgotten (shish...had I known, I could have saved $30)!
Anyway, when chatting with Carmen on the phone about the new shoes, I overheard Maddie tell her "I saw those shoes at the store and they caught me in the eye..." I thought it was too cute (trying to say "They caught my eye").
Another new Maddie phrase has been "Awe nuts!". She says it for everything that goes slightly wrong..."Awe nuts!".
She also helps me do my blood sugars now (she loads the finger poker and does the shot). She even begs the nurses at my Doctor appointments to do my other shots as well! Luckily they kindly refuse but all agree that she will make one heck of a nurse one day! She loves to apply our bandages to any "owie" and is not in the least deterred by the sight of blood. She had her own immunization shots last week and knew they were coming (I warned her before we left the house, not wanting her to think I was tricking her). She assured me that they weren't needed and tried to convince the nurse as well, that we should probably wait till later, but when the time came, she laid back willingly with no tears and only cried quietly when the actual shots were given. Truly it almost makes it worse, that she's so grown up about it...I just held her little hands and told her it was almost done, that the shots will keep her healthy...
To ensure (no permanent damage was done from the trauma) we ended the Afternoon at Play McDonald's (her favorite hangout in our small town) and gave her a sucker on the way out of the Doctor's office. What a big girl!

I'm just amazed at how much she has grown. She loves to be my "little chef" in the kitchen. Her job is controlling the kitchen aid mixer, pouring ingredients and stirring. She then takes over the sink of messy bowls and spoons, playing with the sprayer (making a huge mess around the sink) and telling me how she's baking a pie, offering me an occasional (pretend) taste off one of her spoons.

She will also busy herself at the dining table, pulling out her bin of crayons, markers and scissors and making amazing works of art that she insists I bring to my customers...calls them "emails"!
She can write her name now, though not all of the letters are not completely legible...she is doing quite well. Her teacher has told me that she is far above her level (places her with the older kids for crafts and such). Madison was even the ONLY child in her class to get all of the answers right on one of their tests (and most of the kids are at least a year older...she's only 1 of 4 that are in the pre, preschool level)...so needless to say, we're quite proud. When we go to her parent/teacher conferences it's nothing but good news. They report that she is "quiet" and that they have to remind themselves to check on her because she'll just busy herself with her work. Though they do report that she has quite a few friends...Alexis is her closest friend with several others that occasionally make it to "best friend" status for a day before Alexis returns to take her title.

We often have our neighbor girl (Sierra) come to play as well. She is Madison's age and quite a sweet little friend. The two of them will play for hours, some days with no drama at all and other days that leave me completely exhausted (and also hoping that this is not a glimpse into what we have in store with a little sister)!
But all in all, she has some great friends, we get out often (she loves to go for a drive into town, go shopping or go to play McDonalds). She's definitely my "little buddy" as she truly enjoys wondering the stores, pointing out special things and just browsing. She even helped pick out Olivia's first stuffed animal (a small..super soft...white lamb that plays a lullaby). She loves to pick things out for Olivia and I'm always sure to get something for her as well (though she seems to understand that she too received all the same special things at birth and never seems jealous).

All in all, I am extremely thankful for such an easy going daughter. I pray that it will continue and that I will be able to juggle all my roles successfully, not leaving one out of the loop in the process (surely every mother's hope, right?)!
We will be heading to Anchorage next Friday (the 1st of May) till the 10th, to throw a baby shower for Cheryl (and myself). Hoping it is a success and hoping to be able to relax a bit upon my return (as I am wrapping up work projects now and planning to take my maternity leave in June). We'll see how it goes!

God Bless you all for your prayers...Only 2 more months left!

April 8, 2009

Time flies! The snow is rapidly melting, the days are getting longer and my belly is expanding at a rate I did not recall with Madison at this time!

Life is exceedingly more uncomfortable each day and I am quickly learning that each pregnancy is well..."different"! This time around I am much more achey...back aches, tummy feels like it's stretched to it's complete limit and I've learned just why pregnant mom's "waddle"! For a week I could barely walk. Getting out of my seat was torture and taking more than a few steps was quite painful. After calling Faith (my friend and nurse) I discovered that (after the first baby) it is common to have overextended the ligament located just at the base of the uterus...making it quite painful to move around. An "easy" solution is to wear my belly band tightly at the lowest part of my belly...Unfortunately that is also wear my insulin pump is located which in itself has become quite an issue to place (scar tissue and a super tight belly has made for lots of bent canulas...thus no insulin getting in)! BUT, I am working with it. I wear the belly band for a day, then take it off for a day till I can feel the pulling again... Who said we're not officially "Mom's" till that baby is born?! Oh the sacrifices we make and somehow it's more than worth it! :)

My last Doctor visit had me measuring a bit larger than I should be (2 weeks more), so I will be having an ultra-sound next week (yay) to see just how big Olivia is...
I have to admit, this one has been keeping me up at night. Not that she will be big (well, okay...that matters too) but that she will be healthy. Another difference in this pregnancy is my blood sugar control. With Maddie I actually had to turn my pump off for half the day (which is unheard of in a Diabetic pregnancy as the placenta is actually delivery anti-insulin hormones which should demand MORE insulin on my part). Well this pregnancy is a "typical" Diabetic pregnancy with outrageous swings in my readings and for no apparent reason other than hormone variations. The hard part is that they change daily so although I test 10-12 times a day and adjust my insulin each time, I am always chasing these highs...

I was told that a reading over 200 will make her gain weight. This is scary because most of my readings are over 200 (with spikes over 300)! I can't help but worry what this does to Olivia...Is she growing properly? Are her organs affected? What does it do to her? Dr. Wappett is vague, which only makes me think he is covering...not wanting me to worry about something I cannot control. But this only makes me worry more.
I pray for her constantly...I cry when I imagine the worst. How could I forgive myself? Somehow it doesnt' matter that I've "done all I could do"...It's still my diseases, my body...my fault...
So I pray that God will not ask this of me...to live my life with this torment but somehow I don't feel He hears. I know that sounds rediculous...But when I was pregnant with Maddie I felt so connected. I would sing "Sanctuary" in the shower daily, feeling God's presence and knowing she was in His hands. This time? I don't feel it and it scares me.
Is it because I'm busier? Because this is my second and I'm subconsciously assuming all will be fine in the end? That doesn't seem possible.

Ron is worried as well. Though he knows there's nothing he can do. I don't really know who to talk to about it because the feeling I receive is simply that people don't understand. When they ask how my blood sugars are and I tell them "not good", they look at me as though it's my fault. If I try to explain the hormone factor, I feel like they're not even listening that it is a weakness on my part and that's it. So I don't really say anything at all but on the inside I just want someone to understand what it's like and to just let me cry really.

Ron continually tells me that I'm "The strongest woman he knows". It feels good to hear it, though I feel like anything but. I'm tired of being "strong" and sometimes just wish I could let it all go (the responsibility of owning and running my business, being the "perfect" Mom, the perfect home maker...wife...). I just wish that I could sleep for a day, have my feet rubbed by someone who tells me "it's all about you" and tend to my own needs for once. I truly wonder if this would be better for Olivia (no stress, just relaxing), but I can't just let it all go and I truly don't want to. So again...guilt for trying to do it all.

Okay, so I didn't mean to ramble and end up typing in tears...Hormones.

I cannot wait to meet this little baby...Olivia. She moves quite a bit (and quite vigorously) which makes me feel better about her health and (of course) is also just exciting to experience. I am excited with the pregnancy. I've finished her beautiful little blanket (extra soft and fluffy), have already washed and hung her clothes, have her side of the closet all prepared with baskets organizing her little things and even bought her first stuffed animal (with Madison) the other day (super soft, white lamb that plays a lullaby).
I suppose I have good days and bad days like all expectant Mom's. It feels good to share (even if it's just in my journal) and in the end I know she is in God's hands.

I would ask that anyone who reads this says a prayer for her health...I thank you in advance.

Only 3 or so months left and time is flying by! I will write again after my ultra sound next week...again, praying it reveals a healthy (not too big) baby in there!

Till then...

March 17, 2009

She's a GIRL! We found out on February 26th, that we are to be expecting another li'l princess, 'round the house this summer!
Madison had said it the whole time (would clasp her hands at night in bed, looking up to the sky saying "Please, Jesus Please tell me...is it a boy or a girl?" She would then announce that God told her it was a girl...I suppose she could have been sincere on that one!).
I was shocked as I had felt certain that this baby was a boy (no reason really, just a feeling), but Ron had said it all along as well, that it was a girl and he was right. We are thrilled (Madison more than any of us)!

So Olivia Noelle Owsley is thumping around in there (I'm just at 6 months pregnant) and I'm loving every minute of it! I've nearly finished her baby blanket and as I am working away on it, simply cannot wait to meet this little God-send...Will she look like Maddie? Me? Ron? Will she be easy going? A little "monkey"? What will she be like???
I just can't wait! Madison tells everyone she meets that "Mommy has a baby in her belly" and that she's going to be a big sister. We talk of it constantly...planning for what she will do and discussing how "those babies" are. Maddie tells me often that Olivia will cry and assures me that she will give her the pacifier and make it better. ALL of her dolls ar now called "Olivia Noelle" by the way. When we were choosing names, Ron was not nearly as sold on "Olivia" as I am (I've loved it for years and could not imagine anything different). However, I bought a baby name book and sincerely searched for other options (none of which compared in the slightest).
Throughout the search I would run names by Maddie and each time she would say, "No! Her name is Olivia Noelle!". Finally Ron agreed that it was a beautiful name (once I told him the meaning was "Peaceful one" that is)! So we're set!

The pregnancy is fine...no real complaints aside from being tired (every afternoon for several hours without fail). I simply love to feel her moving about (and get to enjoy it... constantly). My blood sugars however are not so great. I've done everything I can...testing 10-12 times a day and continually playing "catchup" in hopes of not running too high, too long. Hormones seem to be running my life and it certainly shows in my blood sugars! Thankfully the Doctors are none too worried and the ultra sound showed all as well. My biggest fear now is of having an extremely large baby and needing a C-section...sigh...I pray she is fine regardless of how she arrives. But I truly am terrified of having a C-section. Praying God will "make it work"!

I currently feel somewhat torn...in limbo. My business (Arctic Pixel) has just completed a record breaking year. I feel I've finally gained a good grasp on the inner workings, have wonderful subcontractors and amazing clients (that just keep coming). I've realized that I am the only (real) Web Designer (with a great reputation) in Fairbanks and and feel absolutely blessed by God to be in this situation. However, I am absolutely unsure of what this second little baby will bring. Will I be able to continue to work (say 6-12 months after she arrives)? Or will having 2 around the house with me, be all that I can handle? I am trying to plan now, for what is to come but am having a horribly difficult time finding even a reputable company to refer work to (once Olivia arrives and I am tied down here).
Ugh...I know we are "not to worry about tomorrow" but if I don't worry, who will? I feel a responsibility to tend to my current clients needs later and also feel wrong to turn away new business (without at least referring them to a reliable source).
I am in constant prayer about it, trying to keep my priorities in order....children first, work second. But do not want to make a mistake with the business either.
I try not to stress, but find that this pregnancy certainly differs from the first in this aspect. I love my work but there are certainly times when I wish I could just be 100% Wife and Mother, instead of divvying it up between Wife, Mom and Business Owner. Surely I'm the first woman to be in this situation (tee, hee, hee)...I just pray that God will clear a path, directing me to His way. That's all I can ask at this point. Trusting and being Faithful is something I've always claimed to be...yet here I am...worried, stressed, trying to plan something that I have no control over.
In the end, all I have to do is think of meeting Olivia for the first time...holding this new little creation in my arms and learning her own little ways...This relaxes me to a point I cannot describe and truly puts life in perspective. God will provide.
Forgive me for my doubts and thank you for this precious gift you have given to my family!

February 16, 2009

This pregnancy has gone beautifully, thus far. I'm just under 20 weeks (halfway point...yay) and really can't believe it's going by so fast! The first few months I dealt with some morning sickness (having to snack all day to keep it at bay), but never actually got sick...whew! Now I'm enjoying my normal energy levels (returning to "normal" a few weeks back) and am feeling baby kick off and on throughout the day. Two days ago (Valentine's day), Ron too felt the baby kicking around, for the first time! We were chatting on the couch (Maddie was already asleep) and the baby seemed to moving constantly, so I had him place his hand on my tummy and sure enough, he was able to take part (finally)! It just makes it all the more exciting to share in the experience with him.

I am absolutely dying to know if we'll be having a boy or a girl and have an ultrasound appointment on the 26th of this month, to hopefully put an end to the mystery! So much is hinging on this one thing, that I simply cannot stand the wait! If it is a girl, she and Madison can share a room, when she's moved out of our bedroom. BUT, if it's a boy? The office will have to be converted to an "All boy" sanctuary (which is already totally planned out in my head, by the way and would be absolutely gorgeous)! The problem is that I would have to move my office to the master bedroom, rearranging the master as best we can to suit it. However, we are well aware that I may not be able to continue my Web business as-is, with 2 children anyway. It's all somewhat stressful, though God has already paved the way...
Ron was offered (and accepted) a full time position as GF (general foreman) for Flowline (the place he has been welding at for the past year, here in Fairbanks). The new job brings forth a substantial raise (that should cover my lack of input) and also promises to keep Ron in town permanently (no having to work up North for 4 months at a time in the winter any more)!!!! THIS IS HUGE for us and we hadn't even asked for it! Oh yes, God is good (to say the very least) and is making this transition an easy one.

However, I am still dying to know the sex of this little miracle and so is Madison. At night when we say our prayers, she says "Dear God, please tell me! Is it a boy, or is it a girl?!" Then she says, "Okay, God says it's a girl." Though when asked by others if she thinks it's a boy or a girl, she says "God knows what's best." Oh yes, you have to love her!

I personally think this little one is a boy...though I have no scientific reason to think so...I just do.
I will actually be shocked if it is a girl, though not disappointed (as it would be wonderful to have to li'l princesses and to see them grow as good friends), but since this may be out last, I would be somewhat saddened to not see a mini-Ron following him around the garage, like Maddie does to me in the kitchen (Oh how I love my "little chef")!
I figure it's a win/win situation either way. A boy would be an adventure of sorts, bringing forth more change and offering a new perspective. But a girl would be an easy transition (I'm all over the girl stuff...beading, cooking, tea parties and dress-ups...I'm a pro)!
Like Maddie says, "God knows what's best".

Speaking of Maddie, I could not be any more thrilled with the response from her, towards the "sibling to be". She checks my belly daily, reporting "It's getting bigger, Mommy"! She let's me rest when needed (15 minutes of shut eye on the couch while she quietly plays nearby) and consistently reminds me of her duties when the baby arrives...saying, "I get to change the baby's diaper, feed the baby, hold the baby, sing the baby to sleep..." She is very excited and her love for all things "baby" is absolutely endearing. I am sure that I will be fighting for "my time" with the baby, but figure it will be a small price to pay for such a helper.

Let's see, so I am trying to recall differences from this pregnancy to my first...
- I am completely showing and have been for about a month (look much more pregnant than most woman who are 7 months along)!

- I have been craving junk food! With Maddie all I ate was salmon and broccoli and I'm afraid that this time around I am craving chocolate and chips. Though I am trying my best not to indulge, it really is hard to resist (and that li'l voice in my head says "It's okay, you're pregnant...treat yourself"...bad, bad voices)!

- Less energy. I think this might be simply because I already have one little one to tend to, as well as a full-time, home based business AND a house to tend to. However, Madison has done so well with understanding and letting me slow down, I absolutely have nothing to complain about.

Other than the above, I would say both pregnancies were pretty great at this stage. I am praying I wont' have preeclamsia again (how can a Mom of a 3 years old be on bed rest for a month?) and also praying that God is with this little one like He was with Madison. I had so much time to dream, to pray, to fantasize about the birth of Maddie and this time? I'm afraid it's all going by so very fast...I already feel bad about that. I do pray for this little baby every time I think of it...I know God knows my heart, knows my life situation and just pray He hears my unspoken requests as well. Sigh...I'm already struggling to balance my time and the baby is not even here yet!

I will write again when we know what to buy...pink or blue!
And will end on this note...

God has blessed this family time and time again. Both Ron and I reflect on His works and are humbled by His gracious hand in our lives. We are undeserving and imperfect but ever so thankful for His mercies and His grace. I feel that this new baby is another miracle in the making and am ecstatic to see what God has in store for this family as a whole. You are awesome Lord! To God be glory for all things...Amen.

November 10, 2008

On November 2, 2008 Ron and I found out that we were expecting a new little addition to our family of three!
The crazy thing is that I knew I was pregnant, the third day into the pregnancy (on October 9th)! The joke in our family is that us "Dowd woman" are so fertile, you look at us the wrong way and we might get pregnant. Well when Ron and I decided to try for another child, I charted my "most fertile" days and kept notes (with Madison I hadn't known how vital it was to know her exact due date, so I was hoping to be better prepared this time around).
So 1 week before my fertile time, we decided we should, you know "practice" (tee, hee, hee). Three days later I had one of those vivid dreams (like you're watching a movie, it's so vivid and everything makes sense...almost too real). I joked with Ron that I thought I was pregnant. A couple of days later I had major pressure in my lower abdomen (like I had when I was in my third trimester with Maddie). I also had to use the bathroom a lot. At this point, I began to wonder if I was willing these symptoms into existence (I shouldn't have even been able to get pregnant that week). The next morning I was drinking my morning coffee and half way into it, nearly vomited. Instantly, the smell, even the thought of the coffee sickened me. That's when I knew!
The next several days to follow I felt more sick than I ever did with Madison (carried a large zip lock bag with me, just in case). I scoped out the nearest garbage can, or bathroom where ever I went, as I always felt like I was going to be sick. Luckily I never did. Then the Saturday to follow, Madison wanted to play outside (beautiful, snowy day, not too cold). I had been feeling quite a bit of pressure and a bit crampy, but thought it would be fine to run around and get some exercise, so out we went.
About 20 minutes into it (running through the snow), I doubled over in pain and had to "baby step", bent over back into the house. The whole time I was thinking, "I'm losing this baby...I need to lay down" but still had to get Maddie's boots, coat, hat, scarf, mittens, etc off. So I quickly did all I could (leaving the wet clothes in a heap in the entry) and curled up on the couch. Every move I made hurt horribly (just like contractions) and I prayed that God would be with us. Don't ask why I didn't go to the ER (of course I couldn't have driven). I just waited it out.
About 5 hours later, Ron came home. The crazy thing is that just before he pulled into the drive, I got up to put all the clothes away and the pain had completely subsided. Unfortunately, so had the pressure I had been feeling and the sickness. In one instant it was all gone.
I assumed I had miscarried and since it was so early on in the pregnancy, knew that the body could absorb the baby, so I didn't question that lack of "physical evidence".
I had also taken 2 pregnancy tests (both of which came back negative, though I was not surprised as it was so early on in the pregnancy).

Over the next few days with the encouragement of my family and friends, I called Faith (my OB nurse and friend) and told her what happened. Surprisingly, she said this was normal! That the symptoms can come and go in an instant and that the pain of the baby "implanting" in the uterus has sent many a woman to the E. R.!
With a glimmer of hope, I spent the next week taking 3 more pregnancy tests. During that week, the pressure returned (though nothing like it had before), I was 1 week late in my period and felt great (no sickness).
FINALLY on a Sunday morning, I got my positive that I knew should have been! Madison was thrilled (I had already told her before that there was a baby in my tummy). So when Ron came back from the store, I had Madison meet him at the door and say "I'm going to be a big sister!"!! Ron knew exactly what that meant and came upstairs to hug and congratulate me.
This time around, it's more real to him than it was with Maddie, I think. He's already touching my belly and praying for our child to come. It's amazing.

I've been working out again and putting off new contracts till January, so that I can spread out my work and have time to enjoy this pregnancy.
It's nothing like it was when I was pregnant with Madison (working for someone else, I clocked in at 9am and out at 6pm and the rest of the time I spent dreaming of what was to come). Now I own my own business and am never not thinking/worrying about the project at hand. It's quite different, but I'm not going to let it own me while I'm pregnant. I know the importance of NOT stressing when pregnant, so this is my #1 priority right now. Relaxing and enjoying it.

My first OB appointment is December 8th (the day after we return from our Thanksgiving trip to Anchorage), so I'm excited to see what comes of it (and totally hoping I can get an ultrasound)!
I will write more after we have more news.

Oh yes, and our favorite names are:

Girl: (Already decided)
Olivia Noelle

Boy: (Ron will choose from...)

Gabrielle (Gabe)
Donovan
Sutton
Carter

Thank you God for what is to come!!!!

August 30, 2008

It's official! Maddie is now a "school girl". Her first day was August 18th and Ron stayed home from work that morning to cook a special pancake (with jam and whipped cream), eggs and sausage breakfast (with a caramel steamer...of course) for Madison to start off the day. We drove together to North Pole Christian School, met her teacher, Mrs. Estabillo or "Mrs. E" as the kids call her (briefly amongst the chaos of all the new parents and their wee ones), snapped a few photos to remember the "moment", tried to get her comfortable (I had to introduce her to some of the other little girls...she's so shy...I won't be there to hold her hand...no!!!!). And finally Ron pried me away just as she was beginning to cry (though I was told it only lasted a few moments).

She only attends half days, so 3 hours later both Ron and I returned, (hiding in the back, so that Maddie couldn't see us and listening in as the teacher had miraculously calmed the madness and was teaching color and letter recognition). Madison was thrilled to see us and completely excited to share her stories of swinging on the playground, making lots of friends and coloring. Yay! A success!
We topped off this great feat with a trip to "Santa Claus" house (per Maddie's request) and a candy cane as a reward. A lovely day...
I've been so stressed about her going to school, (is it too early...she's only 3, am I a bad mommy to subject her to school so young???), but am now more than assured that this was the right choice for her. She asked to "stay all day", so I'm thinking she agrees!

The photos I sent to family and friends tell the story. The day started off a bit teary (too early to wake up...lots of nerves) but ended all smiles!
Whew!

It's been 2 weeks now and I have to say we have our good days and our bad days. However, even if she's teary when I leave, she's all smiles when I return and if asked if she wants to come back or wait on school, she absolutely wants to stay in school. It's still tough...Praying I don't regret this step at such a young age, but am continually reassured by everyone around me (including Madison) that this is the right thing for her.
We had her first parent/teacher conference last Thursday and her teacher reported that Madison was one of her best listeners...called her "An observer" (surprise, surprise) but also reassured me that she does play with the other girls and is not always alone (my biggest fear...is she just sitting quietly all by herself every day?). So it was good to hear. Her teacher also said "She's definitely one smart cookie"! Yay! I know she's a genius...finally I have official approval from her teacher (tee, hee, hee).

This weekend is also monumental. We bought her, her first "big girl" bed and Ron is putting it up over the Labor day weekend...Yay! It's beautiful (antique white with carvings of bows and a basket weave pattern) and best of all has a trundle bed (for sleepovers)! I'm so excited...envisioning her fist li'l sleepover party! I can't wait (I think Maddie is excited too) :) Of course it's sad to see her precious nursery changing into a toddler room and now into a little girl's room, as well. I just keep praying that I don't miss out on too much, with working and such. It seems life is passing me by some days and then I look into those beautiful eyes and want to scream, "NO! Don't miss this! One day she'll not be asking you to push her on the swing and play tea party...Do it now!" Sigh... I pray that she's never too far from me, emotionally (I can feel the teen years are just around the corner and admit that I'm scared to lose this little one...).

Enough of that! Let us enjoy today!

Speaking of... Ron and I are trying to plan for a little brother or sister for Maddie. My blood sugars are just not where they need to be, so I'm working with the amazing Dr. Burger again to get things right before we "officially" try for another baby. It's exciting to think of yet scary and stressful at the same time. My work has absolutely taken off (what a blessing)! My schedule is nothing like it was when Madison was born (duh...now I have a 3 year old and a job)! So it's hard to imagine how a newborn will affect this well-oiled machine of a life I run, but truly feel God has a plan and it will somehow just have to work. (All prayers are gladly accepted!)
Madison will be the best big sister ever...there's really no question of that one. She's all mommy (to everyone willing to be nurtured) and even with my friend Amanda's little one (Isaiah), she wants to feed, diaper and hold him non-stop. He can't have a little slobber or spit ups without her dabbing it away in record time! She just gets beside herself when she can make him laugh and I've never had to warn her to be safe around him (she just get it). So I'm thrilled with what a new baby would bring to her life as well. Maybe less Mommy time (though I would try my hardest to break it up), but I truly think my hardest battle would be in finding time with the new baby (I'm afraid Madison will want to be the Mom and I'll have to fight for it)! :)
What an adventure...

April 2, 2008

In leau of an earnest attempt at "simplifying" my life, I have decided to lessen the entries in Madison's journal. I know, it was (and still is) a hard one to swallow, but I thought, "Is it more important that I spent time with her today, or spend time writing about it so that she can read it later"? As I now see that my last entry was 7 months ago, I believe time is flying much too fast, not to sit back and enjoy it with my amazing daughter!
That said...Madison has grown imensley in the past few months. We've decided to enroll her in North Pole Christian school's half-day preschool program this August and Maddie couldn't be more thrilled! She's been begging to "Go to school" for months and after meeting with the school (which is just around the corner form our home), Ron and I think it's a great idea to get her involved and introduce her to this new venture. I do have to admit that though I'm excited at the prospect, my heart aches a bit just thinking of that day to come...Surely there will be tears, (hopefully only from me)!

Madison continues to amaze us both with her wit, her nurturing ways and sensitive self. I enrolled her in Gymnastics in February (when Ron left for a 2 and a half month job in Prudhoe Bay) and she has absolutely taken to it! She asks to go every time we drive by the building and when she does get to attend (once a week), she jumps out of the car, races to the door and down the hall to the gym before I can put the car in gear (almost)! It's really wonderful to see that she's not always so shy. She tends to be the "Mother" to any and all other children, when we're out. She encourages the other kids and will announce to me that "This is my buddy...she/he is a good friend" (about a child she just met and barely talked too). I love it. She has a heart of gold and it's truly been a blessing to me, when it comes to explaining life to a 2 year old. She really seems to understand complex things (like adoption...children without mommy's and daddy's or without homes). Sometimes I think she understands a bit too much, so I try to downplay the more harsh realties of life that she really doesn't need to worry herself with (she's not even three for goodness sake and she prays at night for the children without mommy's and daddy's...gotta love her)!

Okay, new sayings!!!

-March 2008: I was calling her name over and over to come upstairs to brush her teeth, she (finally) came up saying "It's nothing to cry about"
-March 2008: When told to take another bite of her dinner she replied with "It's not a big deal." and shrugged her shoulders.
-April: 2008: Also when told to take another bite of her dinner, she said "Do you want a piece of me?" said in an exhausted kind of way like goodness sake, does it have to come to this?!

-When asked to do something like (go to church, pick up her toys, eat food, etc) she'll almost always say (in a nonchalant manner) "Maybe later"
-Her favorite word and response to any question like "What would you like for dinner?" or "What is your favorite color/toy?" She'll say "Yellight". I've asked over and over what "Yellight" is and she just laughs...oh yes and she also prays for yellight quite often (laughing and chuckling as she does)...
-Another smart response I receive: "Okay, okay, okay..." (obviously when asked to do something).
-She moved from her crib to a toddler bed in January and to ensure that she didn't roam around the house at night, I told her not to get out of bed till the sun came up. So now, each time I hear the pitter-patter of little Maddie feet it's followed by "The sun came up!" She will also tell me "I had a good dream" hoping that I will let her get out of bed (after laying her down for a nap less than 10 minutes earlier)...so sneaky!
-She often asks for a drink of my carbonated/flavored water, so I'll say okay, you can have a sip. So now she asks for "A cup of sip" (I think she thinks the water is called "sip")!

What else....

She can say her ABC's all the way through and point out almost every letter in the alphabet without problem (not all days, but often). She counts to 12 and is now an avid game player (Jenga and Sorry are her favorites). She'll actually play Sorry pretty well. She learns the numbers from the cards and we count the spaces as she moves (of course she wants to move all over the board, so I have to make sure my 2 year old isn't cheating me out of a win either)! Oh yes and she LOVES to win (does a victory dance around the living room shouting "I wind, I wind!"...tee, hee, hee)!
Favorite movie (this month) is Shrek 2 and 3. She can now recite some of it which makes me wonder..."A little too much perhaps?" Hmm. She also LOVES musicals (to my heart's absolute delight). Sound of Music, My Fair Lady, Annie...loves them all. We'll dance around the living room singing and playing, rewinding the good music parts over and over...definitely not a relaxing movie night, that's for sure!

She's recently put in a request for a sister and Ron and I are seriously considering "trying" this Fall. It's exciting but scary at the same time. I have no doubt that Madison will LOVE the new addition (she cannot keep away from any baby she sees, any where....has to check them, make sure they're not crying and if they are...has to "fix" it!) She'll be a wonderful big sister and helper to mommy, I'm sure of it. My only reservations are with work. God has blessed me with wonderful clients and a full workload on top of a full mommy load. It's been a difficult balance (to say the least) but one I've managed successfully (with God's hand). So I'm a bit afraid to start over right now with a newborn (knowing the struggles I had nursing Madison that first year), but am prayerful that God has a plan greater than my own. It's exciting to think of it (love the unknown) and lately I've found myself watching Baby shows again on TV (Madison loves them as well). Something I haven't done since I was pregnant with Maddie. So we're thinking that once I get my blood sugars under control (they've been all over the place, for way too long), we'll see what happens. Till then we're loving our daughter (what a God-send) and trying to cherish every moment with her...it goes so quickly...

I'm hoping to keep up with writing in this journal so that Madison will have something to look back on when she's older. I'm so proud of what she is becoming...You can see already the type of person she is growing to be and I'm absolutely bursting with pride and humility that God gave her to us to raise. She's witty (a bit of a smart mouth like her mommy, I must say...but all in good fun), she is an absolute nurturer (searching out a need and doing everything to fulfill it), she's smart (amazes me how much of life this girl comprehends) and understands that God created her and loves her...she will tell you that "'her' Jesus died on the cross" but is quick to point out, "He's not there any more!" How wonderful is that?!

September 1, 2007

Maddie is an official 2 year old! Though if you ask her how old she is, she will often reply "2Teen!" which is more correct than one might suspect!
We haven't had much of the "terrible two's" as of yet and I'm hopeful that Maddie will remain her sweet self, only mildly testing and quick to retract. She's a total people pleaser and nothing saddens her more than to see others hurt or crying. If I'm just thinking (often have a furrowed brow, or worried look I guess), she'll say "Don't cry, Mommy..." come up and either pat my back or kiss the nearest body part! No matter what was on my mind, that quickly reminds me of how blessed we are.
My work has picked up quite a bit and Maddie's nap times have recently become near to nothing, yet somehow I find more time for outings at the park, baking in the kitchen, play dough time at the table and yard play around the house. I really don't know how we fit it all in a day, but somehow God has let us fit in a 28 hour day into only 24 (wow...and people say He doesn't perform miracles any more)!

Maddie's current schedule is pretty unusual, though perfect for our needs. She stays up till about 11:30-12:00 (often playing in her crib till 1:30 or later), then sleeps till 12ish, might have a nap around 4:30-6:30 (but that's optional at this point) and then keeps going strong till we make her lay down at 11:30ish. It's crazy! I really don't know what 2 year old stays up so late (or sleeps in as long as she does), but the schedule allows me to work in the mornings before she wakes (return phone calls without "Mommy..." in the background) and put in half a days work before our "morning" ever gets going! Once Maddie is up, it's all about her.

She dines on oatmeal with raisins and either a banana or strawberry slices and either an egg (sometimes with hollandaise sauce), salmon lox with cream cheese or turkey-ham (the salmon lox are her all time favorite meal)! The girl eats pretty well-rounded meals and is not a picky eater at all. She will at least try something if I ask and if she doesn't like it, we don't push her to eat it (though that hardly ever happens...ever)!
Her favorite lunch is Clam chowder, peas with mayo and mandarin oranges on the side and her favorite dinner would probably be BBQ (kosher) hot dogs with chili and olives! Not that we have hot dogs often...it's just her favorite. She's not so keen on rice and pasta (odd to think she has my genes at all and doesn't care for pasta) but she loves asparagus with hollandaise, broccoli, OLIVES, corn, peas, potatoes with sour cream, most any kind of fruit and salmon and chicken (beef is still touch and go).
Odd to write so much about what my wee one likes to dine on? I just think back to the horror stories my Mom has of myself not wanting to eat anything she served and I thank God that one didn't come back to get me (with Madison anyway)! She must have her Daddy's tastes for food!

So lately Maddie has taken nicely to outings "in town" (Fairbanks). We get all ready in the morning (she watches Cinderalla...her favorite, while sitting on the potty chair and I "fix my face"), then we get all dressed up, pack snacks and drinks and bring her babies or puppy animals along and drive the 25 minutes to town for a day of errands. I often have to drop or pick documents up from clients, so Maddie is learning that we need to be "big girls" when we meet clients and she has yet to embarrass me! I introduce her as my intern and she quickly sparks up conversation with them! So far no client has been put off (they all know our situation here) and most just love to have her brighten their day, so it's just wonderful and Maddie gets to see that it's not "always" just about her...that we have to behave ourselves when meeting people and being in an office. She also knows that she will be rewarded with either a candy in my car or (better yet) an "ITALIAN SODA"! She is well acquainted with the road side coffee carts and knows to order a "Strawberry Italian Soda with whip cream". The girl can drink an entire 12oz drink in less than an hour! Probably not the best snack for a 2 year old but it's a treat not often had and she feels so special to have her very own drink from the coffee shop (I hope to remember that look on her face always)!
She will actually play "Barista" (rather than tea party or lemonade stand)...whether in the tub, in her crib or in her play house slide, she will say "Italian soda?!" And expect me (or Ron) to come up and order a drink. She will then pretend to prepare it (sound effects, hand motions and all) and hand us our imaginary soda to test. She (of course) asks, "Is it good?" Then says "2 dollar!". I give her the pretend money and she pretends to eat it ...awaiting my worried "NOOO! Don't eat the money! You crazy girl!" And she laughs like that is the funniest thing ever... I know, it's only funny to me (but I'm her Mother, everything she does is wonderful)!

Okay New Happenings!

Sayings:
-Daddy, That's enough of that! - Says when Ron is teasing her or giving her a hard time
-I been sleepin' all day! - She says after waking from a long nap
-Wide awake! - Says when I walk into her room when she should be sleeping.
-Shush, stop that! - Says this one when Ron and I are arguing (not loudly) just using a voice that she knows is not the usual...Reminds us of just how she hears things...
-Be Patient! - Puts her finger out and says this when I tell her she'd better eat her food
-What's Going on here?! - Says this one with attitude when there's a mess or she walks into a room and didn't realize we were in there (something to that effect).
-I don't like it - Says this when we mention going to Church, having certain friends over...
-Oh, it's lovely - When we go out shopping, or I'm trying on new clothes/jewelry, she'll touch it and say, "Oh it's lovely"
-Good Buddy! - She says this about Mayquele, Celsea, Baby Michael and my friend Amanda (she says "Manda")

Singing:
-Sings the Cinderella song "A Dream is a wish" all the way through (if I guide her throughout)
-Recites the entire "Oh that Clock...ol' kill-joy, I hear you, come on wake up you say...time to start another day! Even he orders me around. There's one thing, they can't order me to stop dreaming and perhaps someday....The dream that I wish...will come true...la dum, du du dum..." from the opening scene in Cinderella!
-Sings Lalaloo (from Lady and the Tramp) and when the pitch rises she makes this hilarious straining sound "La low!!!!" (looks sheepish so I tell her how beautiful it is...she beams)
-Sings along to (almost entire) ABC song

Happenings:
-At dinner: Stops mid-bite, closes her eyes and says "Thank you Jesus, Amen!" then continues to eat... (my favorite)!
-Imaginary "Baby": This one is interesting. She cups her hands together (like she's cradling something tiny), bounces up and down and says "Oh baby...Oh sweetie, You okay sweetie?" She'll hand "the baby" to me and I'll pretend to rock it, burp it (making huge burping sounds and looking mortified at this "babies" bodily functions...she dies of laughter). We have even taken the baby with us in Maddie's stroller on walks down the bike trail. The only problem with this one is that Maddie will stop every 10 feet, jump in front of the stroller (looking worried) say, "Baby what's wrong? You okay?" And continue to question the baby till I suggest she pick her up or feed her to settle her down (that usually works and she'll put the baby back in the stroller and we move on). It's hillarious because if you pretend to hurt the baby (thanks Daddy for that one) she'll cry and get quite upset about it! I think that she really thinks it's a baby...Yes, she is my child!

-At night either when we're cuddling on the couch, in bed or I'm settling her in her crib, she'll take my hair and twist it on the side while signing "A Dream is a wish...", remaining quite intent on "fixing" my hair, while she sings (seemingly to pass time) like she's a serenading hair dresser!
-Recognizes some letters (we haven't even worked on this, aside from reading her ABC book and doing flash cards just a handful of times). While sitting at Ron's computer she started announcing "W, O,V, Y,T,S..." and pointing to the proper letters! I know, she's genius.
- The other day I left her on the potty chair (she usually takes an hour or more in the morning...watches a Bible Story DVD or Cinderella while she waits to go), so I ran downstairs to check and return an email...Not soon after I heard a thump, thump, thump (like a child running across the floor), so I hurried up to see what she was doing (imagining a horrendous site of poopy everywhere...I've heard horror stories), but instead found her in the bathroom, dumping her poopy right into the toilet without mess, (she had set the little ring insert off to the side, so it wouldn't fall in) and hadn't even spilled a drop! I was so proud (not that I want her to try that again...not one to push my luck), but shouldn't have been surprised. She doesn't like a mess, is grossed out by "poopy" and knows there would be heck to pay, had she decided to try something "new"!

We've had so much fun this year. The older Maddie gets the more fun we have. I didn't think it was possible, but so far it has only gotten better! She's my total shopping buddy (can absolutely appreciate beautiful things) but she also understands when I say "That's not ours, we need to put it back" and she does put it back. I guess I had little faith with what I've heard from other Moms and maybe it's just her little personality that I've been blessed to enjoy. Whatever it is, Ron and I both agree that life is grand with our little Princess.

May 19, 2007

I know...Late again! I always think "Oh I have to write that down" then months pass me by and I still haven't made the time to update Maddie's journal (a story every mom surely knows all too well)!

2nd Birthday:
So here we are, Spring in North Pole. Madison celebrated her second Birthday in Anchorage at Grandma and Grandpa Dowd's house. Strawberry shortcake-princess themed, she had crowns for the girls to wear and yellow hard-hats for the boys (come on now, no boy will be wearing a jeweled crown in the Dowd home)! She had fun, though overwhelmed with the children and commotion. I'm still surprised when I see how quiet she becomes when faced with new kids or loud noises. At Celsea's Birthday (just the weekend before her own) she cried when we yelled out our traditional (annoyingly loud) "Happy Birthday" song! So for Maddie's we toned it down and no tears were shed (silly, silly child)!

Play time:
The "winning gift" was from my Mom and Dad. Mom found the most adorable porcelain, tea set that matches her tea table and rug perfectly (stripes and flowers)! Madison pulled it out and played with it right at the party and hasn't stopped since. Each day we have a "tea party" at some point. Madison will say, "Sit down?" while patting the chair next to her and will serve me tea while I ask for sugar and/or creamer and she will add each one saying "There you go". We'll chat about lady-stuff and she'll always say "Mm, delicious" upon slurping her "tea". Aside from tea-parties, Madison loves to dance! She will ask me to turn on her music requesting "loud?" (for me to turn it up) and we'll dance in circles around her room with her dolls or stuffed animals for hours at a time (quite a workout, let me tell you)! She's still very into her jewelry ("Sparkly"), hats, coats, purses and sunglasses. However she now clomps around in my shoes as well (that's my girl)! She loves to go shopping as long as she can walk herself and really does quite well keeping with me, holding my hand and not clearing any shelves. She's not into waiting for me to try anything on however. (This must be a stage for advanced shoppers, I think.) Instead, she likes to open the door while I'm changing (that's always fun for everyone)! So for now it's simple stuff (groceries, mall stuff, fabric store, etc...just no trying on)!
So then, with the sun shining bright it's all about being "Outside"! Last week (it was so beautiful outside), I dug out our largest Tupperware container (about 12"x24"), filled it with warm water, gathered some cups, spoons, bowls and little dolls and introduced Madison to water-play on the deck! She had a blast "cooking" with her real utensils and dollies. But not so surprising, within half an hour I found her squatting (squished) down inside the "pool", donning her pink cow-girl hat, with a huge ladle in her hand! Should have had the camera and "caught the moment"...but no such luck! We changed her into her swimsuit and she spent the afternoon in and out of her Tupperware "pool"! Needless to say, two days later she had the "real deal"...a little wading pool on the deck which she has had a blast with, nearly every day since. Aside from Pool times, we've found Maddie has a pretty mean soccer kick, so she and I (and Dad, when he gets off work) will occasionally kick the beach ball around the yard, running and screaming and cheering Madison on (she LOVES this)! Ah, I love summer-time memory making!

Oh, I just remembered...The other night I came down to check on Madison (still check on her twice a night, tuck her in and make sure she's breathing...I know, I'm crazy)...Anyway, I heard her in their playing and when I went in the room, I found her in the crib with 8 of her little stuffed animals all lined up, (perfectly in a row) on the side of the crib and she was singing "Happy Birthday, to you!..." I've never seen her line up her stuffed animals like that so I asked what she was doing and she said "Bunny... Birthday!!!" and started singing it again. She was holding the bunny rabbit that Cheryl had given her for her Birthday, so either it was the bunny's Birthday party (in her crib) or she was just reminiscing of her own Birthday party in Anchorage (and recreating it with the animals)...Either way, too cute! Had to mention it!

Baby Michael:
While in Anchorage, she spent quite a bit of time with "Baby Michael" (her cousin just a few months younger than she). My mom cares for him most days and late into some nights, so Madison had a buddy to play with...However, he did take some getting use to! Keep in mind that Michael has only a rough boy brother to keep him busy, so when he was faced with Maddie, he immediately slugged her one (smiling and ready for a wrestling match)! She was completely taken back (broke my heart really to see her disappointment in his behavior). She cried, wouldn't look at Michael and after a few more of these incidents, wouldn't even let me put her down when he was in the room! It actually become quite irritating as he would bully her constantly and she would not stick up for herself. Fortunately David stepped in and began teaching Michael to be "Gentle" with girls, not to hit and not to take her toys. I also was teaching Madison to hit Michael back (tee, hee, hee) and to take her toy back from him! Not sure if this was a brilliant plan or not...hmm. She ended up learning how to say "No Michael!" Any time he even came near her, so we worked on playing nice together and giving him a chance...Ugh. In the end, it worked out fine. She was introduced to the harsh realities of life outside our little home and Michael learned that girls are cry-babies! All is well in the world...

Potty Chair:
Every day Madison surprises me with something new. The first time she began to show interest in the potty chair and complained of her diapers, I ran out and bought a fancy potty chair for her to get used to. Surprise, surprise...the first time she sat on it...she went! Not just potty but the "real deal"! She's not consistent (at all) as she still doesn't tell me when she has to go, but if I know she is going to go, we'll run into the bathroom, pull out the chair and she will go and be very proud of herself when done (saying "Good job Madison!" to herself)! I am looking forward to no more diapering though I can also foresee new issues with no diapers and needing to go when we're out and about...hmm.

Prayers:
After our trip to Anchorage, I found our nightly prayer-time rather extended in length. She now prays for everyone! I will begin the prayer and when I get to praying for our family, she will pipe up and say, "Baby Michael, David...Celsea, Mayquele, Taba, Grandpa, Crunch (ya Dad, you should be proud), Grammy, Cheryl, Brian, Bindi (yes Cheryl, she prays for your dogs too)!..." The list goes on and varies each night, but she will always pray for Baby Michael and David (which is funny, because she only saw David a few times for short periods while in town...)

New Happenings:
"Crazy!" or "Crazy Driver!" Now when we're driving and we take corners, she'll laugh and say "Crazy driver!"
"Loud!" She is scared of a lot of sounds. Living near the air force base we constantly have (loud) planes overhead and Madison will cover her ears and say (worriedly) "Loud!". I have tried everything I can think of to calm her fear, but she will still run upstairs (when alone in her room), crying and saying "Loud, loud!" She is also scared of fireworks (our sitter watched Maddie for Ron's Birthday, so that we could dine out. When we returned, Madison was clinging to the sitter, crying because someone had been shooting off fireworks. Now when she hears a new noise she'll say "Fireworks?!" and look all worried).
I have to say Madison is the most polite child I have ever seen. She cracks me up with her, "Excuse me...sorry" as she passes by anyone (or any thing even)!
Kissing...I love this one! Madison will (for no apparent reason), will come up, wrap her arms around my legs and kiss them. She'll do this over and over till I lean down and kiss and hug her myself. Ah, makes anything unpleasant just fade away, I tell ya!
"Not nice!" If Madison sees people fighting or angry with each other on TV (or elsewhere) she'll look worried and say "Not nice..." It really bothers her to see people upset with each other (even if they're playing... I have to explain that they're just playing. Even so, she'll look worried and say "Not nice").
Singing! She now sings "Happy Birthday" all the way through (over and over and over and over again)! She also sings (her own rendition of) "Jesus Loves Me" and "Temptation" from the Veggie tales "Larry Boy and The Bad Apple". She'll scream out "Tation!!!!" (meaning temptation...of course)!

Of course I'm forgetting all that I wanted to write...Will be more diligent later...Too much to say in one entry (more to come)!

March 3 , 2007

I hate when I wait too long to update Maddie's news...Too many things to list, some come and gone...I'm afraid I'll never recapture the moment and it only seems to be happening faster and faster. Sigh...

A wise mother told me this when I was pregnant with Maddie, "Your children should bless you, not burden you..." referring to so many mothers that complain of their 'horrible' children. I've not forgotten that and must say I agree now more than ever. This mothers children were so well-behaved, adjusted and happy I complimented her on what great children she had. Her response was a beaming "Thank you, that is the greatest compliment I can be given!" Today, I too have had that same (bursting with pride) acknowledgement of my own wonderful blessing. It's not an easy job, raising a child with limitations, bounderies...having to say "No". But like this mother told me, do it now before you look back wishing you had. Of course I don't want to end up a hypocrite, thinking my child can do no wrong (we all have our moments) but thus far Maddie has made both Ron and myself very proud of her behavior. Her sunday school teacher stopped us at the grocery store a few weeks back, exclaiming that Madison was the most polite child she had! She says "Excuse me, sorry" as she passes by people and thanks everyone (for everything)! These are things I purposely do around the house, knowing that she is watching (and repeating what she takes in). It was so great to hear that our extra time and awareness has paid off!

Today Madison is a month and a half shy of two years old (already). She repeats all that way say (including my own "Holy crap"! The other day...I admit it, I was the first to have her mimic a bad word)! She speaks in short sentences now and is extremely good at pronunciation her words (so nice)!
Here is a list of her most common sayings:

Oh My Goodness! - She says this with the cutest emphasis on "Goodness" like she is so exasperated with whatever the situtation. Quite often it deals with her dollies (if she drops one she'll explain "Oh my goodness!")
Oh Man! - I love this one! She puts the emphasis on "Man" with a sassy little sound.
Smell? or Smells good! -She smells everything (likes to kneel down in our bedroom and sniff the air freshener announcing "Smells Good" then gets up and returns to playing).
Spinnin -She likes for me to spin her around in Daddy's office chair and will count "1, 2, 3!" before I spin her.
Like it?! -She'll say this when she doesn't like it (usually refers to her jeans). I'll have to point out all of the good things (flowers, pretty buttons, pockets, etc) in order for her to happily agree to put them on.
Puter- This is her computer. She has a leapster game unit and a larger child's laptop that she will spend hours at just pushing buttons and making it "do things".
Color- She's very into coloring now and likes to name all the colors of all the crayons (the wrong color each time)!
Pigtails - This means "Veggie Tales". Her new favorite movies are Veggie tales and she will watch them over and over (and over again) till I finally make her go play. I think she calls them "Pigtails" because she wears pig tails in her hair and assumes that's what I'm saying when I say "Veggie Tales".
Lay down or Sit Down?- She will pat the floor and invite you to "Sit down" with her and play. This one is so cute I can hardly resist and often find myself amidst her tea parties, reading or enjoying one of her plastic food dinners (mm, yummy)!
Lay down referred to laying under the Christmas tree. We would lay under the tree (looking up at all the twinkling lights) and have "special" time looking into the ball ornaments and pointing out all the colors. She loved to lay under that tree (she even called it "special" herself)!
What you doing? - This one is pretty new and she says it to her Dad when he's playing with one of her toys or (the other day) he was wiping the back of her chair during dinner and kind of bumped her head... She got this indignant look on her face and said "What you doing!?" (like sheesh, doesn't he see I'm eating here?) Too funny!
No Daddy, stop it! - This one is cute, though I'm careful to not let her talk sassy to her Dad. She'll get bossy, put her finger out and say "No Daddy, Stop it!" When he's teasing her or playing too rough (tee, hee... it is pretty funny though)!
Good Morning Sammie - She has a new pet (a Beta fish named Sammie) and each morning she announces "Good Morning Sammie" when she gets out of bed. She then gets to feed him herself (this can get pretty messy with tiny little fish food pellets every where...but she tries) and she'll kiss the fish tank and tell him she loves him.
Help? - Lately she is my happy helper. I've given her jobs to assist with,beginning with putting the pillows on our bed (each morning after she has breakfast). I make the bed then she throws the pillows on (grunting and groaning with each one...drama queen). When she's done she give me "5" and says "Ya! Big girl!" then kind of saunters off like she's real cool and I couldn't have done it without her (gotta love it).
She'll also "help" unload the dishwasher. She'll put the silverware in the drawer (throw it all in), life out the salad plates (grunting, groaning and saying "heavy!") and put everything else she can reach out on the counter.
Her latest thing is putting away the Tupperware in the fridge. After I put food in the storage she'll say "Help, help!?" and I'll give her the containers, open the door and she'll climb into the fridge and place it where she feels it should go.
She also helps with the laundry. I will give her socks and she will put them in her sock drawer (or her little kitchen set drawers, or in her closet...never really sure)!

Amen! - She will say this when I say "In Jesus name..." or when we're finished with a book (I think she thinks "The end" is "Amen")! We pray together before bed times and every night at dinner with Daddy She will reach out and hold both our hands throughout the whole prayer (chuckling from time to time because she thinks it's funny) and then smile and laugh when we say "Amen". I love this more than I can describe...

Her jewelry drawer is now a full-on jewelry box. She has inherited my old jewelry box and has quickly filled it with a ton of plastic, sparkly jewelry and sunglasses (in large part thanks to Grandma Dowd). She came upstairs for breakfast this morning in her Jammies with rainbow sunglasses, three large necklaces, 4 bracelets and a purse...That's my girl!

She's very into her dollies lately. She will cradle them in her arm and immediately begin bouncing and rocking them back and forth saying "Oh, baby, oh baby" in a kind of whining voice like "you poor thing"! I love it!
She will also lay her babies down on the step in our bathroom and announce "Poopy Diaper" so I'll give her a diaper and she'll wrap the baby in it and carry it around before feeding it a bottle and taking it for a walk in her little stroller around the laundry room.
She is a complete little mommy. I've never seen anything like it really but am ecstatic to see it as I am certain she will make one amazing big sister one day!

Christmas was amazing this year. I spent the month baking away (trying to give Maddie the same memories that I have as a child...Mom baking away, house always smelled good...) We decked the house out and our tree stayed up till February 1st (love the tree). We totally over did the presents (especially for Maddie) but it was nice, relaxing and wonderful. I'm excited to keep on creating memories at home as Maddie grows (and our family too...God willing).

I thank God each day for His hand on this home. We have been blessed with an absolutely happy, easy going, very smart child. I can't help but wonder if all the prayers from myself, family and friends during pregnancy were not only answered as far as her health but blessed in abundance with her happy nature... Either way, we feel blessed to have her as our own.

December 17, 2006

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around our home this year! Yay! This will be our first Christmas at home (though we will miss spending the time with our families in Anchorage). Madison loves the tree (which has been up since two weeks before Thanksgiving), pulling off the ornaments (shatter proof, I should add) and oohing and ahing over the lights. We have Christmas music on most of the day and have made dancing about one of our most favorite of all activities!

Note to self: The Christmas song (can't recall the name) ." the line that says "In the fireplace where we watch the chestnuts pop...Pop, pop, pop..." I would be twirling around the room (holding Madison) and when it came to the "Pop, pop, pop" line, I would bounce her down (almost to the floor) and back up again... Now whenever I'm holding her and dancing around she says "Pop, pop, pop" (begging me to do the "game" again).... Must, must remember these things!

We spent Thanksgiving in Anchorage at my Mom and Dad's home. Madison spent the first week, sicker than ever before. We had hoped she would be better before we left to town (having already spent a week sick at home) but with no such luck. She lost nearly 7lbs (and after one trip and one call to the E.R. where nothing was done...no miracle cure like I had hoped for) was finally able to keep food down and has now gained back most of her weight. Whew... Will I ever not freak out and imagine the worst when she's ill??? Hmm.
Well after she had overcome the flu all was wonderful throughout our stay. She loves, loves, loves her "Big guy" (cousin Michael). Treats him like a young baby (she sees herself as so much more mature, it's too funny), giving him knowing (dare I say condescending) looks, smiles and brings him his bottle. She had such a good time with him, she would actually miss entire naps, spending the whole time in the play yard screaming "Michael? Where are you???" This was hilarious (even though she did miss her naps).
Upon our return, she still calls for him several times a day (along with "Goosey"... otherwise known as Celsea)! Gotta love it.

You know it's so hard to keep up on all the small things I hope to recall one day. I will try to do this entry justice and note all her new happenings...here goes:

Speaking: That's easy... The girl repeats the last two words of whatever you say (and with nearly perfect clarity)! She's quite amazing when it comes to social skills (and I swear I say that not only because I'm her mother and I'd think she was amazing if she just laid there...) Whenever we go out in public, she searches out the nearest young person and strikes up conversation. She has yet to have any kind of argument with another kid (knock on wood), even if the other child takes her toy, she just lets them and smiles while they play with it (yes, it's true she's an angel...unless we're on an airplane...whole other horrible story)! Anyway, when it comes to speaking, making facial expressions, and relating with others she can fit in in most any crowd!
Oh yes and at night when I pray with her, just after I say "In Jesus name..." she says "AMEN!" all proud of herself!
Ohh! AND she says "I luh you!" This is the bestest of the best. Ron and I simply cannot get enough of hearing her say I love you back to us (does it really get any better?)!
Just remembered: "Ahh No!!!" She'll say this (pronounced like ahhhh noe!) when she's done something wrong or something (like her baby doll) has fallen or is out of place. She says it all disgusted and tired like she is so bothered and wiped out...how could this happen! (Love the tones she takes.)

Signing: It hasn't changed much since my last entry, simply because we haven't purchased any of the next set of Signing times DVD's. However, she always signs "Please", "Thank you", "Bath time", "Bicycle" and "Car", just in general conversation (like a habit) along with saying the words. Which is pretty cool to see.

Funny thing... She began picking at her linty toes and sock fuzz last week and has become somewhat obsessed with the matter (spending quite some time completely engrossed in removing all lint and all sock fuzz from sight)! Hmmm, hoping she doesn't have my OCD! NOOO!

Dress ups, dress ups...A girl after my own heart! Dressing up is her favorite thing now (not in costumes, just jewelry, hats, purses, coats... any and all accessories)! She has a drawer designated to all types of jewelry (even some of my old gawdy rhinestone stuff), along with her own sparkly purse (from Aunt Cheryl), brushes, sunglasses and an entire suitcase full of hats! She'll get all decked out (check herself in the mirror, making flirty little faces...at herself) then place her baby in the shopping cart, grab her purse (with her fake cell phone) and tell me "Bye Baby... I luh you!" As she heads out the office door, struggling to shut it behind her. She'll do the exit out the door 500 or so times before she tires... Knocking just after she leaves while I say "Who is it???" and she comes in with a big ol' grin, laughing like "Here I am, silly!" Yes, we love our little games!

It seems there are so many new things... ("swimming" around the bath tub... actually gets upset when bath time is over now... loves the water like her Daddy)... She's my "Big helper" now (unloads the dishes and even puts things away in the proper drawers now). She also helps with the laundry (her job is to put her socks in her sock drawer and she does it quite well)! Anything that I start with "Madison, can you help me???" Or "Do you wanna be a helper???" She is so on it! This morning she helped me make the coffee (put the filter in the basket and even poured the grinds in!) She felt really big that time! (I just love to see that proud little smile.)

Oh yes and the bottle is GONE! After her two weeks of illness (and no milk allowed) I figured she'd gone this long without a bottle, why bring it back into the picture and go through troubling times taking it away later??? So though she had a few tough mornings (didn't want to drink her milk from a cup...really wanted to cuddle with her bottle), we made it through and today it's cups all the way.. Yay!

Talking on the "Cell phone": This is one of her favorite things (whether it's my phone, her fake phone, the AC remote...which looks like a phone... or any similarly shaped object) she will jabber on and on (in a really, really loud voice), while pacing around the room and making all kinds of funny faces! When we took Celsea to the airport, Madison was actually so loud on the phone (just jabbering away) I don't think anyone missed a word of her conversation!

Of course there is so very much more... I just can't recall! Christmas is less than a week away now (amazing how fast time is going now that Madison is here)! We've bought all our presents (which look lovely beneath our beautiful tree) and hope that memories will be made and that this is just the first of many more wonderful Christmas' for the Owsley family!!!!
Merry Christmas!!!

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October 12, 2006

Funny that the last entry announced Madison's first steps and now this one is being hastily written (2 months later)! Ah, but life is good!
It's official, she's a toddler. She walks every where now (thank God), climbs on most anything (though she's still quite the thinker and can usually see a scary scene in the making).
Her newborn nursery has been rearranged to create the perfect play room, filled with a new kitchen set, tea table (thanks to her Aunt Tabitha), tons of plastic food, plates, and such as well as a hidden reading "fort" in her far closet complete with fairy pictures on the wall, a teddy bear rocking chair, a little light and all of her books! Yes, I admit it, I am living vicariously through my daughter (and loving every minute of it)!
She spends quite a bit of time playing in her own little world...Cooking all kinds of foods, feeding everyone bites, reading in her closet and playing dress ups in front of her little mirror (hmm, she spends quite a bit of time gawking at her cute little self in that mirror...)
She has discover "Outside" and just loves an opportunity to toddle around the yard. Both Ron and I are excited for the next Summer, hoping she'll really take to the pool (she's absolutely fearless in the tub...dunking her head, blowing bubbles and walking around). Though she's already such a blast, it's hard to believe it could get better! Of course we do have our moments (surprise, surprise)! She tests her limitations, some days more than others, leaving me absolutely sick of hearing my own voice saying "No, don't do that..." Ugh. But these days are not as common as others, so I just pray for patience and the knowledge in disciplining her "correctly". At this point she receives a spanking on her leg if she continually disobeys, (not before several warnings with as stern a voice as I can muster...nothing like Dad's version, he gets instant results with a single look)! I absolutely hate to spank, but do believe it's the only way to have any kind of control (especially later on)...So we deal and most days are fine.
Madison just wants to have fun. She's not a very moody child (unless teething) and even so she's easily side tracked with music, singing, dancing, acting silly and playing crazy with her little bunny rabbit (favorite toy, doesn't sleep without it). Now that the temperatures are dipping, the leaves have fallen and we rarely can leave the house without a coat, I feel it's completely rational to have Christmas music playing most of the day (and Madison seems to agree)! I've placed a stereo in her room with kids music and Christmas CD's and we spin and dance around (great workout for me) and sing all loud...She loves this (especially if Dad joins in...laughing at Ron and myself if we dance together)! I smile at the thought...loving our life in North Pole!

Speaking of Christmas, we will be spending out first together right here at home this year! Yay! Funds are tight (when are they not, really) so I'm hoping to save up and buy a beautiful tree all decked out with "sparkles" (Maddie's favorite new word), with our crystals from the Wedding hung on the balcony with garland and lights...I can't wait!
I know that Madison will absolutely love all the decor (we even have one of those little, lit up towns with the porcelain buildings, fake snow and an ice skating rink (really a mirror...but it works quite well)! I'm hoping she will love all the sparkles, happy music and quiet family time, making for our own traditions and memories here at home.

Okay new happenings!!! There are so many, where do I begin???

Speaking:
She repeats 90% of what we say now...Though most sound like the same word, she will mimic the fluctuations in your voice with her own version of the word.
She points and identifies just about everything...flower, rock, water, bee (which is any flying insect), boy, baby, big guy, (she got that from what I call her cousin Michael), Bikel (which is what she calls her cousin Michael), milk, cup, pop, puppy, bunny, horse, cat (she meows instead of saying cat), car, book, bible (these are synonymous to her), toy, shoe, coat, door, drawer, bath, shower (pronounced "wower"), pacifier (pronounced "Sippy"...don't ask cause we don't know), ball, blanket, socks, foot, ear, eyes, mouth, nose (points to all of these now), buckle, zipper, cookie, cracker, soup, egg, cereal, banana, apple, cheese (still her favorite), plant, soft, uh-oh (heard quite often), no (heard every other word it seems), bow, brush, teeth (loves to brush her teeth), light (pronounced "night")...she will point to every light fixture, whether on or off and proclaim "night, night!", pretty, sparkle (pronounced "Barkle" unless we practice saying it with a strong 'S'), chap stick (she loves to carry them around the house, sometimes puts them back to where she got them, other times we find them in her toy box, behind couches, other drawers, laundry bin...ugh), hot (everything hot or cold is hot as she has learned that the wood stove is very "HOT" and keeps a good distance...Thank God), cold (only says this when we're getting out of the tub and she'll shake herself and say "cold"), frog, thank you (we encourage her to say this often and she usually does, even without prompting), sorry (this one is cute and she'll only say it if I tell you she needs to say it...she'll follow it with the sign for sorry as well), please (this one is rare and sometimes she'll sign it too), all done (always with the hand sign), more (again with the sign), play, chair, grandpa, grandma (sound the same... "Bompa"), she'll say some names...Ella, Grace (pronounced "Gace"), bottle, yuck, dirty (usually both refer to the toilet or garbage can...yes I taught her well), soap, bubble, drink, hat (loves her hats), airplane, store, pillow (she now "helps" me make the bed by struggling and lifting the decorative pillows from the floor onto the bed! She'll even attempt to lift the Euro shams and King sham pillows as well... This is so darn cute, I just love it! She gets so proud with her accomplishments, shrugs her little shoulders and kind of saunters off like, "My work here is done.")
I know there's many more, but these are all that's coming to me this moment! Good Lord this list has increased since the last entry!

Simple life is much easier now that she's walking. We ran a record amount of errands the other day which usually ends in a tired child, annoyed at her stroller and done with being put in and out of her car seat. Well this time, I let her hold my finger and walk around the mall (Hallmark and Gottschaulks), we took our time (a long, long time) and she felt like such a "Big girl" walking all on her own and stopping to check things out (she's very good at not grabbing things and just looking). With each new stop, she would announce "Store? Store??" and get all excited with the thought of more walking. Our day of errands turned into a wonderful day (we had such a good time), we even extended the Afternoon with her first trip to McDonald's play-land! I think she was in play heaven! There was another little girl (just one month older) playing in the tubes and slides as well, so Maddie and she became quick buddies (love that about kids) and she was absolutely fearless, crawling through the tunnels, going up and down the slide...It was great and we'll surely be back!
We've joined M.O.P.S. again this season (I wasn't sure because last year I had come to pick her up from the nursery and she had a long, coiled piece of plastic logged in her throat...choaking and no one had noticed! The next time one of the care takers older kids was in the baby room and she had hit Maddie on the head which the care taker denied...So I was leery to try it again, as the whole purpose is for Madison to have fun with other kids). Well this time it's perfect! She's in a new room (huge with big windows, a jungle gym, slide, bouncy balls, coloring area, everything), she had a great time with the bigger kids (slightly older than herself) and so I am thrilled to have something for her to do every other week outside of the home!
I am teaching 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school at our church now, so Madison has no choice but to go the nursery (every Sunday). She's been doing pretty good. She'll cry (clinging onto my leg which kills me slightly), but when I walk away and listen briefly outside the door, the tears stop almost instantaneously and all of the caretakers say she's never a problem and always has fun (which when I go to pick her up can see that she's playing with the other kids and doing just fine). I think it's important for her to get out and learn (hopefully good things) from other kids. So between Sunday school, MOPS and having friends come over and play, I think she's doing pretty well!

Okay, must wrap it up (she's waking from her AM nap). Life with a one and a half year old is pretty amazing. We talk of having another (she would be the best big sister ever, loves babies and really loves to help), but we're thinking of opening this conversation this Spring or Summer and seeing what God would have us do (must pray, must pray, must pray). Till next time...

July 24, 2006

Leaps and bounds! Today Madison climbed down both sets of stairs without any assistance (with no problems) for the first time! Prior to today she was confused about beginning the decent (unsure of turning backwards and finding her footing) but we practiced and practiced together and today she did it on her own (I didn't even know till she was half way down) yay! THEN, not two hours ago, she took her first steps! Holding onto a tube of chap stick in one hand, she took two steps without holding on to a support (Dad even caught the moment in between painting our shower)! Both Ron and I couldn't be happier! Ron's Mom, Step Dad Billy, Sister and niece will be visiting us this coming weekend, so Maddie and I will be practicing her newly acquired skills and will hopefully be able to give them a show, when they arrive!

It seems over night Madison has become a cuddler (so great for us)! After watching (very closely) Ron kiss me and me kiss him back, we'll lean in and kiss each of us! She's still huge on the "head loves", leaning in with her head down low to rub foreheads and at times caress our hair or faces. She'll also pat you on the shoulder (repeatedly) if you pick her up and pat her on the back.

Lately it seems she's been growing so fast.
Let's see, new happenings:

So smart: Unlike a lot of toddlers whose parents have to run to them to retrieve a foreign object (from their sticky little fingers) before they pop it in their mouth... Madison, upon finding anything on the floor and after initial inspection, will hold it in her little fingers, then reach out to hand it to me and say "Thank you" when I take it! Hmmm, clean-freak like her Dad??? I don't know! Now that I think of it, did I mention one of her favorite "toys' is the Feather duster? Yeah, she'll crawl to the bathroom, open the cupboard door (bi pass the deadly cleaning products... I know, we need a baby lock), retrieve the feather duster and carry it all over the house with her! This may or may not be a good thing! Tee, hee, hee

Singing: When eating, I usually sing songs to her so now she puts her little index finger up and waves it around while I sing "This little light of mine". She will also say "Bible!" (as clear as anything), when I sing the "B.I.B.L.E." and at the end I say, "What's that spell? Bible!" And she too will say "Bible!" (gotta love that one)!

Signing: She now signs the following words also:
-Please (will sometimes sign "More, please")
-Thank you
-Hat (she LOVES to wear her hats)
-Sleepy
-Fish
-Daddy
-Mommy (this one is still hard, she'll put her hand to her nose, instead of her chin)
-Car
-Airplane
-Baby

Speaking: She says the following words:
-Thank you (she'll say this any time you hand her something or she hands you something)
-Michael: Her baby cousin (pronounced "Bypoe", she squeals it every time she sees a photo of him... over and over and over again!)
-Dad, Dada, Daddy, Dadeee
-Mom, Momma, Mommeee
-Grandma (said it once anyway, when visiting Mom and Dad last month)
-Baby (pronounced "Daydee")
-Puppy
-Bunny
-Bee (we have a huge wasp problem right now, so this one was learned real quick)
-Yuck (pronounced with just the "ck" portion and said any time there's a bug... "Good girl!")
-Cheese (pronounced "Chsss") her favorite food
-Pretty (pronounced "Pree")
-Bible

I know there is more to tell (always is), but my mind has signed off and I must join my family for bed time.
This summer has been an amazing one... Maddie loves the outdoors (time on the patio in the sun is priceless). She loves to go for walks (in the stroller, or pushing it herself), playing with the flowers and watching the bugs scurry along the path. She's always smiling, laughing and teasing us for a laugh (hide and seek is her favorite game, with one eye covered or both hands on her ears)! I often tell Ron, "She's my little buddy" and she really is. We have fun (most) of the time, just playing, laughing and learning new things (both of us that is)! (God I thank you for Madison, for her smile, for her own little ways.)

Ron just came in the office after laying Madison down for the night and said, "There is no greater feeling than having your daughter just lay her little head on your chest and fall asleep..." How true!

June 26, 2006

Summer is in full swing and we've "dove" into it by purchasing a swimming pool! Ron talked me into the idea of one of those huge (18' round, 48" deep) above ground pools and it has been the best addition to this family... Since Madison!
Ron took Maddie in as soon as it was above freezing (she gasped, looked a bit horrified, than splashed around and loved every minute of it... She is her daddy's girl)! Since, it has warmed considerably and we spend every sunny evening out in it. Yesterday we floated atop in our lounge chairs long enough to get a sunburn and we pushed Madison around in her floating "boat" ring till she was absolutely too pooped to take any more. It's been a wonderful Summer, thus far!
Well I was "jumped in" to Motherhood, the day before Mother's Day. We had offered to sit for my good friend Mary so that she and her Husband could enjoy a dinner out for her Birthday. The evening was lovely, her children are simply wonderful and after they returned from dinner they stayed to chat with us and all that jazz. The next day I call Mary to find she (and her whole gang) are absolutely ill. They had been throwing up all night and completely sick that following day. Madison hadn't shown any signs, so I thought we were good. Hmmm. She woke from her nap, I fed her lunch and in the middle of her feeding she got this strange look on her face and.... Blah! All over the place! My God, this episode must have lasted ten straight minutes! I was at a loss. When she finished, she was shaking, crying and covered in her lunch. Luckily she was in her highchair, so I wheeled it down the hall, through our bedroom and into the Master Bath, where I hosed her and the chair down, followed up by a bath. Well the cleanliness was short lived. She proceeded to get sick ten more times in less than 2 hours. She wouldn't take in any liquids, so I called the Doctor's office who suggested I bring her in. Okay, keep in mind, I'm a "First-time" Mommy, my daughter is violently ill, lethargic and running a temp of 103. I called Ron and asked him to come home from work so that he could drive while I made sure she didn't throw up on herself in the back of the car (at least alone anyway). Before he came home I called Tab to get her opinion on taking Maddie in. She suggested Ron pick up some Pedialite and we try that first (otherwise they were going to give her an IV to get fluids back in her)! So we did and she loved the pedialite (thank God)! Long story (a little shorter) by evening Ron was sick as well. He spent the night totally out of commission, while I cared for our sick daughter. By the next day however, everyone (seemed) better! It was Mother's Day and although we skipped church (didn't want to contaminate every one else) we had a wonderful day! We put Maddie in the stroller and spent the Afternoon on the bike trail enjoying the sun and playing around. It was a reprieve, in honor of Mother's Day (I'm sure of it)! By the next day, it was my turn. By evening I couldn't move, I wanted to die and it seemed to last forever. Luckily Ron was feeling better and took over Madison duty, while I laid in bed. Unfortunately Madison was ready for round two. She threw up several more times (just for Dad), so Ron was jumped into this whole parenting-thing as well! Ugh. Anyway, we survived Madison's first flu and will be much more prepared for the next go around (right?!)
New Happenings:
Madison has two teeth right in front, on the bottom. The first poked through, just days before her Birthday and the second followed a few weeks later.
She's cruising around furniture like a pro. She stands without holding on (for a length of time now) and is walking with her new walking toy, all around the living room. She turns the TV on and off (thinks that's so funny), she knows which remote is associated with which separate object (overhead fan, Television, lights, etc). She definitely understands "Push the button" and knowing that something will occur. I can even tell her "Push the button" and she'll turn the TV back on!
Disclaimer: We do not watch that much Television, really! The only thing Maddie watches is her "Baby Signing Times" DVD's (I swear)!

Just last week she began wearing her bows, barretts and hats again without pulling them out. All I have to say is "Oh you're so pretty" and she'll stroke her hair and say "Preee", while smiling so sweetly! I've even caught her looking in my bedroom mirror, smiling at herself, stroking her hair and saying "Preee"... Have we created a monster??? Tee, hee, hee, I don't care she's my girly girl and I love it, man! She picks out her own bows for the day (rummaging through the little box, tossing them every which way till she comes across one that is special to her). She even has preference over her clothes! When wearing an outfit that has some special detail (ruffles, flowers, or something), she'll touch the detail and say "Preee". It's great!

She does the following signs now:
More
Milk
All done
Book
Teddy Bear
Ball
Puppy

She understands and responds accordingly to the following Signs:
Bath time
Drink
Where?
Doll
Baby
Hat
Brush Teeth

Now at nap time when she loses her pacifier over the edge of the crib, I'll ask her "Where's your pacifier?" And she'll quickly crawl over to the side she threw it, point out and smile all proud, like "Yup, there it is, that's where I threw it!" She also chucks all of her sleep toys over the edge of the crib (nightly) then cries and wants me to get them back for her (only to do it again ten minutes later). Yeah, this game is not so fun and will soon have to be nixed!

Reading. Madison loves to "read". I'll ask her "Where's your book?" Or "Go get Maddie's book" and she'll drop whatever she's doing and race over to her book shelf, rifle through the selection, pick a favorite and flip through it over and over again for quite some time! I'll read the bible to her, so that I can get some study time in, but read in really excited, over fluctuated tones so that she is totally into it! She'll usually go get her own book, sit next to me on the floor and tear through it while I read... It's great!

"Brush Teeth". The Baby Signing Time DVD's have a segment on "Brush Teeth". Since her first tooth popped up, Ron bought Maddie a Big bird tooth brush with Watermelon flavored Tooth paste. After her first experience, she was hooked! She'll pull herself up to my bathroom vanity, open the drawer and pull out her toothbrush and toothpaste tube, while looking up at me, like "Okay, get it ready..." She loves to brush her teeth (yup, both of them), so we do it together each day.

"Big people" food. The baby food is on it's way out. Madison now eats regular food for lunch, snack and dinner, saving baby food fruits to mix with her regular oatmeal for breakfast only. She loves to eat with us and hasn't rejected anything! Though she does have a preference for cheese, breads, sweat peas, corn, noodles, bananas and salmon! Yup that's our girl! It drives her dad crazy when I let her feed herself (which is all the time). I'll put the peas, corn, bread or what have you on her high chair tray, so that she can pick it up and feed herself. This drives Ron mad! He can't stand for her to be messy and to see food on the tray is just so hard for him... But he's learning to cope (I should probably enroll him in a "Clean freak" support group)! Madison is actually quite tidy. She can't stand food on her hands, so this unfortunately means she will shake her hands till the food "disappears" (on the wall, the floor, where ever)!

Maddie is a total "Daddy's Girl". She will sit in her little chair, looking out the front window and wait for her Dad to come home, singing "Dad-dy, Dad-dy" (with an emphasis on the "Deee" part). When she does see his truck come around the corner, she absolutely squeals, points, jumps around, then crawls over to me, knowing I'm going to pick her up and bring her to the front door to greet Daddy. It's beautiful, how much she loves him. Also, if she disobeys and Daddy harshly says "No!" Her little lip will quiver and the tears are immediate! She looks absolutely distraught and will refuse to go to Ron, reaching for me to comfort her. The interesting thing here, is that when I say no, she will usually continue to test and push till she gets a spanking on her diaper (she'll even laugh when I say "No"). But when Daddy says "No" her world is crushed, her little feeler is hurt and Daddy has to rock her and reassure her that he loves her. Funny how there is a definite separation in "Mommy's" and "Daddy's" for young ones.

As usual, I know I'm forgetting some mile stone in Maddie's life... Hmmm.

May 4, 2006

Amazing. I've said it before and today I feel it now more than ever... "Where does the time go?!"
Madison rang in her first Birthday with not one, but two Birthday parties! On April 22nd we adorned our home with ribbons galore, balloons everywhere and streamers strung from every angle of both the living and dining rooms! I spent two weeks on ebay searching for just the right theme and found it in this cute little round faced baby announcing "Baby's first Birthday!" We had 16 people join us in the celebration (including 8 of their children). The house was bustling and bursting at the seams, but everyone seemed to have a good time, including Madison who just couldn't get enough of all the little ones running about! Yes it was such a good time and Faith stayed till 10:30 taking down all the decoration and cleaning up with Ron, while I fed Maddie (a real) dinner! I am absolutely blessed with great friends and an even greater Husband, let me tell you!
Madison received a ton of toys, clothing, books, puzzles, you name it! We've had to purchase 5 canvas totes to store her "things" in, in hopes of taking back our living area (with not much luck, I have to admit).
The following weekend (the 29th) Ron, Maddie and I packed up and flew to Anchorage, to celebrate her First Birthday with Family and friends "Down South"! My Mom took over the decorating this time (thank you, thank you Mom)! While Ron and I managed a night out, dining at Marx bros. cafe (same restaurant that catered our Wedding reception), lingering over a bottle of wine, enjoying appetizers, salads, entrees and desert with coffee, till we had sufficiently over stayed our welcome (so nice). Then Ron drove out to Beluga point and we chatted about the little things till late in the evening, when we raced home to hug on Madison! As much as I really (really, really) needed an "adult" evening, I miss Maddie so much, I just have to smother her in kisses and hugs upon arriving back home! It was a perfect trip to Anchorage. Madison had another great Birthday, this time with Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins as well as friends and other "Wee" ones. She doubled her wardrobe (which was greatly needed and much appreciated) and even came back home with an adirondack chair (thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Dowd)! It was very nice and hopefully all the photos and video will let her know just how special she was on her First Birthday (years from now)! (See her photos page for all the fun!)

New Happenings:
Okay, let's see... She's pulling herself up now on everything she can. She's crawling up the stairs (which scares me to no end) and she's been attempting to stand without holding on to anything (yay)! Both Ron and I cannot wait till she begins walking! It's been a cozy 55-60 degrees out (Summer is just around the corner), so we're both hoping she begins walking on her own in time to play out back!
Maddie quit nursing two weeks before her First Birthday and I was fine with letting that one go! It was beyond a struggle, from day one and we had made it close enough to our goal of a year, so good buy nursing bras, I'm taking my body back! :) Madison loves the bottle (we actually bond much better, enjoying quiet cuddle time over a bottle, than we ever did nursing). She's drinking whole milk now and pretty soon we'll be trying to switch to a cup for milk (she's been using a cup for water and juice for months, but rejects the milk from the cup, like "That doesn't belong in there, where's my bottle?")
Her last appointment (at just one year) had her at 19.7 pounds in the 90th percentile for height and head circumference and only 25th percentile for weight. Guess we'll finally have a tall, thin woman in the Dowd gene pool! Tee, hee, hee. I've been feeding her more table foods (she LOVES cheese, eats it every day for snack time... Definitely Ron's and my child)! She really enjoys dinner with the family, with her high chair in-between Ron and myself we take turns feeding her small bites of our dinner (so she feels all grown up and part of the action).
Her favorite toys now are balls. She must have every size and color available from small plastic ones to a huge beach ball, she just loves chasing them around the room... Hmm, certainly not from my side, must get the softball gene from Dad! However, she also LOVES my costume jewelry. When I get ready in the mornings, I'll bring out all my "sparkly" stuff and Maddie will literally "oooh, ahhh, wow" over each individual piece as it is presented to her (I love the whole thing, of course). She'll play with each one, carefully examining it's shiny parts for an hour while I "fix my face" and occasionally "Ooh and ahhh" over her treasures with her (it's great, can't wait to play dress-ups)!

I think that about covers it for now. Thank you to everyone who came to Maddie's party! It meant so much to me, just to have you with us on her FIRST Birthday! We love you and look forward to it again next year!!!

March 27, 2006

Well we had gotten away with 3 years of in-town work, so I guess I shouldn't gripe about a 2 and a half week stint in Prudoe this year (sigh). Ron headed up North on the 13th of March, so it was just Maddie and myself (24/7 with no adult conversation...ugh). After the first week I was nearing insanity. Madison seemed to understand that her daddy was missing, and became (extra) needy, the moment we returned home from the airport. By the end of the first week I just needed someone else to tend to her for five minutes (oh how I appreciate my Husband)! Thank God my sister Tab was missing her niece and maybe even me! She sent us a ticket to Anchorage and Maddie and I were headed South for a mommy getaway! :) We had such a good time (there were actual adults to speak with) and Mom gave me a huge break by caring for Maddie while I shopped at "Once upon a Child" (bought the cutest sun dresses for the upcoming Summer) and spent some much needed time with "The Girls" at Simon's and Tab's house (so very nice)! Madison was an angel, loved her Grandma and Grandpa, not even fussing when I left for hours to have a bit of "Me" time. I was beginning to worry whether or not she was becoming too dependant upon me. Since it's just her and I most days (till Dad comes home at night) I really didn't want her to become afraid of other people. Whew, I had no need to worry she loves her extended family! The first night, Tab picked us up from the airport and we headed straight up to her house for a get together at Tab's with Shannon (her baby Brock) and Lisa. Madison LOVED Brock! I had never seen her so thrilled to see anything really. Shannon walked in the door with him in tow and Maddie nearly jumped from my arms, freaking out (with lack of a better description), squealing and pulling to get away from me and get closer to "the baby"! She definitely loves "babies" and just couldn't get over seeing another little one crawling around and playing at her side. It was so very cute and just reaffirmed my hopes in her being a wonderful "Big" sister, (one day)!
Once back at Grandma and Grandpa's house, Maddie was ready to show her stuff. Within the 5 days of our stay, she said "Baby" and "Uh oh". She also began playing the cutest game ever with her Grandma Dowd. Mom always presses her forehead to Maddie's and gives love (forehead to forehead). Madison must have figured this was just what Grandma does, so she began lowering her head, leaning in and giving this upward (slightly crazy) look to Mom while trying to press her forehead to Mom's. So hard to explain, but seriously the cutest and craziest thing I've ever seen! She would catch a glimpse of mom (even across the room) and lower her head and lean forward to try and "get her" with her forehead! She wouldn't do it to anyone else, just Grandma. But now that she's back home, she's been doing it to both Ron and I (ha, ha Mom, she loves us too)! It's strange how she seems to jump leaps and bounds with a trip to Anchorage. She comes back with a new look about her and seems to have aged several months in the few days of our stay. Hmmm.
Upon our return home, she began crawling. I wasn't even finished unpacking when she took her first few "steps" across her bedroom floor to get to her ball. Shaky at first and hardly making any head way, I wasn't certain she was actually crawling. But I kid you not, within the hour she was mobile! The next day she was much more steady and by the time her Daddy came home on the third day, the world was her playground! Racing around with so much to do and so very much to discover, she is everywhere! The cutest thing was the first time I set her on the master bedroom floor, so that I could brush my teeth in the adjoining bath. Within seconds she was around the corner (I peaked and she was fine, playing with the door stopper, so I continued brushing my teeth). Then I hear a little chuckle, look over and her little head is poking around the door, huge, mischievous smile and absolutely thrilled that she can come and go as she pleases. She continued this little game of "peekaboo" as I finished brushing my teeth. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but to see her peeking around the corner on her own was one of this Mother's greatest moments!

The next day her first tooth popped out! We were just getting ready to place an order for baby dentures and there it was a sharp, little translucent tooth just poking through the surface... yay! She didn't show any signs of teething, so when we least expected it, there it was. So she'll have a tooth to help chomp into her First Birthday cake (which is just a few weeks away)! I just can't believe a year has passed already. Wow. I've been on ebay planning her first Birthday bash, buying supplies and bidding on party dresses (so fun). I've designed and sent out the invites and am hoping to start her Birthday's off with a bang! We'll be having a party at home with our friends and some children from her playgroup and MOPS and then will be traveling to Anchorage on the 29th to celebrate with family. She's just growing so very much, so very quickly I'm excited to play with her in the yard this Summer, but then sad to be losing Maddie the "baby" (sigh). I still look forward to the playhouse that has yet to be built, but am already planning on our trip to JoAnne fabrics where Maddie will pick her very own drapery fabric and we'll sew curtains for her very own (mini) house out back. Love to dream, never knew I was a romantic...

Okay, must get back to Birthday planning. I know there's more to update, but just can't think of it right now (mommy syndrome)!
My recent night prayer with Maddie:
"Dear heavenly Father, please care for Madison. Her health, her spirit and her future. I pray that Ron and I will be the parents you need us to be, so that Madison can become the woman you have destined her to become. I thank you for the little things. I thank you for our home, our families, the love you've brought within these walls. Please guide our ways in all aspects of life and bless us with a peaceful heart always and in all things.
Thank you Jesus for your care. Amen"

February 27, 2006

Busy, busy, busy! Between playing with each and every toy in the toy-box (for a god thirty seconds each), to rolling around, scooting, sliding and preparing for her future career as a circus performer, Madison's days are simply filled to the brim with "To-do's"!
This past week it seems she's grown leaps and bounds. There are so many new happenings that I had to make time to jot them down (before I forget and it all runs together)!

New Happenings:
About a month ago we noticed Madison's legs were a bit more than "flexible".
Picture this: She's sitting on her bottom (legs in front of her). She reaches for a toy (like reaching forward to touch her toes). The further she reaches forward, the more her legs spread apart to each side (fairly normal... so far). The only difference is that her legs don't stop! Once they get to either side of her body (like the splits), they go all the way around to the back!!! Uh yeah... Fairly disturbing if you ask me!
At her last check-up I asked the Doctor her thoughts (wondering if this may be why she hadn't shown any interest in crawling, at the time). Her Physician laughed, said she'd never seen that one before, checked her hips and said her legs were fine, just double-jointed and that we would surely have a gymnast on our hands!
Ron thinks it's great and stretches her legs all around (which makes me absolutely sick... I just can't watch), insisting that she needs to stretch to keep her legs flexible (he may be right, but it just looks painful)!
So we're hoping that she has an interest in gymnastics, so that she can use her little "rubber legs" for more than just a side-show circus act!
You can see her splits in the video entitled "Circus Act">>

Madison gave her first sign (Sign language) on February 22.
I consistently use the signs around the house (along with speaking the word) and this time I said "More milk?" And she showed me the sign for "More" over and over! I wasn't sure if it was just a fluke, so we tried it again for more food (when feeding her later at the table) and sure enough "More, more, more" was her reply! Yay! It's touch and go whether or not she'll sign it, but I am absolutely thrilled to see her progress!

Scooting, rolling & sitting.
Also this past week, Madison started with a roll from her back to her tummy (it's always been the other way around), then (finding herself on her tummy) tried to get her knees up to crawl, but ended up pushing herself backwards (quite a ways), then pushed enough so that she actually ended up back on her bottom in a sitting position! Once she did it the first time it was as though she had seen the light! She now rolls around the room, or scoots about on her bottom, to get toys or explore. I wouldn't say she's totally mobile yet. I can still leave the room and she'll be in the general vicinity when I return (two minutes later). However, I know it's just around the corner, so (not wanting any surprises) we're planning on buying some gates for the wood stove (that one scares me to no end) and the stairs.
I'm just excited to see her getting around. She's so much happier having the control and you can see how absolutely proud she feels when she goes from one area to another... Yay!!!

Clapping, Patty-Cake & Peek a boo.
Madison began playing "Peek a boo" about a month ago also. She'll pull the blanket up over her head (for barely half a second), then throw it down really quick and smile all big, while we try to squeeze in a Peek a boo, before she covers up her head and does it all again (over and over and over and over and....)
Just this week she began clapping (till now it was hard for her to get those hands open)! So now we play patty cake and clap, clap, clap to show excitement! Yeah, it's the little things!

Kisses to Mom.
Till yesterday I had yet to receive a "real" kiss from Maddie. Oh what a wonderful, wonderful thing! I was smacking my lips like a kiss and she stopped moving, leaned forward (mouth open) and pressed her face up against mine (holding it there for some time)! Oh it was so cute! She did it three more times in a row and then cut me off for the rest of the night. Yeah, once you get Mom started, there's no stopping it!

Play Group.
For about a month we've been attending a play-group hosted by one of the ladies from our church. She lives just down the street, so each Monday we pack up some toys and head over to Rebecca's, so that Maddie can play with the other kids (though there all about 2 years old, so she really just watches) and the Mom's get to chat a bit.
I just think it's important for her to get out of the house, be around other kids and experience new things. She seems to like it enough and just loves being around other "little" ones.

January 5, 2006

Last night I found myself looking over "Old" movies of Madison on the computer. Why is it that looking at them now, she appears so tiny, so young. But at the time, I remember thinking how big she was getting, all the new things she had learned? I looked at her this morning and could see clearly, her personality... A smile never far from her lips with a bit of a mischievous flare and a slight taunt in her mannerism that says "What are you going to do next? Go ahead, make me laugh!" It seems she's always awaiting the next great adventure. (Hmmm, will I read this in 16 years and laugh knowingly of my daughter's quirks?)

My life (our lives) have never changed so much, in one year. I feel I have aged ten years, since Maddie's arrival (in both good and bad ways). I have found that the human body can take much more stress, both emotional and physical, accompanied by an absolute roller coaster of elated feelings and breaking points, than I had ever known possible.
I'm certain any Mother (and surely some fathers as well) are reading this and chuckling at my realization. Every parent has their vast bits of knowledge to bestow the newbie, but ya know? You just don't "get it" till you're deep in it on your own. Being a Mother to Madison is what I feel, God intended for me to be, from my own beginning. The rewards of mothering this small one... Being able to be "the one" who shows her humor, reads her stories of Christ and readies her for her own tomorrow... It's really quite humbling to be honest.
I pray with Madison now, at night. I hold her tightly to me, rocking her back and forth, as I pray (softly) in her ear; Asking for God's hand on this family, Ron's and my Marriage, for help with our own faults and that we might be the parents God had intended us to be for her, so that she can be the Woman God created her to be. She almost always falls asleep as I pray with her. I know their will be many days to come, when I will doubt my parenting "skills", the decisions of that day. I only pray that at night, when I close my eyes, I will know that I have done my best and trust in God's guidance for the morning to come.

New Happenings:
Maddie's first word "Dada" was spoken on December 18th, 2005! As clear as anything she began touting off "da,da,da,da,da" endlessly and when we tried to teach her "mama" she would smile, laugh real loud and proclaim... "DADADA!" with astounding clarity! (Stubborn child... Don't know where she gets it!)

On Christmas day Madison gave her first Kiss! She stopped, leaned forward into Ron, mouth wide open, she pressed her face on his and stayed motionless that way for some time. It was really the cutest thing I think I have ever seen!

Maddie has conquered sitting and has now discovered she can go from her bottom to her tummy and back on her own. I'll set her up to play on her blanket and find her lying precariously on her side, or back (on top of the toys) within minutes! She won't say anything... She'll just lay there looking a bit worried, till we rescue her.... Strange, strange li'l one!

Lately Ron has been standing Madison up to the coffee table and letting her practice using her legs. She'll stand there for ten minutes at a time, absolutely excited to be able to reach into the drawers and get items in and out on her own. No "cruising" yet, but it's fun to see her trying new things.

She loves her Baby Signing Time videos! As soon as the cartoon character's first appear on the screen, she squeals, slaps her hands to the ground and laughs with delight! She watches the entire video (sometimes both series) hardly breaking away for a second, as she takes it all in. I believe she recognizes the signs for "Milk" and "Eat" (she gets excited and sometimes smacks her lips, when I give her the signs)... But we'll see how she does in the next few months.

December 26, 2005

A letter from Mom:

Merry Christmas from North Pole!
Madison's first Christmas was amazing (probably more so, for Ron and I than Maddie, but wonderful none-the-less)! She received more gifts than she knew what to do with and was absolutely over-stimulated, come bed-time (a sure sign of a successful Christmas)!
Next year Ron and I have agreed to spend Christmas at home. It will be strange to miss out on the commotion of the Christmas's I have known (and loved) since I was a child, but it will also be so much fun establishing our own traditions and building the excitement around our own home with the onset of Winter.
(My head is swimming with ideas... Candle-light service at church Christmas eve followed by a night of stocking surprises and family stories or games...Home-made Cinnamon rolls, Christmas morn... The madness of the present opening in our P.J's... Ahhh, is it Christmas yet???)
Yes, family and friends will be missed beyond words, but the importance of beginning our own traditions as the "Owsley family" is just too great to put off.

2005 Christmas was amazing. A year full of surprises surely awaits and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for us this year! I pray that you all have had a beautiful celebration of Christ's birth! God Bless you today, tomorrow and in the New Year soon to come!!!

With Love this Christmas,
Sabrina

December 1 , 2005

My sister is now "Mrs. Brigman" and our trip to Anchorage was a great one. Madison did wonderfully on all our flights (laughing most of the time and sleeping the other), so "Thank you Lord" for the little things that make our days easy!
Life has rapidly picked up pace, as the snow has fallen, bringing the temperatures down with it. Christmas is only weeks away and somehow it only seems like Fall to me? (Is it age, or Motherhood that leaves you suddenly wondering what day it is?)

Madison is huge. I looked down at her this morning as she nursed and thought "Good Lord, who is this monster attached to me???!"( Yes, sweet nothings) Seriously though, she overwhelms her car seat (feet dangling out, head barely able to squeeze into the bunting we just purchased. Her 7 month appointment had her weighing in at just under 18 lbs. She is now wearing 12-18 month sized clothes and I am constantly making run-through's of the closet, packing away the (still new) clothes she can no longer fit into. Ugh. Thank God for "Once upon a Child". It's the one store I cannot miss, with each Anchorage trip! (Nordstrom's who?... Sorry my priorities have shifted.)

Let's see, there's so many "new" things in Maddie's little life, I find myself thinking "Ooh, I have to write that down" but when it comes time? Can't recall a darn thing! I know, we started our "Baby signing time" videos this week and she seems to really enjoy them. Progress will be slow (at first) but they say once babies reach about 10 months, I will probably see her trying to manipulate her own little hands to form words! Both Ron and I are pretty excited to see this come to light. My friend's at church have convinced me (through their own totting signers) that teaching your child to sign is a complete life-saver. So I have high, high hopes!

Madison began sitting on her own last week. I still place pillows near her (since she can lose her balance at times and fall back.... large head and all... You understand). But it's great to see her sitting their, playing with her little toys (like a "big" girl... sniff, sniff, she's growing to fast!). Her favorite toy is this pink and white puppy dog that Azure bought for her baby shower. It's small enough for her to hold and so, so, soft, she buries her face in it and just squeals when I hand it to her! Pretty much anything soft is her favorite thing (for that moment), though this dog also barks, so that just exceeds her little expectations each time!

Funny faces still can bring on enormous fun. She'll catch your eye and just wait for your next move( "What will you do next, to make me laugh?"). They get old pretty fast though, so I have to remain creative, jumping around, flapping my arms (oh yes, how you would like to be a "fly on the wall" during our play times!) We make complete fools of ourselves, but to get that belly laugh (where her eyes are nearly tearing) is so very worth the humiliation. Madison keeps us all in stitches. She loves her new "Jumperoo" (the new version of a "Johnny jump-up".) It plays a "Looney' tunes" type of song, when the baby jumps, with lights flashing and toys attached to it's little tray. She'll jump like crazy in that thing, squealing and laughing (I think we love watching her as much as she loves jumping in it).

She is beginning to play with a sippy cup. Trying to master the art of drinking from a cup has proven to be quite difficult, but she gets absolutely ecstatic when she sees the cup coming and will try for quite some time, to get some water out. She loves her baby food. When I come around the corner, with her brightly-colored little bowls, she kicks her legs, flails her arms and just squeals with delight! Her favorite is sweet potato's and (surprisingly) she doesn't care much for bananas. But the girl can eat! She'll pound down 2+ servings and would go for more if I'd offer it. She's certainly getting enough food!
I am still nursing her. I hope to be able to nurse for her first year (only 5 more months to go... yay!) It has been a VERY difficult road. I had no idea what was in store, but the benefits to her just can't be denied. In the beginning, I saw 5 lactation specialists over the first 4 months. Madison would not latch well and would consistently pull away crying. Initially I had to use an S.N.S (supplemental nursing system), where you tape a tube to your breast, connected to a bottle of my expressed milk, so that when she suckles she'll have immediate gratification (they thought that maybe she wasn't getting a lot of milk right away, and was pulling away out of frustration). We did that for a month or so. But that meant I would have to nurse (with this contraption slung around my neck and taped to my body, as well as spend half an hour pumping right after, to have enough milk to fill the container next time... Ugh)! Today things are MUCH better. She nurses 5 times a day, but is quite efficient, as she only nurses for a total of 8 minutes, or so. She still (however) will pull away crying each time. Quite often I will have to cradle her in one arm, stand and bounce her to coerce her to finish eating (strange, strange child)! This all makes it quite awkward to nurse with others around (wouldn't even consider trying this in public). So when friends stay with us, we have to go in the other room, to nurse. All this said, I am still determined to make the year. Six months was mandatory (for her optimal health) but one year is just that extra bit of insurance that she is getting the best start I can offer. (One day she'll thank me... right?!)

Maddie is our angel. She (typically) wakes "chatting" to herself and I can lay her down for naps without a peep. She sleeps for two hours at a time, 3-4 times a day and when she's awake for the 1.5 to 2 hours at a time, we spend 85% of that time playing, one on one. Her smiles are enormous but her presence is even greater. She loves her daddy, offering him a charming smile that is reserved only for him. She'll study him as he watches television, just waiting for him to glance her way... It's quite cute to watch her. When she's really tickled, she'll make fists of her little hands, squeal, look down and plunge her hands toward her waist, almost like she's so overwhelmed, she just balls herself up.

To calm Madison if she's having a hard time sleeping (usually when we're at someone else's home) I will cradle her in my arm, with her head close in the crook of my neck, holding her hand (furthest from my body) tightly in, while bouncing her softly and whispering or saying a prayer in her ear. She simply melts and this works 99% of the time. She's definitely a cuddler (like her daddy), needing to be held tightly in... I love it!

My prayer for Madison is this "Dear Lord, please care for our child. I thank you for her health, her personality and her joy. I pray that you will continually watch over her, keep her safe (always) and call her to You, as she grows. I pray she will know You and come to You with her fears and with her joys. That she will full fill Your plan for her life and that Ron and I will be the parents needed to be, to help her become the woman You have planned for her to be. Thank you Father for lending your little Angel to us... Amen"

October 25, 2005

Six months (and counting). Maddie loves her Rice cereal, not too crazy about bananas and ate two portions of peas today, completely excited about this new taste! I'm looking forward to her next "Well-baby" check... She must weigh about 18 pounds now (my arms are completely built)!
Everyday Ron and I are in awe of what a "good" baby Madison is. I wonder, "Is a parent's love just blind? Do we not see the 'real' Madison?" But then shrug it off and am thankful that we see her as wonderful! She sleeps till 8:30 or 9:30 in the morning now, which lets me either sleep in, or sneak out of bed and grab a muffin, a cup of (so very needed) coffee, enjoy a few minutes of Television, or hop in the shower and ready myself for the day, prior to her awakening. Ahh, yes, "normalcy" in some form, any way!
Let's see, she's rolling over a bit more now. Had debuted this new feat (three times) on her 4-month "Birthday", but then decided it was old news and refused to do it again. Well it's back and better than ever! She is now working at rolling from her back to her tummy, arching her back and pushing with her legs. So no more changing table time, as mommy gets ready in the morning (I just know to expect the worst and to know it will happen, in the split second I turn away). Our neighbor (Danielle) has kindly let us borrow her Excersaucer, which is wonderful! Maddie has a walker (with toys on the tray), but the excersaucer allows her to bounce and turn completely around, in the seat. Unfortunately this is a hot commodity out here in the boonies, since I could find not a single one and shipping from ebay was atrocious! So we were ecstatic when Danielle offered the use of her daughter's. Maddie loves it, as well as her new high-chair... uh, umm, excuse me the "Peg Perego, Prima Pappa Dondalino" to be exact! Tee, hee, hee, yeah I splurged on ebay, and bought the Cadillac of High-chairs (it rocks, plays music, reclines and adjusts to a toddler seat for crying out loud)! It's great though, because now I can keep Maddie happy in the kitchen while I bake (though she's so pre-occupied with my scurrying about, that she couldn't care less about what seat she was in... If she could only appreciate the luxury....Surely she'll thank me... One day)!
What's new? Two days ago she begun "hugging" both Ron and I. She doesn't do it often, but when she's either tired, or really happy, she'll grab our shirts (near the shoulder), squeal and burry her head into your chest, holding real tight for several seconds and then pull away and do it again. This can go on for several minutes (if you're lucky) and it has to be the most wonderful feeling ever! She's a complete cuddler (like her Dad... Lord knows she didn't get that from me). I hold her close (cheek to cheek), with my hand holding her head to mine and my arm around her (chubby little) body, just squeezing her in and talking softly to her... She loves it. Stays perfectly still and just eats it up, as I rock her back and forth. Sometimes she'll offer a "hug" after our cuddle time, but only if it was hug worthy :)

Last month she went through a "spitting" phase, where the cute little sighing sounds ceased and she chose to just sputter (all over the place and the person holding her) for hours at a time. Okay, this was really quite funny and I took several videos of her happily spitting all over, so that we can show her future boyfriends what a darling princess our Madison is (mooohaa,haa,haa)! Today she is back to talking, trying out new sounds and quite often working her whole little body into a straight little board, mouth wide open, but no sound escaping, till she finally exhales (this too is, of course, quite funny).

Her favorite thing (surely to get a huge laugh, each time) is when I cross my eyes, stick out my tongue and make the "bloobla, bloohbla" sounds while shaking my head (yeah, a bit too much time on my hands you say?) Ron makes me do this each night, so that he can see Maddie laugh and laugh. Don't' get me wrong, he can do it to and she'll laugh also, but honestly? Those who know me, know that my face is pretty darn funny looking and finally I have found an audience that can appreciate my talents! :)
Sometimes she'll laugh so hard, she barely comes up for air. But it never ceases to amuse her. Her newest entertainment is when I look around, kinda humming, like I'm oblivious to her sitting there and then when our eyes meet, I kind of jump back with a loud, (surprised) gasp. This one is her favoritest (yeah, I'm regressing). She really gets a kick out of it, like she's the one scaring me! Oh yeah, it's the little things that make my day!

We've joined "M.O.P.S." (Mother's of preschoolers) and she has done wonderfully in the nursery (for two-straight hours)! I am so excited, as her time in Sunday school has also been going great! She's so interested in what "new" people are doing, that she really doesn't seem to notice we're gone, or that she's missing a nap. So I think it's good for her to get use to other care-takers and am hoping that this is a sign for what is to come!

Cheryl (my youngest sister) and Brian (the love of her life) are getting married next month, so Ron, Maddie and myself will be flying in for the occasion (no more driving... Never again)! Ya know, I never appreciated a Mother's life till I became one, myself. I have begun jotting down a list of items to pack, for back Maddie and Myself. Thus far I have two full pages and am quickly widdling away a third! I've never been what some might call a "light" packer...( If I can I'll use my allotted amount as well as one of Ron's)! So traveling with Madison is a bit of a challenge, to say the least. See, I not only have to squeeze in (a years worth) of my stuff, I also have to fit her entire (fabulous little) wardrobe, bottles, diapers, burp clothes, breast pump, blankets, bonnets, coats, toys, lotions, shampoos, bows and the million other things I have written down! Not to mention the stress in simply traveling with a baby. We pray that the seat next to me will be open, so that we can strap her carrier in. If it is not, we will have to check the carrier (which will surely be drop-kicked into position beneath the plane... After it has been run over three times and spat upon) and I'll have to hold Madison for the duration of the flight. This wouldn't be so bad, as long as she remains content and doesn't begin to cry.
NOTE: Tabitha feels I'm too worried about upsetting those around me (who don't have crying children), stating that they "understand".... But I disagree. I swear I can feel their eyes bore into my head and can hear their thoughts screaming "Will she get out of here?!" Should Maddie ever cry in public (which is usually in any dressing room, within three minutes upon entering).
So then, traveling is a bit stressful, whether it's in my car or a one-hour plane ride! Ugh. BUT, we are totally looking forward to the Wedding and seeing family once again. So it will surely be worth it, in the end. (I'll drop a line, on the outcome later.)

September 18, 2005

Five months... Solids, already? I have learned this does not mean steack and eggs, but STILL... She's only a "newborn"!
Yeah, these are (just a few of) the crazy thoughts that run through my head now. I (so badly) want her to "grow up". When I look into our huge backyard, I envision the play-house, Ron and I have already designed (in our own minds), with home-made window treatments (that Maddie will help me to create, using fabrics she chose herself) and a kitchen set with real dry-goods for play! But on the other hand, I see her now, (so cuddly and "small") and I want nothing more than for her to stay this size forever! Sigh, what to do?
Maybe I feel more sentimental today because we all drove into "town" (Fairbanks, that is) just last night and bought Madison her first "Walker" and first fabric book! This past week, she had made it quite clear that her playmat and bassinett toys were "So 4-months!" I try to give her "alone" time, but she just wasn't interacting with any of her toys any more. But she was very excited, when Ron would hold her in a standing position... So we bought a walker with a toy tray, flashing lights, a mirror and other shapely things surely to broaden her horizons and turn her into the child prodigy we all know she is (tee, hee, hee)! I tell you, my gorgeous living room, with it's muted earth-tones, vibrant red-Asian rug and knickknacks placed just-so, has been overcome with primary colors, things that blink and "Sing" and hundreds of toys, dangling from "learning loops"! Yes, everyone was right, all things (even interior design) are put aside, when baby arrives. That little girl (who is not so little, weighing in at 15.6 pounds, in the 90th percentile for growth) takes up more living space than Ron and I both! (Amazing)
So we made our trip to Anchorage, just the "Girls" several weeks back. Yeah, never will we attempt that fate again! The 7-hour trip took just at nine hours to complete (which was what I had expected), but that is just too long for a wee one to be strapped to a car seat (even with a menagerie of toys dangling and draped within every inch of her peripheral view)! Ugh, More than twice, I had to pull over and attempt to soothe her (with not much luck), letting all the RV's I had previously passed, pass me by (once again). By the time we arrived at Grandma and Grandpa', we were both pooped (her literally)! But, after a bit of recuperating, Madison (and I) had a blast. She did MUCH better, sleeping somewhere other than home, than I had expected. Her routine was hardly interrupted and we were able to really enjoy the 11-day stay in Anchorage.
Mom offered to watch Maddie, while I shopped, (taking some time for me), but two hours into my shopping (for Maddie at "Once upon a Child") I had a feeling I should check in. Sure enough, Madison had been giving Mom a terrible time. Crying non-stop, Mom tried everything she could think of to soothe her (to no avail). So I wrapped up what I was doing (bought a plethora of clothes for her... Compliments of Grandma and Great-Grandpa) and raced back to the house to "rescue" my poor "abused" child! As soon as I picked her up (did the "Mommy bounce"), she zipped it and began to fall asleep. Now this was kind of sweet in a way (every Mom wants to feel needed), but this was also a bad sign (in my opinion). Madison has never been left with anyone other than her Daddy and I did not want this to be our fate for the next 7 years! Some thinking had to be done.
Once we returned home (ahh, so very nice to be home, to see my Husband and to get back to our routine), and sat in church that Sunday, Maddie began to get irritated. She had done so well before, in Church. But lately was not sleeping through the services (Pastor Johnny is just too riveting) and I had been having to stay with her in the nursery. However, this time was different! I was taking a stand, I was going to be strong! I'm the Mommy, I know what's best and she will not die, if I leave her in the care of another, for half of an hour (right?)!
So I took her to the nursery, handed her to the care-taker, with whom I chatted with for several minutes (anxiety building by the second), while Maddie just looked around the room, no expression, just checking things out (obviously pretending to be fine, for my sake... what a sweet child). So we agreed that (should she cry for more than five minutes), they would find me in the service, so I could rescue her. Okay, the terms were fair... Back to my Husband I went. Upon my return, I could see Ron's surprise as there was no baby in my arms. I whispered to him the terms and he hesitantly nodded. Minutes later he leans over and says "I just don't want her on the floor where the other kids can get her... Was she on the floor?"
" Nope, I had seen the swings and told the nice lady that Madison would surely be fine in a swing." Ron was okay with this.
The rest of the service I was torn between actually enjoying the time away from our daughter, taking in the message and resisting the urge to shove the elderly and the young out of my way (at service end) to get to the nursery the quickest. What to do?
Once the service had ended, a friend of mine stopped me to chat about joining "MOPS" (Mother's of Preschoolers) and Jeff Howe (song leader) stopped me to give me some more content for their web site, (breathe, she'll be fine... Five minutes won't kill her), so Ron (surely feeling some of what I was) gave me the diaper bag and headed to the nursery for our child. I pictured him walking into a war zone of parents, each attempting to rescue their own children, while he fought his way to the back, following the screams of our baby as a guide, climbing over heaps of toys, crawling tots and single shoes, who had lost their owners (never to be found again)...
Uh yeah, so he returned with a quite calm and happy little Maddie; Said she was completely content and didn't seem to notice anyone was missing. Yay!!!
Okay, I know I have spent way too much time describing my own "separation anxiety" but one day, Madison will surely get a kick when she reads about what a psychotic mother she has (in case she doesn't already know by then)!
So next week, I am going to drop her off to the nursery, first thing. Whew. See what happens... Surely I'll write more, as the saga continues...

August 18, 2005

My days are filled with the smallest details.
Each night I wonder "Where has my day gone?" "Why do I feel so completely exhausted, yet cannot recall what exactly I did, with my day?" I suppose this is one part of Motherhood that you only understand, once you're there.
I had been praying about my job, wondering how I would find the time to devote (even part time) myself to both Maddie and work. I imagined working late into the evening and waking at 7:00 to feed and care for our daughter while juggling emails and design tasks, not wanting to short-change my daughter, nor my employer.
Well my prayers were answered and quite clearly. Simply put, Ginger sent an email, explaining that there was no work for me, at Web Weavers. She was sorry (yada, yada, yada) but business had slowed to a crawl and she just didn't have anything to send my way. At first I felt that sickening, panic, thinking "I don't have a job!" But quickly reminded myself that I had left it in God's hands and He had delivered a clear answer. (Sometimes His ways are not so "Mysterious".)
Well, It's been nearly two months now and somehow we've managed to not only keep up on our bills but even pay some things off, (which is pretty amazing, since we never really had "extra" money when I was working). So God has provided for our needs and continues to show Himself daily (why do we forget His graces so quickly... Why do we doubt?) Hmm.
since I am now an official "Stay at home Mom", I have been able to tend to other projects (such as our Church's site redesign) that had been pushed aside, in the past (although it should have been a bit higher on my list of priorities). I have just completed a patchwork-style chenille and satin blanket for David's new little boy (Michael Curtis, the first boy any of us Dowd-kids has produced) and I'm really looking forward to beginning some more sewing projects (quick someone, get pregnant, so I can have good cause for buying fabric)!
It's amazing how one's day can fill with simple "to-do's" like laundry, dishes, vacuuming, baking and (of course) diapering, feeding and simply tending to one's child! Honestly, I rarely (and I mean rarely) cook dinner. However, this truly does bother me (I would love to be the "perfect" wife and mother, with a full meal on the table, when Ron came home) but I have yet to figure out how to work that into my day, without leaving something else out? If anyone knows, please fill me in!
Luckily Ron (like myself) is pretty happy with simple dinners and even luckier, Ron enjoys cooking and has more often than not, been known to serve up a fabulous shin dig, on his own! (Ya I'm a pretty lucky chic, what can I say?) :)

Summer Visitors: Ron's Mom and step-Dad spent four days with us, last month, meeting Maddie for the first time. It was absolutely wonderful having our home full of life and being able to spend some (real) time talking with Carmen, over coffee in the mornings. You know there always seems to be that Mother-in-law "stigma". "Will I do things the way she does?" "WIll she think I'm a flake?" But ya know, every time I talk with her, I realize what a great woman she is. I truly enjoyed her's and Billy's company and was quite sad to wish them farewell, once their stay had come to an end. It's difficult being so far away from our families, especially now that Madison is here. But although Ron and I dream (aloud) of moving from North Pole, it is surely some years out. We have both agreed to pray and just work on God's time, not ours. Till then, we miss our families but are also quite content in our home here, as well.
Celsea spent last week with Madison and I (which was an absolute BLAST)! I taught her how to build a web site and she taught me a movie editing program (the girl is a 12-year old computer whiz). By the time she left, she was a pro with Madison (carrying her around, soothing any tears). She changed a diaper, picked out her clothes for each day and even shampooed her hair. We had a ton of fun and Madison surely loves her cousin!

Let's see, new happenings: Madison rolled over for the first time today (at exactly 4 months old). It seemed almost an accident. I had her on her tummy and she had worked that little arm under her body just enough that with one push off, she tumbled onto her back! I tried and tried again to get her to repeat it, but with no luck. I honestly don't know why I want her to crawl so bad. I can see what this will mean and must be absolutely crazy to be helping her figure this one out.. I just get so excited with each new day! :)

Trips: On the 31st of this month, Maddie and I will be making our first road trip to Anchorage! It's the annual "Dowd-family fair-day and BBQ" and we just couldn't miss out. So I'm planning for one LOOOOOONG road trip (usually a 7-hour ordeal, so I'm planning for 9 with feedings and changing's on the road-side!). It should be fun though (once we get there). Maddie has out-grown all of her pants and is in great need of HUGE clothing! So we'll have some fun at Burlington's (never too early to get them started shopping, right?) My family is also missing Maddie, so it'll be great to have them see her again.

Uh oh, crying child... Must tend to Minnie me. More to come!

July 9, 2005

I try to remember all the details, knowing one day (with my memory, that day could be tomorrow) it will all be a blur. So my to-do list now includes, "Update Maddie's web page", so that I can jot down her new happenings.

I have hands!
Last week, I finally removed her little mittens. She had been scratching her face so badly (actually grabbing her cheeks, during a feeding, and pulling on her skin) and would occasionally grab little fist-full's of hair and pull (not knowing what she was doing), that I felt it was safer to just keep the mittens on. Well, after a conversation with my Mom and my Tab (both trying not to come out and just say it) I agreed that the mittens needed to come off and Madison needed to be introduced to her little fingers! I swear she probably thought she was born with nubs! Today she is doing fine. She hasn't been pulling on her hair and although she has several scratches this morning, I think she's beginning to put two and two together and keeping her hands away from her face a bit more. Yes, it's the little things that get me excited these days!

Social Butterfly:
It seems with each day, her personality shows itself in leaps and bounds! Madison is a complete social butterfly (only she just lies there, so maybe she's more like a social caterpillar.. tee, ghee, hee). We "talk" for great lengths throughout the day. She makes a sound, I mimic it, she makes a different sound, I mimic that. Her face absolutely lights the room with her huge grins and she squeals and giggles now with enthusiasm. No big belly laughs just yet, but each day we get closer (yay)!
Last night, she was cranky. We had gotten off our schedule and she had missed her evening nap entirely and although it was time for her "dinner", she just wouldn't latch (this is SOOOO frustrating, let me tell you)! So I took her upstairs for a time out... Tee, hee, hee, just kidding! I took her upstairs to change her diaper and she began "complaining" to me. This has got to be the cutest thing ever. She looks you right in the eye and makes these whining, dramatic sigh-type of sounds, then waits for me to "reply" (in the same way), before doing it again, but even more dramatic this time! She complained to me for about ten minutes, bantering back and forth, before we finished up the diaper change and went for an unsuccessful round-two of the feeding. Although it was frustrating, with her refusing to eat, I couldn't help but be taken in as she was trying so very hard to communicate with me. I often wonder, what is she trying to say? She looks so deep into your eyes, trying so hard to get a little sound out (each different from the last), so many times I have wished that I could understand (they know so much more than we give them credit for... Whole other story, we'll wait on this one).

Moving out so soon?
Right now, Maddie is napping in her nursery. So far she has been sleeping only in her bassinet, which is in our bedroom. But as she grows larger and larger (about 13.5 pounds now), it seems her tiny bassinet is quickly closing in around her (sigh, they grow so fast). I so don't look forward to her sleeping down stairs (with that whole irrational worrying that I have become consumed with), but am trying to get used to the idea, as well as introduce her to the new surroundings. Ron is ecstatic with the prospect of her sleeping in her nursery (it drives him crazy that I continuously pop her pacifier in her mouth, as she cries for it throughout the night... I know, he's probably right. I just can't stand the cries, when I know something simple will soothe her...what to do?). So throughout the day, I have been settling her for naps in her crib. So far she has done quite well! She loves her canopy, peering around her, gazing at the patterns and colors, (which enthralls me to no end) and is absolutely mesmerized by her chandelier! Yup, that's my girl! So it's baby steps for the both of us and soon enough she will be moving out (so sad) of our room and making the nursery her own.

The Bruise:
About a month ago, I noticed an elevated bruise on Maddie's chest. It didn't seem to bother her in the least, but frightened me, as it looked fairly painful and seemed to appear over night. Ron took a look and we both thought that when he had been playing with her (the previous evening), lifting her over his head, that his (humongous) thumb, must have left the mark. After a week or so, it had not diminished, so I took her to the native health center, to ensure nothing serious was wrong. There they just agreed that it was a bruise and not to worry (telling me stories of how they had done something similar, when playing with their own children). So I left feeling assured. However, it has still not changed a bit, so Ron felt I should take her back in and see why (after a month) it is still there. My mind began to race, consumed with "what-if's", as I drove to the Doctor's office. The bruise didn't worry me as much as the lump beneath, but I prayed all would be well with Maddie's health and pulled into the Doctor's office. After a quick check, Doctor Bergersun announced that it was no bruise at all, that in fact it is a birth mark! He said it's quite common for babies to have these masses of blood vessels (similar to a "strawberry" birth mark) and although it is a type of tumor, it is not cancerous and will vanish completely in no more than eight months. I had never heard of such a birth mark, but was absolutely relieved to hear that it was nothing to worry over and that Ron can rest easy, knowing he did not "break" our little girl! Whew.

There is much, much more to catch up on, but it will have to wait. It's 10:00 AM on Saturday and Maddie must wake from her morning nap for her brunch.
I will close with this. God is working, tending to this families needs. Needs we're not even aware of. His presence is so great in our lives, I am brought to tears with His love... "Why take the time for us?" I think. But trust in His purpose and look forward with anticipation to what tomorrow holds.
I am now an official "stay-at-home" Mom. Yeah, not in my plan, but am oddly excited about the prospect of making my family my "business". By putting their needs above work and by creating memories in the home, rather than the office.
I will elaborate more on this, with the next nap-time break I find!

June 15th, 2005

Nearly two months have passed, since Madison's arrival and time has been moving at warp speed, ever since! I most often heard "Enjoy today, don't try to rush things, they grow so fast."
Oh how very true!
Madison flashed her first "real" smile on June 2nd and today she woke cooing and "chatting" with her teddy bear mobile for nearly an hour, while Mom rested and prepared for a new day (what a thoughtful child)! Her smiles are absolutely gorgeous (if I do say so myself), her eyes smile first, then her whole face follows with a huge, toothless, grin that could melt the most calloused of hearts! I find myself spending half my day, acting a fool and for-going my "to-do" list, in hopes of witnessing that smile once more and being a part of Maddie's world for another two minutes. (Sigh), it's amazing how ones priorities do change.

Madison is nearly sleeping through the night now (yes, yes, yes)! However, we're still working on beginning our nights a bit earlier (she tends to be at her most alert, between 9PM and 11:30ish). But it's not uncommon for her to skip her mid-nightly feeding and allow Mom to sleep (uninterrupted) for 7 hours straight! Yay!
When Maddie was about 4 weeks old, I began to question whether or not I would ever feel truly "rested" again! I dug through books, read magazine articles, in search for a light at the end of this tunnel and found nothing, no solid answer as to when I could expect a bit of rest. So thank God it finally came, while I was still (partially) sane! It's true what they say ya know, "It all gets better after 6 weeks". However, don't misinterpret, it was never "bad" before. Okay, some days were (and still can be) tiring (others simply exhausting), she can be cranky for no apparent reason, be hungry, yet refuse to nurse (this one can REALLY drive one mad) and go through 3 diaper changes in the five minutes your trying to dress her and run to an appointment that you're already late for (yeah, all you Mothers know this one)!
But somehow, the next morning, waking her from her slumber with "Good Morning, sweetheart, time to get up..." hearing her make those little, baby grunts, as she stretches her entire body for nearly two minutes straight (this has to be the most thorough stretch I have ever witnessed), and flashes one of her (now famous) Maddie smiles while cooing in reply to the sound of my voice... Well somehow the prior days events fade and I just cannot wait to hold her body close and breath every inch of her in. Yes, God knew there would be times only divine intervention could keep man (and mother) kind, procreating. The miracle of life is one thing, but the love a mother (and surely a Father as well) has for their child, is truly miraculous!

Tidbits:
Madison's first smile and "coo" : June 2nd

Special time is our bath time. Madison joins me in the shower, just loving the warm water splashing her back (even dripping in her face)! She nearly falls asleep each time and the only tears to fall are when the water turns off and the towel goes on (she really hates to get out of the shower)!

Dislikes: Now that the temperatures are rising in Fairbanks, I tried to get a bit of sun on the deck, letting Maddie swing in the shade. However, Momma was unaware that this Princess does not like the heat (it was about 85 degrees out) and after Madison made this quite clear to me, I found she clearly preferred our Air-conditioned bedroom to the hot, summer sun!

Events: I try to take Maddie out as often as possible. On sunny days, I break out her (Cadillac of a) stroller (thank you Mom, Dad and Tab) and we walk for about an hour and a half on the bike trails (just a stone-throw away from the house). She'll stay awake for a few minutes, trying to check everything out, but soon, the movement puts her fast to sleep.
Other days, we run errands and Madison falls immediately to sleep, as the car begins to move (she loves the murmur of the engine and the motion on the road). Typically, she'll stay asleep for several hours, allowing me to take care of grocery shopping and maybe one more errand, before she wakes for lunch. If I try to "push" our time further (just squeeze in that one last trip), and it happens to run into her feeding time??? Oh no buddy, not gonna happen! She will certainly let you know you have crossed the line and all heck will break loose, till she gets a full tummy! I've figured out our routine and I think we're both working pretty well on it now!

May 6, 2005

Monday morning, the 18th day of April, I rushed out the door and headed to my biweekly prenatal exam. Feeling fine, I assumed (for the first time) that this day would be no different from the rest, no need to bring anything along, or make a “deal” about Ron being near a phone.
The appointment began with the usual NST, vitals and such. Faith had told me that the protein levels in my urine had risen, but I still didn't show any of the usual signs of progressing preeclamsia, so I thought little of it. However, when Doctor Wappett joined us in the exam room, everything changed. The protein levels were dangerously high, my blood pressure was also quite high and Madison’s activity and corresponding heart rate, had slowed compared to previous NST’s. I could feel my own heart rate quicken, as the news began to sink in, finalized by the Doctor’s words “Let’s have this baby today.” From that point it was a bit of a whirl wind. I called Ron, as I headed toward admitting, feeling oddly out of place (wasn't I suppose to be panting and in pain, when checking in to have our baby???) Ron answered (thank God) and I told him the news. Within the hour, my cute little maternity outfit had been replaced with a hospital gown and I was being hooked up to every monitor and IV drip the nurses could get their hands on! Potosin was ordered to increase my contractions (I had already dialated nearly 4 cm, prior to being induced), as well as Magnesium, (to decrease the risk of seizures associated with preeclamsia). I was also taken off my insulin pump, which was replaced with another I.V. that the nurses monitored (a combination of glucose and Insulin).
Ron arrived as I was being “hooked up”, with my luggage and a smile. He looked wonderful and smelled divine (I immediately thought, “He’s all dressed up to meet our child”).
By now it was about 1:00 in the afternoon, so we turned on the Television, expecting a long night ahead (waiting for the Potosin to really take effect) and began making phone calls to family and friends. Lying on my side with contraptions attached to every available piece of skin on my body (or so it seemed, anyway) I chatted with Tab about our Morning and the excitement of what was to come. Several minutes into the conversation, I began to feel the contractions intensify and increase in duration. Not wanting to make an ordeal, I didn't say anything to Tab, but drew our conversation to a close. Just then the nurse (and an intern-type of nurse… So NOT anyone I wanted associated with my labor) arrived and asked me to turn to my left side, since the baby’s heart-rate had slowed a bit. I maneuvered my way around the cords, the devises and the tubing, and rolled to my side. Immediately I felt pain, horrible pain, searing through my body. I thought it was just that I was positioned wrong, but as I tried to reposition, it only intensified. Remembering our birthing classes, I began slow, controlled breathing, followed by a “cleansing” breath. I continued to do this, as Ron watched TV (unaware that in the past 60 seconds, I had gone from no cares on the Telephone, to “Whoa this does not feel right”)! The nurse, noticing my discomfort, called Ron over with “Coach, I think you need to take your seat over here now.” I remember thinking “This is silly, it’s too soon to need “coaching”, what I'm feeling will subside”. I didn’t want anyone to make a “big deal”, and certainly not unnecessarily. Well, my frame of mind was quickly altered, as the pains pounded my body like endless waves. I recall, lying on my side with my legs curled up, holding onto the bed rail, in what I can only describe as a “fog”. Like the rest of the room had faded away and it was just me and the bed. I would shake my foot, as the contractions increased (it kind of took my mind off the pain, in a strange way). But as the pain mounted the shaking over took my body and I would just shake all over, till the next one arrived. Ron quickly took action, letting me know when the worst was over (by reading the contraction levels on the monitor) and stroking my hair at the height of a contraction. This went on for a couple of hours when I finally asked about an epidural. Preparing for the anesthetic, my nurse had to exam me, to see my progress. (Oh Lord, I cannot describe). In the midst of a contraction, she examines my cervix. At this point, all control is lost. My body shook uncontrollably and I cried aloud, in a voice that was foreign to my ears. It was a moment, I will surely not soon forget, but thank God that moment was the worst of it! I will never forget Ron leaning over me, tears spilling down his cheeks, as he kissed my face and told me he couldn’t stand to see me in pain and not be able to do anything about it. I touched his cheek and told him it was okay, that the pain only lasted during the contraction and that I was okay. Seeing him so upset, tore at my heart. The pain was worth it to me. I knew it wouldn’t last, but I also knew that being on the outside looking in (not knowing what the other person was feeling) could be more painful than experiencing it, yourself. By now I had dialated to 8 cm and things were moving quickly. Doctor Wappett was paged and the room came alive with activity.
The anesthesiologist was on his way (from home). I remember trying to joke, saying “So he lives on floor 3, right?”, praying that he would be here soon. By this time, my breathing techniques were out the window. I was beginning to hyperventilate and the nurses feared nor I, or the baby were getting enough oxygen. So on went the (horrid) oxygen mask and I was given a shot of Stadol, to “take the edge off”, till my epidural arrived. Looking back, I would not have taken the narcotic. It left the room slightly spinning and I was unable to focus on any one thing. I just didn’t like the odd feeling. However, it did help me to relax (although it does nothing for the pain, itself), so I was able to breathe a little slower. It seemed only minutes had passed, when the anesthesiologist arrived with my God-given right to pain management! I was fully prepared for the procedure (having seen it dozens of times on “Birth Day”), so the graphic demonstration taking place on my back, didn’t bother me at all, knowing that soon the endless pain would be only slight! He had me roll to my side and I soon felt the contractions begin to lighten.
By the time he packed up and left, I was chatting with Faith (my clinic nurse who quickly became a close friend and alie, whom I asked to be present for the birth) who had just arrived and Ron, between contractions. At this point, Doctor Wappett had arrived and the pace in the room was increasing by the minute. It seemed I had just received my epidural, when (after a fairly painless exam by Dr. Wappett), he asked if I felt the need to push. At that point, I really didn’t feel the “pressure” I had heard described and didn’t feel the urgency to push, so Dr. Wappett said we should wait a bit and let Madison descend a more on her own, into the birth canal. I was dialated to 10 cm, but he felt we could just let things ease a bit on their own.
After several minutes, he announced, it was time to push. It was a bit odd, since now the pain had pretty much subsided (I could hardly feel the tightening with the contractions), but with his announcement, the room came alive! Overhead lights came to life, the bed was converted from a laboring bed to a delivery bed, Ron and Faith were instructed to hold my legs and Doctor Wappett told me once a contraction began, to take a big breath, push down as hard as possible and hold it till the breath runs out and repeat that two more times. I heeded his instruction but felt somewhat silly, trying it out, for the first time. However, despite my odd feelings toward this new venture, once I began to push the instructions and “praise” began! I could tell when I was making progress and when it felt as though I had hit a “brick wall”. Soon, the need to push intensified and my efforts grew from “trying it out” to pushing with every ounce of my being! I imagined my (former) personal trainer saying “You're not done yet, you've got five more in you!” This actually helped me to put forth that extra bit of “umph”, when I thought I couldn’t do any more! Ron was amazing. With the oxygen mask on, accompanied by the strains of labor, my mouth was beyond “dry". This may seem small in the scheme of things, but when you can barely swallow and you're called to do this extreme “workout”, having a bit of water becomes huge, on the list of life’s necessities! So between contractions, Ron would feed me several ice chips, which I would have just enough time to melt and quench my thirst, before the next contraction arrived. He also ensured my lips remained moisturized with Chap stick and consistently praised my efforts with each “laboring” push. I recall his excitement, as her head descended and began to crown, saying “You are doing SO good!” and kissing my face. I actually felt quite proud to hear his excitement and it really made me try all the harder, with the next push.
One of the nurses had found a hand-held mirror, so that I could see the progress for myself, in order to give me extra incentive. Unfortunately, it was a lot of work on her part (trying to angle it, so that I could see), but before each push, I would take a glimpse of the progress, close my eyes and bare down. (It was absolutely amazing to see her head crowning and moving slowly downward, as I gave it my all and pushed again!)
I recall at one moment, looking around the room and seeing all these faces, I had not seen before. There was at least ten people in the room, several taking up post near the baby “warmer”, so I assumed they were the Pediatrician and her nurses (which was later confirmed). I just remember thinking back to when Tab told me that modesty will be the last thing on my mind and I won't even notice who’s in the room. It was funny to me that she was exactly right and (although well aware) having the extra few cheerleaders didn’t bother me a bit.
I could hear the excitement in everyone’s voices mount, as Maddie’s head began to emerge. I took a peak in the mirror, just as Doctor Wappett told me not to push any more. There was Maddie’s face, eyes closed and puffy, I recall thinking “Wow, here she is, we've done it!” With that, Doctor Wappett began to maneuver her shoulders free. The epidural was great, but those shoulders were greater! Madison made her debut with a shout from her mother and a cry from her lungs… She was whisked to the baby warmer, where the quickly checked her over. Being four weeks premature, nothing was more comforting to my ears than to hear her cry, over all the commotion. Ron quickly went over to our daughter, while Doctor Wappett delivered the placenta and announced (to everyone’s surprise) that despite Madison's size of 9 pounds 8 ounces, no stitches would be needed, that I did not tear and never needed an episiotomy! That, I did not expect, I thought that you automatically had one or the other, I just didn’t know that this was an option! Ah, life is good.
Seeing Ron with our child in his arms, was the most beautiful site, I had (rather, have) ever seen. I asked Faith then, if she could take pictures, and she quickly assumed the role of photographer, catching Ron’s first touch, my first glimpse, and the Owsley family together, for the first time. Ron brought Maddie over to see me… Just touching her cheek (the softest cheek ever), I cried. She was beautiful, she was real, she was ours! I wanted to hug her all over, to smother her with kisses, but the Pediatrician wanted to test her blood sugars, so after just a moment of greeting our baby, she was taken to the nursery for tests. The entire experience, was not quite surreal, just amazing. I was absolutely floating on air. Ron was so proud (of both our creation, and me). I will never forget how he kept on telling me just how proud he was of me. I felt, for the first time, like I had won a marathon, climbed Mount Everest, or defeated the champion, at a game I had never played! It was wonderful, being so cherished, by the one, I admire most. I was very proud of my work (knowing I had given it my all, plus one).
Ron followed Madison into the nursery (I couldn’t stand the thought of her being alone, suddenly I was Mamma bear and protecting our daughter from all things, it was an urge I could not resist)!
We all stayed the night at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital. Our daughter was brought to me every three hours for feedings, but I just couldn’t relax. I napped for two hours the first night and jumped at each chance to see our daughter. They kept her in the nursery to observe her blood sugars, which were a bit low. In order to maintain a decent sugar level, the nurses supplemented her feedings with formula (which I understood, but was devastated with the idea of a bottle being introduced so soon). The second night she was allowed to stay in the room with us, but with the urge of the Doctor, I brought her back to the nursery at midnight, so that I could try to get some sleep. The next morning (with about 3 hours of combined sleep) I was ready for a shower! Faith had stopped by to visit Maddie and insisted upon returning to “baby sit” while I took my time in the shower (she was a God-send). Ugh… That, was the best shower of my LIFE! Oh to feel the warm water wash the previous days events away, to be able to lean over and shave my legs without grunting, groaning or lacking oxygen! I felt revived, I smelled like home and oh yeah, life was good!
It took several days for me to feel up-to-speed. Actually, I “felt” great right away (aside from the contractions that wracked my body when I breast-fed, or pumped…So strange, when I would even hold Madison, my uterus would contract… Hormones, go figure)! But aside from “feeling” great, I still walked several paces slower than normal and had to take my seat, quite gingerly! The third day, my swelling had vanished, my blood pressure returned to normal and my ankles and calves seemed to have shrunk to an even smaller size than before I was pregnant! I lost 40 pounds in one week (beat that “Jenny Craig”) and was living on less than 4 hours of sleep a night. Madison and I stayed in the Hospital for 5 days. Her blood sugars had evened out, but a slight case of Jaundice, kept us checked in for an extra few days. By Friday we were given the go ahead to take Madison home, so we called Daddy, packed up, said our “Good Byes” to the nursery nurses and prepared to go home! I picked Ron up at home, so that we could drive our daughter home together (this was VERY important to Ron an I just loved the idea that it meant so very much to him), so we dressed Madison in her “going home” outfit, took photos and buckled her into her car seat, for the first time. Ron drove and I sat in the back with Maddie, (to ensure she was comfy… Okay, I just couldn’t stand leaving her all alone, back there)!
Today Madison is nearly 3 weeks old. Her little belly button cord fell off last week and she has joined me for two showers (which she absolutely loves). Breast feeding is still a feat I will not let get the best of me, but sleep is finally within my grasp, as Madison and I are working on a much better schedule. Ron calls to check on his “girls” throughout the day and smothers Maddie with hugs and kisses, as soon as he walks in the door, each evening. She sleeps soundly (so soundly) on his chest, or in the crook of his strong arms (nothing in life is more beautiful than the site of my husband, cradling his daughter in his arms). We've had two Doctor appointments, (both of which went extremely well) and Maddie has endured enough shots in her little heals to satisfy any lab technician! (Poor baby.) We run errands on Maddie’s time (which I am quickly learning to follow) and our days are slowly becoming more efficient. All in all, life is wonderful. My priorities have made a 180 degree turn, food and rest come second to this Angel’s needs, my Husband has never looked sexier, and life has never been better! I sing to Maddie, every chance I get (her favorite is “So this is Love” from Cinderella) and continually whisper my love to her, in her ear. I've never felt a love like this and am scared that one day, I'll have to begin to let her go. I cry when I look into her trusting eyes and I ache when I imagine her getting onto a school bus, for the first time. It’s scary to love another human so much. “What if something happened?” That thought can consume me, and I know it’s wrong to entertain it. God has blessed us with an angel today and I thank Him for each and every moment He allows us to spend with her.
Life will never be the same, I will never buy myself a frivolous item, without first ensuring Madison’s needs, I will never look at a school bus the same, or watch “Father of the Bride” without crying. My Husband is now a Father and our lives are filled with this Angel’s simple needs. Life is good.

April 10, 2005

It was all going so smoothly. Last Wednesday, I began feeling contractions. Not certain if they were the "real" thing, or not, I phoned the Woman's center and told them that I had timed them between 5 and 7 minutes apart. Not feeling any real pain (just an achy back) I didn't want to over-react and pack up to head to the hospital. The on-call Doctor suggested I try to rest and if I could sleep through the night without them getting worse, not to worry. So having an appointment with Doctor Wappett the following day anyhow, I did what she said and tried to get some rest. The following morning, the contractions persisted, but not as often and not as intense as the night before. However, still worried, I asked Doctor Wappett to check my cervix to ensure I wasn't in labor (Tabitha had told me stories of her labors, which began quite similarly). Sure enough, I was dilated to 2 and a half centimeters. My blood pressure was fairly high and the swelling in my feet had crept up to my thighs! Before I knew it, I was not headed into work that day, but rather sent home for strict "bed-rest". Goes to show you, we can only plan ahead so far, right?!
I called my boss and explained to her that plan 'B' was now in effect (whatever that was). She told me to get on home and we would discuss later, what plan of action to take as far as my work was entailed.
That evening, lying on the couch (already bored to death) the contractions began again. This time they were 1 to 3 minutes apart. Ron was home by now, so I told him he should probably shower, that we needed to get to the hospital (thinking that this was it, she is on her way)! We packed up the few odds and ends left, called the woman's center and headed to Fairbanks Memorial Hospital. There, I was admitted, put on my (lovely) gown and was strapped to a fetal heart monitor, another monitor for contractions and an IV. They decided to give me several shots of Terbutaline (a drug commonly used for Asthma attacks, but also works well in stopping, or slowing contractions). The contractions slowed, but were still apparent, so after a call to Doctor Wappett, the nurses told me to plan an over night stay. Nooo!!!! Ugh, luckily Ron was willing to stay the night with me, so we stuck it out together. Me, strapped to an uncomfortable hospital bed and Ron trying desperately to find comfort on a pull-out bed from a chair! Well, we made it through and by morning my cervix had not changed...yay!!! Doctor Wappett allowed me to return home, on the promise that I would remain in bed (on my side) for 85% of the day. I am currently taking the Terbutaline in a pill form, followed by a Benedryl, to counter-act the shakes that the T. pill gives you and am trying to find new and imaginative ways to keep myself busy, as I lie in bed and count the hours till her arrival. Fortunately, we will (probably) not be waiting till mid-May to see Madison. Doctor Wappett gave me two steroid doses (to help her lungs mature quickly, in case she won't stay put) and feels that once we've reached 36 weeks (April 19th), she should be safe to enter the world. So at that time, I will be free from the confines of my bed, free from the Tributaline and ready to have this little on in my arms!
I remain optimistic. I still feel blessed. Doctor Wappett calls me an "Amazing Woman", as I have yet to show signs of protein (no Preeclamsia), despite my high blood pressure and although my labor was progressing quite rapidly, it seems to have completely stopped, which he says is quite unusual. Also, Madison (despite my own discomfort) is doing quite well in her little nest, at this time. So for now I pray, I plan and I imagine that in about three weeks, Ron and I will be parents and this "little" daughter of ours will be in our arms (finally)!
Thank you all for your continued prayers, especially for the healing of my (fractured) rib! Amazingly enough, the day I was put on bed-rest, the pain nearly subsided (and Thank God for it, because lying down in any position, was absolutely excruciating before, I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through it)!
So I thank you again and again, for remembering me. It really does work and God really does care about the "little" things (it still astounds me).
I will try to keep this updated, but have to sneak out of bed to type, so future entries may be short and sweet! :)
Here's to two (or so) more weeks!

March 28, 2005

Madison's baby shower was wonderful! I swear the child should need no new clothing till her first day of school! It was wonderful visiting with family and friends (despite that horrible cold that left me sounding like a life-long smoker)! I'm nearly 100% recovered now and am amazed at all the great gifts everyone has given to our child. Thank you all for your thoughts and kindness. I never thought we'd actually get some of the things we registered for... Who woulda thought? Ron and I are left with very little needed and with 7 weeks left, I think we'll be more than ready for her arrival!

Thank you again for your thoughtful gifts!

I had another sonogram and NST (non-stress test) today. All is wonderful. Madison was putting on quite a show, as I laid on the table, strapped to monitors and armed with a button to press, each time I felt a movement. I could see the heart monitors jumping around, as she rolled about, twisting and turning around. Doctor Wappett is quite pleased with her progress and (as usual) sees nothing to worry about.
My feet, ankles and calves have been swelling quite a bit. It's pretty comical really. I feel like Gwyneth Paltrow in "Shallow Hal". I've always had slim ankles (the one thing I could count on) and now it just looks so funny to see these "fat" little feet attached to my tree-trunk ankles! Ugh. I try to put my feet up, in the evenings, but just lying there is SO BORING! I cannot stand too much of it. I do (however) sleep with pillows under my feet, so by morning, my legs look almost normal. Unfortunately, by the time I leave the house for work, the swelling is so bad my shoes barely fit. (47 more days, 47 more days, 47 more days...)
The good news is that as long as my blood pressure stays regular, the only ill effects of the swelling is slight discomfort, tiredness and unattractive legs. So I can deal with that! I feel it's a small price to pay for such a wonderful gift, in the end! Ron (of course) has been amazing.
He checks my feet and forces me to lie on the couch, where he props 500 million pillows all around me, covers me with a blanket, gets me water, the remote control and chap stick while continually checking to ensure my complete comfort!
Heaven forbid he hears me moving about without asking for assistance! (God, I love that man!)
Each time I leave town to visit family, I find it harder and harder to be away from him. However, I so love the coming home part! It seems I forget just how handsome he really is, till I see him after being away, for even a few days. Funny how that works. Yeah, Madison will surely be used to seeing her Mommy and Daddy loving on each other. It's just so wonderful to be so loved... What can I say???

So all is well. Madison's nursery is stocked with new items and ready to be lived in! Thank you for being a part and for your wonderful gifts. They will surely be enjoyed soon enough!

March 11, 2005

I just had to write a quick note to remember the day I achieved my blood-sugar goals!
Faith (my nurse) just called to congratulate me on getting my Hemoglobin A1C (average blood sugar readings for the past 3 months) down to a record 5.7! A person without Diabetes has a reading of under 6.0... So I am completely excited!

This pregnancy has been amazing. My health has improved ten-fold and I still can't believe the miracles God has been sending my way. He certainly does come through... We just have to be working on "His" time, rather than our own!

I love you all and just wanted to share the news!

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March 4, 2005

Good Morning Miss Maddie!
Once again, Ron and I were able to see our "little" one, swimming around and kicking about, as I had another sonogram just this morning.
Everything looks wonderful! Aside from her modest posture, which leaves us still not 100% certain whether or not she truly is a "She"!
She just refuses to bare all for the camera (which I completely understand...she obviously takes after her mother), so I figure it leaves a little to chance, when the Doctor annouces..."It's a ...." We'll actually be a little excited to hear the final verdict (and certainly shocked, if he says "...boy!")

Her growth is rapid (to say the least). She's already showing signs of preparing to breathe (which is quite ahead of her time, but a wonderful sign to see). The placenta looks quite healthy (which is great, as this could be a concern with Diabetic Mother's). After having read an article about the many benefits working out can hold for babies in the womb (including a healthier placenta) I've stuck "religiously" to my routine of working out 45 minutes a day, 5 days a week for a several months now. I'm trying to do all that I can, to give this little one all the best, prior to her arrival. Of course God has a bit of a hand in this as well and I just thank him daily for his care.

One thing caught my attention today, however. When Doctor Wappett measured her legs and determined her current weight, we were quite surprised to see that she's certainly no small baby! (Of course I could have told you that, once I saw her huge noggin pressing out of tummy, in the shower yesterday...very strange to see, let me tell you)!
At this point (30 weeks) she should weigh about 2.5 lbs. However, she came in at 4 lbs 8 oz!!!! Yeah, she's huge!
My immediate response, was "Is this due to my Diabetes, or her Dad's large stature?" Doctor Wappett said her weight could be attributed to either factor. Even though my health has been optimal, Diabetics tend to just have large babies (either way). But he also said that her leg bones were very long for her age and that she could just very well be a tall baby, or simply going through a growth spurt, at this stage. Either way, he was undaunted and not at all worried. (Of course he doesn't have to give birth to a 20lb baby, either!) At this point we're hoping for her to be no more than 9lbs (I was thinking more like 6, but I guess that just isn't in the cards)! She is suppose to gain half a pound a week, till her due date (which is 10 weeks away), meaning she is expected to put on 5 more pounds. Of course is she continues at this rate, we'll be looking at one BIG BABY! So with each sonogram, I'll see where her growth is at and we'll better know what to expect.

Despite her large size (which actually kind of excites me to think she's already the size of some newborns...it's getting closer), my Doctor is completely happy with the progress and sees no cause for concern. So I say, if he's happy, I'm happy!

It was just wonderful to see her moving around. To see how ahead of the game she is (as far as already preparing to breathe) and just to know all is well.
I have gained 6 lbs since my last visit and it's all bundled tightly beneath my ribs (feels like it, anyway)! Comfortable rest eludes me, most nights. But Ron's back rubs certainly help (I never thought they'd make so much difference)!
Her movements are so strong, my whole tummy will rumble and shake (visibly) beneath my shirt! Ron caught the first one of these (crazy) movements, just the other night and he too was a bit speechless with sight of it. It's just amazing. She's so close, but somehow still feels surreal.
Her newest thing is "brushing" an arm, leg, foot, or hand hard across my uterine wall, which is the oddest feeling a person could ever feel (I'm just sure of it)! If you place your hand lightly on my tummy, it's almost like she's rubbing your hand! And the BEST is when I can see her head!!! Every once in a while I'll feel what seems to be a contraction, look down and see an extra lump on one side of my stomach! It's clearly her head (if you press on it, she'll eventually move away)! So cool, every woman must experience this and every husband must take part. It's just too "out of this world" to have it simply explained to you, you must feel it yourself!

Okay, so I'm excited! Lot's of changes and only a little over two months to go! My appointments are weekly now, so I will post again with the newest news!!!!

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February 21, 2005

My last prenatal appointment went off without a hitch. Doctor Wappett and I discussed a bit about caesarian's (and how I would prefer to avoid that route, unless necessary). His response calmed my anxieties and I feel quite safe, in his care.
March 4th I will have another Sonogram...yeah!!! In which I should be CERTAIN that there truly is a Madison in there and not a Kelton. I just love to see her. Each time, it's just amazing! Lately she's been kicking (or whatever it is, exactly that she does in there) so much and with such force, that the force of it (when leaning up to me desk) has actually pushed me back towards my seat! It's then, that I wish I could take a sneak-peak and see what's going down in there!

My health is wonderful (thank you Lord, thank you again and again). I've been working out on my treadmill 5 days a week for a month and a half now (without skipping one session), each morning, before work. I tell myself I'm preparing for a marathon, that I'll be working harder than I've ever worked before, and somehow my workouts are going to make it that much easier to get through it! Aside from that, I'm hoping to get back into my regular clothes (or even smaller), soon after her arrival! :)
I watch the Discovery Health Channel series "Birth Day" each morning, with my workout (which is truly the final thing that motivates me to get out of bed and climb on that dang treadmill). Funny how all of a sudden I've taken such an interest in seeing how other woman cope with the birth. I'm sure once I've had my own experience, I'll not turn that channel on again! But, till then, I enjoy learning the terminology and seeing what to (possibly) expect.

Ron has been an outstanding husband and (soon to be) father. My sleep has become quite uncomfortable, constantly interrupted and never fulfilling, as my belly grows larger and leaves my back and sides aching for relief. However, Ron (noticing my discomfort... surely not due to my groaning and complaining) rubs my back (quite often) and even helps me get out of bed, in the middle of the night, to use the restroom...Who woulda thought getting out of bed would be such a task?! He's absolutely wonderful and I just can't wait till our little girl gets to experience herself, the love he has to offer! Wonderful days ahead.

Starting at the end of March, my prenatal appointments will be twice a week! Good Lord! But the positive side is that I'll be getting sonogram's with every other visit (that's one per week)! So the photo section of Maddie's site will surely grow. It'll be pretty cool to see how she changes, as things draw to a near... Looking forward to March 4th and seeing her little face again!

February 14 , 2005

I can breathe a sigh of relief as my first baby-bedding project is finished! It took over two months to complete, but in the end, (minus a few flaws that drive me crazy, but no one else seems to notice) I think it's beautiful!
Madison's bedding will be greens, ivory's, lace and such, so I chose really "Girly" pastels, pinks, lacey patterns and satin trim for the first one. I was copying a photo I had seen online of a bed set that cost (on sale) $1200! It was so plush and cushy, I thought..."I can make that!" So I filled the inner layer with layers of batting (that's enough for two twin sized-beds). Unfortunately, this caused a bit of a problem, as my li'l sewing machine could barely even squish the fabric beneath its "foot" to stitch it together! UGH!
I did my best, but finally took it around town in search of a commercial machine to do the job...Long story short, even the commercial machines couldn't handle the thickness of this blanket (hmmm, maybe that's why my inspiration bedding cost $1,200)!
I ended up leaving the center portion with the full 6-layers of batting, but cut down the batting within the edges, in order to stitch the layers and binding together, which (after much frustration, learned patience and time) worked out beautifully! Whew.
I was so excited to have finally completed the comforter and two pillows, that I packaged it up that night, wrote out a card and am shipping it to Crystal (my wonderful friend in Spokane), this Afternoon! Yeah!
Here are some photos of my hard work completed. I am hoping to begin Madison's bedding this week...Whoo-hoo!!!

January 20, 2005

So many changes in (what seems) such little time!
The weeks (and months) are rapidly passing me by, as Madison prepares to make her debut. I had a prenatal appointment, this Morning and realized I was 2 days shy of 6 months! Wow!

My body is changing more noticeably and with much more vigor, as the date approaches. So far, I've gained 16 pounds, which Doctor Wappett feels couldn't be any more on target (whoo). No stretch-marks (as of yet); Though I'm watching closely and lathering my tummy each morning, with Palmer's Cocoa Butter (don't know if it really helps, or not, but it feels good, so I'll keep on).

Near fainting spells, seem to be my newest venture, as I had to leave work, when the room felt as though it were "caving" in on me, and my legs began to tingle with a "numbing, heavy" feeling. It was the same feeling I had, had, in Doctor Wappett's office, only this time I had simply been sitting at my computer desk, working.
No worries though. Doctor Wappett says I'm just more susceptible to rapid blood-pressure changes (due to sitting, or lying down in an "off" position, for an extended amount of time) and that I just need to act quickly, (standing or lying on my left side), to alleviate the sensation. BUT, that's the only physical change, I have yet to report! And it's still rare, as it has only happened three times...I have to have something to talk about, right?! :)

I feel great and very thankful for what little I've had to go through. I recently read an online discussion in a Pregnancy and Diabetes chat-room, which (once again) showed me clearly how blessed, I truly have been. Reading these woman's stories of multiple miscarriages, extreme complications and even still-births, makes me shake my head as to why God would choose to give me such a light load to bare. However, I'm not quick to forget that the future is undetermined and I must rely on God's lead and follow.

The prenatal appointment today, had Madison's heart rate at 143 beats per minute (perfect), and my uterus larger than average for this time, but nothing strange. I figure she's either a rolly-polly baby, tall (like her Daddy) or just likes the extra leg room to do her somersaults! But things are on schedule and Doctor Wappett was quite pleased that my HA1C (Diabetic blood sugar reading) was a record-low of 6.3! (Under 7.0 is great!) So I continue to be ecstatic about what's to come. The baby bedding is coming along beautifully (I'm quite proud to actually be able to make her bedding, just how I want it), and Ron is thinking he just may be able to find work in town this winter, and not have to head North, for work (I pray this is so).

Till next time!

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January 3, 2005

It's a GIRL!
Ron's and my second sonogram visit proved to be well worth it, as we learned today that there is a little Madison in there! (Whew, finally!)
Doctor Wappett does not "guarantee" that she is a girl...He was just unable to find any boy (or girl) parts in there...so he's pretty sure (since we should have been able to see clearly if it were a boy) that she is indeed a girl...Standard Doctor disclaimer, I'm sure!
I'm happy with his prediction and feel certain that we truly do have a girl in there!
Ron (on the other hand) claims to have known the sex all along, since he's had several dreams of our baby and each time, it was a girl.
However, I too had dreams. But in more than one of my dreams, I had dreamt that there was multiple babies in there! So yeah, I kinda wrote those off as hormonal craziness!
So all is well. Madison is kicking non-stop now (day and night) and the little nudges are becoming more and more noticeable! On New Year's Eve, Ron felt the first kick (which tickled me to death and made him a little more involved, as well). During the sonogram her arms were flailing about and her little legs just kicking away. Doctor Wappett actually had to chase her around a bit, just to get an accurate heart beat reading!
It just gets me so excited to see her moving about and feel her movements (both in and outside of my body).
I'm now 5 months and 1 week. My belly is becoming round and hard and I have found that lying on my back (especially during my sonograms) quickly leads to dizziness and near black-outs, (as my uterus has grown large enough to press and constrict a major artery to both the baby and my brain)! During my last sonogram appointment, I didn't say anything, assuming I just needed a snack (quickly) to remedy a low sugar, but didn't want to worry anyone (silly me). But this time, I knew it was more. My legs quickly grew numb, my heart raced, I began to sweat and could feel the room "closing in" as black spots seemed to cover whatever I was trying to focus on. I asked Doctor Wappett why this was and he quickly had me roll to my left side, till I felt normal again (which was surprisingly quick). I had heard not to lie on your back (because of this reason) after the first Trimester, but had not thought much of it, while lying in the Doctor's office. Ah yes, Live and learn...Guess we'll have to make our sonogram photo-sessions quick, from here on out! :)
Things continue to progress wonderfully. My health is fantastic and I'm gaining weight on schedule (whew)! Ron is absolutely wonderful...Reminding me daily of what a good Mother I will be and pampering me with love and attentiveness (he's quite good at this) as we settle together in the evening. I'm excited to see how our quiet home will adjust to the pitter patter of little feet, brightly colored toys about and the drama that a little one surely brings! (Sigh)...patience.

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December 20, 2004

And the baby is...
Stubborn! No luck...not a peep, not even a glimpse of whether or not, there's a boy or girl hiding in there! I said it, "If this child is half as stubborn, as Ron or I, it won't reveal a thing..." and sure enough...it didn't! All is well though, the baby is quite healthy (large for it's 19 weeks) and moving about (upside down and back wards). We even caught him/her patting it's head and it appeared to be sucking it's thumb! :)

Fortunately Doctor Wappett has welcomed us back, for another try in January (whew). So I will keep the site posted with the news (if there is any to report, that time around)! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!

It's alive!
Friday, the 10th, I felt the first little punch or kick from this little one! However, it wasn't the "flutter" I had been told to expect...It was more like a tiny punch to the gut! It didn't hurt, or wasn't uncomfortable, at all, it just wasn't what I would call a "flutter"! At first I wasn't sure...Could that be the baby? It was a new feeling, but then again, strange things and feelings are becoming regular. So I waited and paid attention to the little feelings. Sure enough it continues to happen now, more frequent at different times of the day (I guess that's when he/she is not asleep) and it just feels like little, isolated, muscle spasms (best way I can describe it)!
It's just so exciting. As I sit at my desk at work, I get these little nudges and am reminded that there's a little life doing summersaults in my tummy! How great it that?!
I have to say, I absolute love being pregnant (99% of the time, anyway)! I walk through the grocery store and feel like I'm not alone, like a have a little secret that no one else knows yet, but it makes me smile to no end, and brings a little joy with each reminder of it.
Right now the child must be kickboxing, or practicing aerobics! These tiny little twitches just continue to come and I love each and every one!
(Sigh), I just had to write down when I first "felt" this little life, making him/herself known.
One week from today and we should know to call this little one by it's name! Yeah!
God Bless and Merry Christmas!

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December 7th, 2004

Just getting excited to see whether or not there's a Minnie me, or a minnie Ron in there! My next sonogram appointment is on the 20th (less than two weeks away) and we should (hopefully) be able to tell the sex of the baby, at that point! Yeah!
Things are still going (extremely) well. Over the last two weeks, my favorite slacks have become too tight in the tummy to button all the way. All of a sudden, things seem to be growing quickly and I'm noticing the baby pooch, more and more each day! :) I'm absolutely thrilled to be noticeably pregnant (you know, where it doesn't look like I've just gained a few pounds, but it's obvious that there's a li'l one in there)!
Ron seems to be getting more excited, as it becomes more obvious of this li'l one's presence. This upcoming sonogram will be the first time he's seen the baby, or heard the heart beat, so I'm completely thrilled for the date to come!
Not much new to post, other than all the little things that are floating around my head, the excitement overflowing and the anxiety and joy that this new li'l life has already brought into our lives!
I will post again on the 20th, once we know a little more about who's in there!

I had my fourth Prenatal appointment yesterday and left that building, simply floating on air!
After hearing the babies heartbeat (quickly this time, no searching around, he/she was right there). Doctor Wappett asked me if there had been any changes or problems, which I had none to report of. He then told me that he had received my records from Dr. Burger (the specialist who is treating my Diabetes) and that my blood sugars are outstanding!
He also said that my blood pressure had actually decreased (from good to great) and was especially surprised to hear that the hemorrhages in my eyes had healed, telling me that, that was extremely rare.
He was quite happy with my progress and just kept on saying "You are an unusual woman...you are very unique", throughout the visit.
He said most woman in this stage of their pregnancy are simply miserable. Morning sickness rules their lives and other ailments and issues keep them down. But that I seem to have bi passed all that (despite my being a diabetic)! He also said that I am one of the healthiest patients he has ever treated! How crazy is that?! I mean who woulda thought, right?
I told him this was not what I had expected going into this pregnancy, certainly not after the first week, and certainly not as a Diabetic. Which he agreed to. However, in the end, we could be nothing but amazed at how quickly things had turned around. In fact, Dr. Wappett was so happy with how things are going, that he doesn't need to see me for another appointment till December 20th (at which time we should be able to plan for pink or blue)!
So things could not be better. It's absolutely amazing and (like I said) not what I had expected!
I will write again soon...thank you for keeping us in your prayers!

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Miracles:
November 9, 2004

Last night at Bible study, we were asked to share when God had more than exceeded what we had asked him for.
My mind raced with all the times I had come to God with a plea, a request, an understanding, or a peace. I realized then, that God has always, always, exceeded my request, when I had prayed for his will to be done and not my own. I felt so absolutely blessed, I could barely contain my joy and tears, just sharing a few of God's blessings (in my life) with the woman in the group. I wondered then (on the drive home), why don't we share these things daily, with everyone? I believe (with all my being) that "every good and perfect gift, comes from above." That science can try to explain it away, but there's nothing greater than knowing the greatest "Scientist" of them all.
It amazes me and leaves me humbled and thankful, at the same time, how God could find me worthy enough to work miracles in my life. I know I cannot "earn" my way to heaven, and don't feel I need to try, as I know God has already prepared a place for me. However, I do feel I need to give back in the only way God would have me do so...by being open and willing to (be what the world might view as self-sacrificing) follow God's lead...whatever it entails.

Today, on the drive to work, I felt compelled to share God's works in my life...There are so very many, from birth to the present, so I'll share what's most pressing on my mind.
Last Summer, through a routine Diabetic check-up, tests showed damage to my Kidneys. I must have felt that "sinking" feeling a hundred times in my (Diabetic) life. "Is it beginning now? Will there be dialysis in my future?" Although the disease can be made as un intrusive as possible, the reality of what may be to come, is never far from one's mind. I left the Hospital and drove to the church, where Ron was putting up new siding, and tried to swallow the lump as I told him what I had learned. He held me in a way, only he knows how, and assured me that no matter what was in store, that he only loves me more, with each new day...(God, I love that man...A whole other miracle)!
I'm embarrassed to admit how my prayer life flourishes, once life tosses a stone in my path, but it does and it certainly did that week.
I went to choir practice, where every song seemed to tear at my heart strings and finally, at the end, asked Pastor Jeff and the choir members to pray for my health and understanding with the outcome.
About a week went by and I finally went back in for a follow up test, to determine further, the damage. After waiting (for what seemed like an eternity) in that small, cold, examining room, my Doctor returned with my file. However, it seemed she didn't understand. She had the new results in hand and my old ones spread out within my chart, but they just didn't make sense. Not sure what she was saying, I asked her what the new test results showed. She then told me that according to the test, there was no damage to my kidney's whatsoever, but was confused because once their damaged (although they may not proceed to get worse) the damage can not be reversed.
I couldn't (but then I did) believe what she was telling me! I knew it, I knew what had taken place. For whatever reason, God had done it again. The Doctor tried to explain it away, stating that there must have been a mistake in the lab, or that they had confused my results with someone else's. But that was just silly,I knew what had happened. I didn't know why, but I was more than willing to accept it!
Sometimes I experience "small" miracles...Ron get's to stay home for the Holiday (okay that's kind of a big one...to me, anyway) and other times, I'm blown away and others are just skeptic. Daily, I need to praise Him...For all that He has shown me (and for all that I will never see).

Of course the gift of a child. Having neglected any kind of care for my Diabetes (for years, growing up), I had always assumed a child, would not be in my future (at least not one of "my own"). On September 8, 2004, God showed me His plan for Ron's and my life...And I thank Him for it!
The following week, Doctors lead me to believe there was nothing to be done, that I would miscarry this child. Through prayer, God first gave me absolute peace. (Any woman who has experienced this kind of heartache, understands how far from their grasp "peace" may seem).
Second, God proved any doubt wrong, when that tiny "peanut" appeared on that Sonogram print-out! The Doctors remained "Cautiously optimistic", but my heart told me to shout...Either way, I was ready for God's plan.

Then two weeks ago, after consults with a Diabetic specialist for the last month and a half, I went to the clinic for a standard test (Hemoglobin A1C) which shows an average blood sugar rating, over the last 3 months. Keep in mind that a person, free from Diabetes, has a result of 6 (or less). Mine (on the other hand) have ranged from 8 to (a dangerously high of) 14. This time, despite the pregnancy (raging hormones reek absolute havoc, on blood sugar levels) my results came back at 6.7! Which is actually a bit off, considering one month of those readings, were before I had been seeing this specialist, so in reality, it is even lower! (I'll get another one in a month, or so.)
I wish I could hunt down the ER Doctor, at ANMC who last winter, (literally) laughed and told me not to even try to manage my sugars, that pregnancy will ruin my health and that I shouldn't even plan on having children (yeah, I was a bit shocked that a Doctor, was telling me this too). Silly him for doubting!

Most recent, was just last week. I am scheduled for an eye exam with each new trimester (since pregnancy tends to worsen any pre existing eye conditions). The last time I had, had an exam, it revealed two (small) hemorrhages in both eyes, (due to neglecting my Diabetes for so many years in the past). This (of course) was devastating. Just another one of those fears one tries not to dwell on, till it seems to begin happening to you.
I was told that lazaring them, was not an option and to just wait it out and see if it progresses...(uh, yeah...to blindness)!
Okay, so I go in for my eye exam, not dwelling much on the hemorrhages, just having a good morning and not wanting to spoil it.
The exam was fairly quick (half hour tops) and I was outta there...Amazing thing is that so were the hemorrhages! Doctor doesn't know why, but they're just not there any more. As a matter of fact, my vision has improved, since the pregnancy and I show no signs of Diabetic eye problems!

All these thoughts were racing through my mind...Among so very many more (to many to note, at least in one sitting), when asked " When has God more than exceeded what I had asked him for?"
I think it would take ten lifetimes, to even begin to comprehend the blessings, we receive daily, and to the magnitude, in which He gives them.

I pray that our eyes will be open to his blessings in our lives, that we give credit, where credit is due and that we may never forget the blessing today, that He gave us, years ago.

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I must say this li'l one is already spoiled by his/her aunt Tabitha!

I have been searching (daily, mind you... every day) for the perfect bassinet online. So far my search produced the same old thing you see every where, or fabulous vintage pieces, bearing a reasonable price tag of $100 with an obnoxious Shipping amount of over $300!!! Yeah, I was devastated. That is one thing, I long for that the Lower 48 takes for granted. Having what you need, at arms length (or at least deliverable by UP Ground)!

Anyway, while visiting Anchorage, last month, I had stopped into Junior Towne, to see what they had to offer. While there, I fell in love with a fabulous bassinet from their catalog! It's a Golden tan color with a remote to make it vibrate, play a variation of 5 different lullabies, turns into a rocking cradle and even a changing table! Only thing this lovely piece doesn't do, is change and feed the baby for you (at 2 AM)!

However, being the bargain hunter that I am, I've been holding out for something equally as great, but about half the price (with no luck)!
So Tab just called and told me not to by a bassinet, that she had gone to Junior Towne and (unsure of the exact one I longed for) had bought me a gift certificate and was sending me the catalog!

That is just too cool of her...Who woulda guessed that Tab would turn from ripping me off on those Barbie-doll outfit trades (yeah, I still haven't forgotten the Heart-Family dress, dang it), to splurging on a bassinet for Ron's and My first child! Crazy, crazy world. :)
So I'm excited and had to write about how great she's been. She also bought us a baby Papason. It's one of those bouncy chairs that you can set on a table, while you're cooking and it vibrates and plays music to soothe the baby (how cool, right?)! So we're pretty much set! We don't need a crib for some time (although I've already found the perfect one at Penny's online store). (Sigh), family is great and I just wanted to say "THANKS SISTER" to all those who read this!

After a wonderful day at work, I headed out in the snow for my third Prenatal appointment. I knew not to expect a sonogram, but was hoping today we would be able to hear the baby's heartbeat through the doppler device.

Doctor Wappett was happy to hear that I have been having (mild) headaches, exhaustion, that none of my pants seem to fit just right any more, and that my new facial break-outs can be attributed to the placenta producing mass hormones. He said that I am lucky to have bypassed morning sickness, but that these new happenings are a very good sign. This actually did make me feel a bit better about the changes.

Faith (my nurse) joined us as well, (just because she's a wonderful person and wanted to be a part ...I'm lucky to have her). So the three of us chatted about my Diabetes, recent changes and finally got ready to try for that heartbeat.

It didn't take long and there it was ...About twice as fast as my own, (pounding at 160 beats per minute)! The sound would increase and decrease, as we could tell the baby was moving around and dodging the doppler device. What a wonderful, soothing sound to hear, let me tell you!

Doctor Wappett explained that this was a critical time and that, had we not been able to hear the heartbeat (from the outside), that, that would have been a warning sign of possible problems... Thank God he didn't tell me that till AFTER we heard the heartbeat!
But since all went smoothly, he said I have no need to worry; That the chance of having a miscarriage (once the heartbeat is that strong), is rare...YEAH!!!
He was so happy with mine and the baby's health, that he has cut my appointments down from every 2 weeks, to every 3-4 weeks. The only down side, is that I won't have another sonogram, till 20 weeks along (around Christmas time) No more photos till Christmas :(
However, at that time we should (should, should, should) be able to see whether it's a little girl, or a little boy, in there!

(Sigh), so all in all, my third appointment, couldn't have gone better! I feel absolutely blessed with this child and Ron has been a completely wonderful support, (massaging my neck and shoulders, when headaches just won't ease up) and soothing my (irrational) fears of the baby's health.

I thank every one of you, who have kept us in your prayers. I have no doubt in my mind, that this child is being cared for (more than I can manage alone) and I thank you all, for keeping us in your prayers!

Till next time, enjoy the beginnings of winter (there's quite a bit of snow on the ground here and temperatures are dropping to the 20's for a high, this weekend)!

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October 21, 2004

My second prenatal appointment was an absolute blessing! (Still not feeling 100% certain about the health of our baby), I was counting down the days, till I could see that little peanut again! However, I was not ready for what that video brought forth. In three weeks time, the baby had gone from a "peanut" to an actual...well...baby!

The little arms and legs were just flying (non-stop) throughout the appointment. Its tiny heart was beating at a strong 193 beats per minute. And Doctor Wappett was happy with the great photo he was able to capture of the brain and umbilical cord (guess those things are important too)!

It's just amazing, how quickly things come together. I only wish Ron could have been there, to share the experience. He had to work and I told him not to bother coming along (figuring it was still too early to hear the heartbeat and that it would still be a non-moving li'l shape). I'm sure it's hard for him to make reality of this invisible being, when for me; I'm reminded constantly that "Something is going on". He was pretty happy though, to be able to make out the little head, arms, legs and body. It really is a miracle, how God brings it all together.

Needless to say, I feel absolutely relieved, like I can actually plan now for this arrival (having seen a healthy, moving baby, in there)!

I still haven't experienced any morning sickness (aside from a few moments of nausea, that I quickly remedy with a cup of hot chocolate... sugar fee and fortified with calcium, of course)!

Doctor Wappett has me seeing a Diabetic specialist (Dr. Burger). Who has done absolute wonders with my Diabetes. My average daily blood-sugar reading has gone from about 225 to 150 (and I'm ecstatic about the results)! He's really simplified my life and on top of that, improved mine (and the baby's) health. He's a very good man and I'm blessed that he agreed to take me on (he does not accept any new patients).

I test my blood sugar, about ten times a day (it really doesn't hurt) and try to keep the carbs low, in my diet...But of course an occasional bowl of spaghetti is needed from time to time (I am only human)!

I have omitted any Soda pop from my diet (Sorry Diet Pepsi co, I know you were counting on me). This is the first time in 18 years, I've gone without at least one a day! Coffee is the only thing that really does make me feel ill, so that was an easy one to drop. Now it's just Crystal Clear flavored water and a large cup of Swiss Miss in the morning, for me. I don't feel I've given anything up though. I actually feel I owe this li'l one a big Hug for giving me this opportunity to get things in order! We'll keep that a secret though...Gotta have those, "When I was pregnant with you, I didn't have one carb for the entire 10 months!" stories :)

So all is well in Pregnancy land. My next prenatal appointment, is on the 25th of this month. So I will post again then

So much drama, for such a li'l peanut!

On Friday, the 10 th , I began bleeding and had several sharp cramps. Panicked, I phoned the on-call physician at Chief Andrew Isaac Health Center, who quickly began prepping me for what he termed a "Spontaneous abortion". He said it sounded as though I were miscarrying and that (at this early stage) there was nothing we could do to stop it.

I hung up the phone with a lump in my throat, (I just could not swallow). Referencing my "What to Expect when you're expecting" book, I called Tab to see if anything similar had ever happened to her... neither offered any hope.

I went downstairs, where Ron was showering, and shared with him my fears. He held me in his arms and tried to calm me, but the thought of losing this baby (that I have only known for this week) just tore my heart in half.

The following Saturday morning I went to the walk-in clinic, where the Doctors ran tests and again prepared me for the worst. Since it was the weekend, they could do very little. So I made an appointment to have an ultra-sound done, the following Monday.

Needless to say, that Saturday was full of tears, prayer, phone calls and more prayer. By Sunday I had come to terms with God's will for mine and this tiny baby's life, whether I understood it, or not. More than anything, I prayed for peace with the outcome.

On Monday, I phoned my work and left a message for Ginger, explaining the "Good news" (of the pregnancy) and the "bad news" of what might be to come. I didn't know how long I would be at the Doctor, so she kindly gave me the day off to take care of things.

Pulling into the clinic, I felt at peace. I had a good feeling of what was to come, but was truly at "peace" with God's will. I can honestly say that was the first time I gave it to God and felt completely safe in his care, (knowing the outcome may be one no one could understand).

The appointment took nearly four hours (mainly waiting in the waiting room). But in the end, it was more than worth the wait!

I met my prenatal Physician (Dr. Wappett) for the first time that day where he performed the ultra-sound. He showed me the screen, where a fuzzy black and white image of a tiny "baby" appeared (shaped more like a planters peanut than any child, I had seen)...But it was the most beautiful site I had ever seen! We could see the heart beating (it actually moved the whole little body, with each beat). Dr. Wappett explained to me that the bleeding had been caused by (some kind of) hemorrhage (outside of the yoke sack) and that the baby looked fine! Up until that point, I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up (not knowing if what I was viewing was a "healthy" baby. But when I heard him offer the hope, my heart absolutely jumped!

Turns out that I am not ten weeks pregnancy, but only 5! So that explained why the tests taken on Saturday, showed unusually low hormone levels for a ten-week pregnancy (and why we were looking at a "peanut" instead of a typical little baby).

So all is well (whew). I am told to remain "cautiously optimistic", keeping in mind that the first 12 weeks are "sketchy". But I am happy with today and ready for what God has planned tomorrow.

The new due date is May 17, 2005 and I am currently in the waiting room, anticipating my first (real) prenatal appointment! So to my "li'l peanut" I say "No more drama at least till mid-May!" :)

I was sure I was pregnant. It had been two months since my last period. I had all the signs, sore chest (so, so sore), that "yuck" feeling in my lower back and abdomen, high blood-sugar readings (for no explainable reason), exhaustion and that horrible belly pouch, that you just can't suck in! However, after having done two pregnancy tests, the results remained "negative".

Now, two weeks after my last (failed) test, I decided to see the Doctor and at least find out why I felt so "yucky"...I didn't want Ron to know I had made the appointment, because I felt silly, like I was obsessing over getting pregnant (which I of course, was)!

Ten minutes and one urine sample later, I was officially pregnant! Ten weeks along (they figure). I should be due April 5, 2005.

Thank you Lord, you are truly awesome!